Trivial Affections
by Phoenix Takaramono
Summary: Working for Ouran's six notorious oddballs wasn't what transfer student Harry James Potter had in mind after breaking renowned Molly Weasley's vase. Then, his world came crashing down. Which will come first, love or the unveiling of secrets? AU SLASH
1. Murphy's Law

(A/ N)- Sorry about the late updates for my other stories. I should've stuck with one story, then work on the other once I'm finished with it. Now, I'm also volunteering for writing a few chapters. Yeah. I'm that obsessed with writing stories (even though it puts a cramp in my schedule). Now, we're trying a different type of category. I assume you've heard of Harry Potter and Ouran High School Host Club? Well, I bet you haven't read a story with these two mixed together into a crossover! We hope you enjoy this and please inform us about our grammar mistakes and such. -shifts eyes- I'm not that great on grammar and such. If you want to see the website that I made based on this story, then go ahead and do so. It's just for fun and it's located somewhere in my profile. -yawns-

I'm gonna make Harry and some characters act out of character at times. As circumstances permits, I'm going to keep them all somewhat in character but you should know that the laws of keeping them in character has been warped with Harry's appearance. -smirks- I wonder if I can tone down the humor a bit and keep the angst away for awhile. Soon to be rated M for pure adulterated language and probable lemons ("probably never" seems appropriate at this time).

As for readers who can't stomach the sheer thought of two guys being together... there's a _reason_ why the backspace arrow was created. Use it!

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**7/5/09- THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SEVERELY RE-EDITED BY ME. HAVE A NICE DAY! :]**

**-**

'_**Blah Blah'**_ means a quote from either book

'_**Blah **_**Blah**_**'**_means a quote but with my own touchup included

"**Blah Blah"** means literally shouting in a very, Very, VERY loud voice

"Blah Blah" means dialogue

'_Blah Blah'_ means a thought

* * *

_'You know what's so bad about being a guy?'_

_'What, having an extra appendage?'_

_'No, being straight and having a horde of your drinking-buddies suddenly hitting on you, that's what.'_

**~A back and forth convo between my cousin and I**

* * *

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**Trivial Affections **

Chapter 1

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**_'Top floor, south wing...' _**

Cursing vehemently under his breath, a boy with messy, tangled locks of midnight hair, exotic features foreign to the majority of the Asian population, mentally stuck all those he despised into a boiling cauldron he conjured up within his imagination. Aah, the absolute artistry of his vivid imagination. It nearly brought tears to his eyes. Such splendid details and the screams of the black-hearted.

_'Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble! Flaming fillet of dictators and say sayonara, you spoiled, rich brats!'_

Footsteps barely making any noises on the slick marble floor, he made his way up the extravagant, spiraling stairs of the populated Ouran High School. His loose cotten cargo pants whipped his calves as he ran, and the scratchy wool sweater he donned on in the morning was slipping down his shoulders like butter—butter (he admits) resembling that of the unfortunate shade of a vibrant, red tomato. In fact, his wardrobe consists of many hand-me-downs his guardians could only afford to give but did the rich kids give a damn? _Noooo._

But as usual, he was tuned out and off in la-la land when the insults came flying at the "school commoner".

'_Tch, snobs and their stuck-up personalities.'_

So who were they to judge him? They weren't even seasoned fashionistas with their uniformal blue blazers and yellow civvies. The image of his former school chum immediately came into mind. She was the first one he befriended the first day at Ouran and despite being two months into the year, they had parted ways after she claimed he "brought her reputation down". That and her wild allegations. He snorted. Like he would hit on her. And just because he was open-minded to all sorts of relationships didn't mean he would go "gay" on her arse; her religion didn't have to do anything with it, and him occasionally going through stories of such relationships and sometimes writing a few for someone he held dear in his heart didn't mean he lied to her. There was a difference between keeping silent of his tolerance and telling lies and, unfortunately, apparently she didn't see it that way.

Truth be told, he didn't know why he hung out with her in the first place. "This just goes to show what good instincts I must have at making friends," he muttered sarcastically under his breath. Rising his voice, he adopted a higher pitch and recited, "'Oh, Harry. I've been thinking about this for the entire week and I'm sorry to tell you so but I'd just like us to be distant... acquaintances. Don't get me wrong; I think you're a cool person and all but, you know, I'm very homophobic and... let me just tell you this. When I first saw you, no offense, but I thought you were a homosexual. And also, like... no one in their right mind—no offense, Harry—would approach a girl that was keeping to herself and doing her work in class. So... just keep your distance and... let's still be friends. Just not... um, close friends.'"

He had protested, "Wait, I don't understand. What went wrong between us? What have I done to make you-"

She had groaned, rolling her eyes at his incompetence. "-Look, there is nothing between us! Get it? My parents disapprove of your background, and you know how parents are like. You can't go against them; their word is the law. Everytime I spoke to you, you're very quiet and you agree with everything I say! Your personality just seems fake, and I don't like it that you're always 'hovering' over me. I don't even think I _know_ you!"

"I only have two ruddy classes with you and we rarely even eat lunch together. Hell, I see you after school and I don't think that's exactly 'hovering'. If it's peering over your shoulder to decipher whatever it is that you're reading in the Computer Lab, then I'll stop since it bothers you so mu-"

"-Look, I just don't _know_ you! How do I know everything you've told me hasn't been a lie? YOU WRITE 'SLASH' FICTION, FOR PETE'S SAKE! I don't associate myself with the wrong crowd, and you know I have all "A's" and a 4.0 GPA? We have NOTHING alike! Because I'm 'pure and untainted', I don't want to sully myself with the likes of—argh, forget it; if you say 'hi' to me, I'll still reply. Just be your normal self-"

"-I AM acting like my normal self! AND I ONLY WROTE THOSE FOR-"

"-Did you even listen to what I said? I DON'T CARE! So stop 'hovering' over me, or I'll report you to the principal and have my daddy sue you for harrassment!"

He smiled bitterly. Stupid rich kids. In reality, he knew not _all_ the wealthy were like this, but the general population he witnessed so far seemed to be the type to take prejudiced actions. Even his so-called "best friend" was prejudiced against him... despite him constantly reassuring her he didn't swing that way. Great, just another waste of two _months_ of his limited time on Earth. So what if they all had the Ouran crest sewn on their uniforms? So what if they were filthy rich and he was dirt poor? At least _he_ had the decency to be considerate of others' thoughts and keep... his... freaking... mouth... shut.

_'Damn it, four libraries and the place is still too crowded.'_

Anyways, today had been a bad day. From this morning's incident of almost waking up late to getting pelted with stares to today's forecast of insults, nothing was right in the world of Harry James Potter. So when the first Passing Period came, when he was already sitting in his chair and ignoring his ex-friend at his left, he was spiritlessly flipping through the novel his Literature professor had assigned the day before. Just when the main character was about to learn a life-valuable lesson, a throng of his fellow peers surrounded his desk, jeering and having fun hurling their usual stabs at his background since class had yet to start.

It wasn't at all that bad, really, and he could tell his tormentors were getting tired of his lack of reaction but one girl just _had_ to step it up a notch. She had smiled wickedly and mentioned of how she heard his mom was a "whore" and his father "pimped her out in the streets" so that Harry could enroll in Ouran. At that, he quietly dog-eared the page of where he left off, shut his book, and angled his body so that he faced them (all of whom were too busy high-fiving her to notice what was happening). With unnerving calmness, he walked up to his tormenters and with a large smile (one that made his cheeks hurt), he promptly enlightened them with a cheerful "screw you." And with another smile that caused his back molars to ache, he packed his things and happily walked out of class.

And all was right in his world.

After recovering from their shock, the small mob caught up to him in the halls, grabbing him by the elbow and jerking harshly. Despite threatening Harry to "shut the hell up and take back what he said", their enraged reactions had been too funny not to laugh. With the intervention of a passing teacher, he got away with a mere twist of the arm and the professor had been nice enough to give him the go-ahead to ditch class under the excuse of checking for bodily injuries at the Nurse's Office. And now this brings us sometime later watching the poor boy scrambling to find a place to study during the first thirty-minute Leisure Period, or what was known as 'Snack' back in his old middle school.

He grumbled, "I mean, if you don't want to study, just... go... home. Come on, it's not like anyone's studying there anyways!" _'I can't believe I moved all the way here from the UK to Japan... just to be stuck with snotty nosed brats who can't hold a single, meaningful conversation without mentioning what they spent their money on recently. I don't care if Ouran's the best of the nation; I just wish I never transferred here from Hogwarts.' _

Shoving through the crowd of students gathered on the top floor, he stopped momentarily to bow and whisper apologetic excuses when the girls gave outraged cries. A tiny, nervous smile curved up his lips as he promised to make it up to them in one way or another before speeding off again to God knows where.

**_'The unused music room at the end of the North Hallway...' _**

_'Now, here, this must be unoccupied,'_ he mentally concluded, skidding to a halt in front of what was called the "Music Room 3". Not a single instrumental music could be heard through the walls—unlike the day before when the hooting of bagpipes shook his Algebra II class—and inside seemed to be void of any life. "It's quiet so maybe there isn't anyone here?"

As he opened the door with one hand (the other was holding onto the school textbooks), the door was blown back by silky petals of roses streaming from the hot gust of wind, hitting him square in the face. An orchestra of classical Beethoven resonated pleasantly in his ears and, eyebrow twitching, in order to steer clear of the strange happening, he was about to abandon ship when silence took reign once again. It was, for lack of a better word, weird. Scratching at his head, he shrugged off the incident and stepped closer. He had made up his mind earlier to enter the music room, and it wasn't as if he was prohibited from entering... he couldn't see the harm in studying in what was probably the only uninhabited room in the entire campus. He might as well make use of it.

A lump formed in his throat. Weirdly enough, this reminded him of a scene in some shoujo manga some girls were gushing over in class today. He chuckled. And if reality followed the laws of fiction, then a horde of good-looking men would suddenly appear and declare their undying love to him. _'Yeah, right. When pigs fly....'_

With a bit of hesitancy, he mustered some bravado and stepped in, only to rear back from the flashing lights and six people chorusing, "Hello, and welcome to the _Host Club_."

**_'I sought quiet... instead, I found the Host Club!' _**

The startled freshman stumbled back in surprise from the sensual purr of musculine voices and as he silently slid down the wall, his books dropped with a clatter around his feet. Six handsome men uniformed in blue stood before him, fixing their curious stares lazily upon him. His heart raced at the sight and he berated himself for his moment of speechlessness. _'Great, it wasn't empty after all. What's more, I didn't know there were students with rather good looks in this schoo—um, I can't believe I just thought of that. ...Tch, if only she hadn't accused me of being gay. I'm still not over it. And if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be thinking about this now. ...Okay, sooner or later, I'm bound to be like my godparents if I continue this train of thought. Not that I mind and all, but still.' _

He studied the men, taking in their proud expressions with disbelieving eyes. They weren't looking at him like an exotic insect under a microscope (unlike the rest of the Asian population here). That infuriating fascination still there but it looked like it was that of innocent curiosity._ 'They must be wondering who in their right mind would dare tresspass their Ho-. ...Host Club? Wow, um, I must have stumbled into a portal of some sort,'_ he mused._ 'Okay, this is almost like the scene from that manga now.'_

"Hey, your Lordship, it's a guy!" two twins with sharp amber eyes reported excitedly towards the amethyst-eyed blonde.

_'No shit, Sherlock.'_

Harry watched as the pair shared knowing smirks, slipping into a mockery of a devil persona. He had never been good at telling twins apart. They looked so alike! Yet despite their near identical features, there were notable differences between the two. He breathed a mental sigh of relief. One held a softer look as if he had been bullied in his childhood and the other carried the undeniable air of confidence. They also parted their cinnamon-red bangs differently... maybe as a way to help people differentiate between the two—one right and another left.

If he had to describe the two, Harry would lie through his teeth and say the redheads were definitely handsome to the boyish extent. But if he had to be honest, he would call that level of attractiveness: "handsomely gay". No and's, if's, or but's. The twins just _oozed_ homosexuality. He didn't know how to describe it; the two just looked flaming gay.

The blonde however....

Indigo eyes came to survey the boy thoughtfully and Harry felt chills shoot down his spine. The blonde's fingers had been weaved together to rest on strong thighs that were slim yet obviously showed some muscle through the black slacks, and the luxurious mane of flaxen gold crowned his head. Harry thought the blonde's bangs fell rather enticingly in his eyes. Girls would definitely go gaa-gaa over this type of guy. In Harry's mindpoint, the blonde carried himself with the easy grace and superior air of a powerful patriarch. Harry swept his gaze from the man's bare trace of a widow's peak to his neatly pressed button-down attaire, noting of how only he had a chair to sit on and everyone else stood in a relaxed semicircle.

Perhaps this was the so called club's president? Looked like a ruddy ponce with the severe case of a swelled-head.

Harry gave an indignant little snort. "Of course I'm a guy. What did you think I was, a bloody wizard?"

"Oh my gosh-"

"-He has the same accent!"

"-As our-"

"-Widdle Riddle!"

"What did you call me?" The one with the narrow scarlet eyes barked at the two, sending the twins scurrying off into the distance. He stood tall with shoulders thrown back and back pin-straight, someone that looked like he had class. The guy who was called 'Riddle' leveled his crimson gaze on where he stood and immediately Harry shuddered, feeling naked under the man's intense look.

The blonde sent a scathing glare at the two redheads and hissed, "Shush, you dolts. Men are valuable patrons too, so stifle it!" He quickly glanced at Riddle fearfully, and turned back to smile warmly at the rattled freshman. Again, flowing roses scattered in the air from behind the blonde's throne, (Harry couldn't pinpoint the exact origin from his current viewpoint), as he proudly announced, "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club... Potter, Harry-kun, Ouran's second scholarship student! You are a rather rare creature in this place." He beamed, amethyst eyes twinkling brightly. "Foreigner, I welcome you to our humble excuse of a pied-à-terre."

"...Uh, thanks?"

**_'The Private Ouran Institute... the wealthy are blessed with idle hours and six handsome, especially idle students have formed the Host Club to entertain females also burdened by a surfeit of leisure time. It is an elegant institution unique to ultra-upper-crust high school.' _**

For some reason, Harry couldn't help but find his eyes drawn back to the one standing next to the blonde. Riddle was, in a word or two, rather striking, his midnight hair tied back in a little ponytail that trailed by the nape of his neck. It wasn't everyday you see a dude with a ponytail. Stray strands fell alongside the sides of his face, but it was exceptionally sexy on him even if some fell out of the leather thong tying his hair back. Among the men, he stood out with his non-Asian features and his more refined, posh posture that reminded Harry of a young Voldemort from _Hogwarts: the Movie_. He looked like someone he could look up to.

"My, my. Now what do we have here? A common folk," Riddle purred with a slight simper gracing his thin lips. Harry immediately regretted his thoughts.

Oh yeah, not exactly welcoming.

"I beg your pardon?" Harry said sharply. He rose to the bait, recognizing it as a challenge, a test the rich casually used everyday to see what made him tick. "What's so wrong being... what you folks call "common"? I mean, it gets kinda annoying when, you know, everyone's calling you something you cannot exactly comprehend yet rubs you off the wrong way."

The small quirk of a dark eyebrow and a bemused expression filled the man's face at the unique counter. A wry smile tugged on his aristocratic features, his cheekbones and angles clearly defined in the light. "I wouldn't know but a pity, then."

Harry suddenly had the strong urge to sock the smirk off a certain someone's face.

"Please allow me the pleasure of educating your puerile mind. It is my resolve to see that common folks won't easily fit into our elegant culture. After all, this school was originally established to admit sons and daughters of the rich instead of common-blooded people—hence, the common folks. Only a scholarship student with the mulish stubbornness of a jackass could ever make it through to this fine institution. I've heard you achieved much accomplishments besides being accepted in this school, correct?" he leaned forward, draping an arm across the blonde's throne of finely carved woodwork. "Even so, it's still an uphill to get noticed for someone of your meager background. It's a wonder how quickly you've become popular. You must have a mysterious charisma no one else has," he noted, granting the boy a malicious smirk. "My compliments to you."

"Gee, thanks a load," Harry replied with a cynical overtone clearly evident in his voice. _'Note to self, tell him to get the stick up his arse removed.' _

_'You're just jealous of his good looks. Not that you'd mind, of course.' A_ voice responded back in the same snarky tone that sounded suspiciously like his own.

_'Shut up, you stupid-! Wait... oh freak no, I'm talking to myself... in my head. That's it, I've officially gone loco. Just sign me up and stick me in a mental institution. Help, I'm speaking to imaginary people that strangely sound like me!' _Harry nearly smacked his forehead in frustration. Nearly. In midst of strange men.

"Why yes! In short, Harry-kun, you're a trail-blazer!" The blonde grabbed Harry's hands and shook them ecstatically to the point where he thought his arms were about to fall off its sockets. "Welcome, Ouran's notorious pauper, to the realm of wealth! Although you're the _top_ student in _your_ class, why you're poorer than a church mouse! Some may call you a weed or despise your low-class status but the fact is, don't worry. Everyone will!"

Was he trying to illustrate his condolences? _'Well he's failing rather marvelously at that.'_ "Uh-huh... you think?" A tic appeared by Harry's right eye, the very same tic that's causing the said eye to twitch, and he fruitlessly continued trying to pull his hands out of the blonde's iron grip. "And why do you, a complete stranger, know my name?"

"There's nothing_ wrong_ with poverty, of course. And not to worry, I, Tamaki Suoh, won't discriminate against you!" Tamaki continued on, Harry's question going unnoticed. "You're in fact a crusader, and a crusader needs only one thing: a reckless heart!" he declared pasionately. Abruptly as his erratic behavior came, the blonde halted in his rant and took on a different subject he had been dying to ask Harry ever since the juicy rumor passed his ears. "Of course, I've also overheard from some students that you're gay. That not it isn't acceptable or anything! In fact, loving someone beyond the transgression of being the same gender is courageous and to think you're willing to display such-"

"Excuse me?" Harry spluttered, his eyes widening comically behind his large spectacles. "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not-"

Tamaki bristled at the cuss word thrown into the scholarship student's choice of vocabulary. "Language, Potter! Anyways, so what's your type? The silent heart throb? I assure you, he's a real sensitive man underneath." A gesture to the tallest man Harry had ever seen face to face. "Our boy lolita? He's as cute as he looks!" This time, a motion to a boy not even half the size of the giant standing nearby. "Now, you know him as Riddle but to the ladies, he's known to be a perfect gentleman. British, too; probably right up your alley." Oh, the red-eye jerk. "Twincest? Or," Combing his fingers through golden curls, he demonstrated a suggestive wiggle of his golden eyebrows. Reaching a hand to cup Harry's chin, he softly crooned, "Am I more your style? How 'bout it, underclassman?"

The familiar sensation of chills running down his spine came once more as Harry shivered in faint revulsion. Great, now even this dope had heard what his ex-friend spread behind his back. Besides, a man willingly hitting on him? Had he been the third party to this surreal experience, he would've laughed and deemed it ridiculous. Plus, what was up with the salesman approach? Did he think he was pitching a sale or something? Quickly, he scrambled away from the screwball and unknowingly, placed himself in another dire predicament. He was in the embrace of another (he had mistaken the firm chest as a wall)—a certain ruby-eyed individual taken aback by the boy's sudden display of cheek.

At first, Harry didn't notice he was anyone's arms as he was busy sprouting off embarrassed retorts. "Dude, look, don't believe everything you hear from people. I don't swing that way! And who are you to-"

"-A crusader," the shortest of the blonde's entourage interrupted. "So then, Harry, you're really a prince? Like the prince in the _Prince and the Pauper_, pretending to be poor when in actuality, being far well-off in his wallet and of noble blood? Waaaa, amazing! Does that mean you also have tales of rescuing princesses? Ooh, I just love those!"

"I'm not a damn prince," Harry scowled irritably. "I get it already so you can _stop _making fun of my background." Huffing in annoyance, he looked down to lock gazes with the kid but he felt a pang of guilt when his eyes met the other's. Even the thick fringe of abnormally fair hair couldn't hide the wide, watery eyes threatening to spill out. The self-proclaimed lolita collapsed in tears and the tall man that had been at his side kneeled down on a knee, comforting the fair boy with a worn-down stuffed bunny he had hidden behind his back.

The lolita in question—he looked no older than ten at the very least—pinned him with the cutest glare Harry had ever seen before burrowing his face back into his toy. Odd, why was there a child at Ouran High? From what he knew, all visitors were required to have hall passes pinned to their breast no matter who you were. Well, it was either that or those outlandish, yellow armbands.

The towering giant, on the other hand, looked like he had seen his share of fights. Cropped raven hair topped his head in short, sassy spikes and as he comforted the boy, curious gray orbs peered at the freshman. In turn, Harry openly stared back, secretly envying the trim, muscular athlete before him. Merlin, if only _he_ had those killer biceps!

The man who was still holding him in a loose embrace let out an amused chuckle, shaking him out of his reverie. Harry heard the start of a rumble welling up, oddly enough, within a person's chest and in his confusion, he noticed his arms being gripped. With only his head to swivel up to glance at the source of the chuckle, he gaped stupidly and tore himself out of the smirking sophomore's arms.

The man's infuriating smirk just got wider. "And here I thought you liked being held," he murmured, his voice low and husky.

"Err, look. I was just trying to find a quiet place to study and somehow, I bumped into you lot." He sighed impatiently, ramming a hand through his disheveled hair. He started to walk away backwards, inching from the strange flirts who had the unfortunate misconception of his sexual orientation. "So, excuse me-"

With a start, he felt his elbow bump against something solid. Whirling around quickly, he saw it was a beautifully carved, ninteenth century Victorian vase that just happened to scream money—the said object teetering dangerously off the edge of its marble pedestal. But before Harry could make a grab to straighten it, the vase tumbled to the floor, smashing into a million pieces of azure porcelain.

A heavy silence wrapped itself around the boys like a thick, suffocating quilt. Oh great, was he in _deep_ shit. He could just hear his "landlord's" voice groaning, _'Good job, boy wonder. You've gotten yourself into an elite school and it hasn't even been a week before you broke something.' _Finally, he swallowed hard and quietly mumbled, "I'm _sooo_ dead, aren't I?"

One of the twins fixed Harry with an unwavering glower. "You're damn right you're gonna be, you clumsy fool. That vase was made _exclusively_ by Molly Weasly, thee top artisan in the world of pottery making. Do you know how hard it is to get your hands on any of her collection? Also since it was to be featured in our school audition-"

"-And the bidding was going to start at eighty-thousand grand... but I doubt it would even fetch a grand," the other twin chimed in.

_'Holy Mother of...! Eighty frickin' thousand?'_ Harry swallowed thickly and stammered out a meek, "It's... um, I-I'll pay for it?"

"You bet your ass you will, but how?" the older sounding of the twins drawled.

"You can't even afford the standard uniform," the other one noted, looking over Harry's sweater and cargo pants with blatant distaste.

The crimson-eyed man gave a tiny, almost inaudible sigh before tossing a weary glance at the blonde. "Well, what are you going to do about this? It was originally in your family's possession. Your heirloom, your verdict."

"Hmm," Tamaki pursed his lips in deep thought, tapping the armchair with his perfectly manicured nails. "I don't know, Riddle-san," he admitted, "This is a rather unfortunate dilemma." After a moment of pondering, he snapped his fingers, the sound echoing loudly in the music room. "Well guards, what are you waiting for? Seize him!"

Harry froze.

"Aye aye, Cap!" In the blink of an eye, the two redheads appeared by his side, each twin gripping the crook of his arms tightly in their hold. Harry winced. Well, there went any chance of escaping his due punishment.

"Harry-kun, are you familiar with the saying: 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'? And this: 'If you don't have the cash, you pay with your carcass'?" he flicked a finger lazily in Harry's direction. "As of today, you're the Host Club's dog."

"Aw shit," Harry groaned, his mind numbly digesting what just took place. "No way. This can't be happening."

The sniffling lolita stopped crying for a moment to look at him sympathetically. Tugging the hem of the tallest man's navy blazer, he made the other bend down till they were in direct eye contact. Whispering a few short words into the other man's ear, he could only look slightly put out as the taller man sighed and shook his head.

Riddle bowed his head, his bangs falling into his eyes and covering half his face from view. It was hard trying in vain to curb his emotions from showing. His eyes had lit up with glee at the prospective profits and as he picked up a clipboard from the nearby table, he hid a small smirk at the unforeseen event that just happened to befall on the misfortunate youth. "Suoh," he murmured softly, long lashes obscuring the view of his sharp eyes. "Shall I draw up a contract?"

Shooting him a grateful look, the blonde let loose a relieved sigh and reclined back into his chair. "Thanks, Riddle-san. You always know what to do in these situations."

Chuckling, Riddle crossed the music room with fluid grace and soon, Harry found himself looking up into the eyes of the sinfully-handsome man. His stomach plummeted as the man crouched, extending his hand to offer a sleek black pen to him. "Come now, Mr. Potter. I believe you owe me your signature?"

--

**_'_A few_ years later after you_ two disappear_ and_ somehow dealt a hand in coercing my living arrangments_ with_ ****a certain few _who can't handle money, I manage after years of hard work to get into this school. And somehow, I wind up as a petty servant to some yippy-dee-do Host Club.' _**

"If you could, where would you take me to summer, upperclassman Suoh?" asked a girl boldly, delicately sipping her tea.

Tamaki smiled, mirroring her actions with his own cup. "Wherever you wish to go."

"What's your favorite music genre?" another girl questioned.

"Whatever you like, I like."

Another woman shyly asked him, "I baked a cake for you today. It's not that great, but will you try a tiny piece?"

Tamaki leaned in and whispered, "If you feed it to me, I will."

"Oh, Tamaki," the female sighed and leaned back against the plush frame of the ornately-carved chair, content with his answer.

Harry stared in disgust at the sugarcoated responses the blonde fed to the ladies. Couldn't they tell he was probably taking his lines from a sappy romance novel that badly needed editing? His attention then perked up at the sound of the twins' voice. Maybe the twins' interactions with the females wouldn't be half as bad. With hooded eyes, he peeped at the two redheads from his spot the blonde had collared him to stand guard (he was so going to kill the blonde later) and observe the exchange obetween the host and his clients.

The older-sounding twin was rolling on the tile floor, laughing and clutching his stomach in agonized laughter. "So this guy, half asleep, tried to save the data he'd pulled after an all-nighter compiling-"

The other sibling flushed a hearty shade of red. "-Not that story, Hikaru!"

He continued on, "And came running to me in a panic, his PJs falling down as he was buck naked!"

"Hikaru! How could you tell everyone?" The younger twin sobbed, pressing his hot face in his hands.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kaoru," he said softly, prying the hands away from his brother's face, then cupping his cheek. "I didn't know you'd be hurt that much by this. But you're just too adorable when you're in a pitiful state."

The younger twin reverently whispered the older's name, lashes fluttering close in bliss at the contact.

A group of huddled girls together squealed excitedly, "Oh my gosh, brotherly love is just too cute!"

Harry sighed and shook his head. He didn't understand why some girls would go all gaa-gaa over the overly-affectionate spectacle. He would've understood the fawning over Blondie, since he was the only host with golden hair and all, but to actually fall over their heels watching twin brothers whisper incestual pick-up lines was just plain stupid to him. He looked away from the scene, bored out of his mind and not willing to watch the two make-out. It seemed to him that the only person in the music room without his share of customers was the host with unusual red eyes, calmly observing the hosts' performance.

As if reading his thoughts like an open book, Riddle smoothly explained, "Today was supposed to be my sick-leave, so that's why you're not seeing me work my shift. As for the show we put on, you must understand we simply apply our talents to meet each and everyone of the desires of our diverse clients. Incest seems to be popular with the girls as of late, particulary twincest. Haven't you ever come across the "Anime & Manga Club" that just opened a few months ago? Their current theme is "BL" and there have been multiple submissions of relationships such as Cain and Abel from _Trinity Blood_, and the 'Inu Brothers' from _Inuyasha_. Hey, what's with the look? ...You don't believe me? Tch, fine. Go take a look yourself" He handed over his small, ebony-lined journal containing the penned request rates of each host. "Surprisingly, Suoh is our number one draw. And before you ask, no, it is not my diary."

As soon as Harry flipped through the bound pages, his jaw dropped in disbelief. "Him? That... _weirdo_? A forty-seven percent request rate? But that's almost fifty percent!"

Riddle smirked, nodding at Harry's expected reaction. "Amazing, isn't it? Ever since that second year, Haruhi Fujioka, enrolled into this school, she's been the center of Tamaki's world. Hence, the supplementary of his clients," he said simply. Mild disgust flashed across his face as he concluded, "Simply put, everyone you see here is Tamaki's client. Ours fell short due to the lack of space our club can provide in one sitting, so many were put on waiting lists. I used to be the most requested host but that went away since the girl's appearance in the campus."

"You... don't have any... girls?"

"No, I have quite a supplement of female companions at hand but since I'm juggling two club activities at the same time, my girls tend to flock towards the other one I manage since they know they have a low chance at getting a one-on-one time with me unless a request for a sitting had been placed beforehand. ...I do believe I have male suitors as well, so don't despair, Mr. Potter. You're not the only one." He patted Harry on the shoulder.

"Wait, wait," Harry suddenly frowned. "Back up. Tamaki has a crush on... Haruhi?" he asked, too distracted to notice the jab at his sexuality. _'Geez, another suitor. She already has enough.' _

"I thought I already made it clear to you that he did," the man sighed in a weary tone that sounded very much like he was speaking to a slow child. A flash of hot temper licked at Harry, but he wrestled it down. "As par of the contract's requirements, you'll handle the basic chores for now. Of course, you can refuse and leave, therefore making the contract void, but _my_ reach—nevermind my family's—is long and wide. I trust you have a passport?" he asked innocently, a small hint of a smile curling up at the corners.

_'A devil's smile....' _

"That's right, Potter! You've got eighty thousand grand-worth of chores to do." Tamaki breathed down Harry's neck. "And do avoid the ladies." This time, a cruel smirk graced his features. "I cannot be held responsible for all the future disasters that may befall you should the beautiful butterflies report you."

"Argh, stop doing that!" Harry spun around and glared hotly at the amused blonde. "You stay away from me, you bastard! You're just like everyone else at this school! _You're just like Malfoy!_ Listen, man or woman, how we look is irrelevant. You're merely just a player, toying with human emotions. It's not how the way they look, but rather the way they feel. Can't you understand that?" Harry all but shouted, staring defiantly into Tamaki's stunned indigo eyes.

Everyone in the room turned to look at the source of the outburst. A blanket of silence covered the inhabitants as they stared at the madman before them, he already tired from his display of rare contempt. Harsh pants racked his body, but it barely registered due to the bulk of his oversized sweater. The outfit could, in fact, fit a whale. Breathing in deeply, he griped guiltily, "Aah, man. I did it again didn't I?"

Wincing, he lowered his steely gaze to the marble floor. "Look, I didn't mean to blow up at you. You must understand I've had a bad day with my being your... frickin' _slave_ and all." He quickly prattled off his apologies to Tamaki.

Tamaki frowned, tongue in cheek. He made damn sure not to point out that the boy basically threw a childish fit in front of all the customers; the poor boy was embarrassed enough already. Besides, who was this Malfoy he spoke of? "It's quite alri-"

A loud slam interrupted him in mid-speech. Exasperated, he turned to chastise the person for making that dreadful noise but his scolding stopped short and his heart started thudded in his chest, beating away like a wild jackhammer. "Ha-Haruhi! Wha-what brings you here?" he stuttered, now fussing with his neatly combed hair. A faint blush rose to his cheeks and he was suddenly aware of small imperfections on his person as soon as she stepped into the room. He wasn't Adonis, he knew. Because of all his small flaws, this dark beauty didn't dare cast a second look to him.

After all, why else would she reject all his offers to start a relationship? He'd been sure to stay avaliable and free for her, no matter the work load or tasks at hand. He had proposed, sent bouquets, even _begged_ but all his efforts were for naught. His irises darkened. Maybe she wanted someone with a more mature air or something... perhaps like Riddle? He heaved a sigh. Which was why he needed to act more mature and not of a frivolous schoolboy with a crush! He rushed to her side, offering an arm as a gesture of good will. "Haruhi, I'm deeply and sincerely sorry that I've forgotten our appointment for today! And, my, I_ love_ your new haircut!"

The one eyeing him in distrust was Haruhi Fujioka, the first famed scholarship student to ever grace the Ouran campus with wide-set eyes the color of aged whiskey. To Tamaki's delight, she was sporting a new pixie-cut do that framed her oval face, the back of her sepia hair curling to an end at the nape of her neck. She seemed rather mystified by his display of chivalry. "Thanks...? But what are you going on about? What appointment?"

It was the blonde's turn to look puzzled, but that only enhanced his adorable kicked puppy look. "You did not want my company?" he asked, sounding genuinely wounded yet hopeful at the same time. "Is it not why you're here?"

"I'm here to see Harry," she professed, flinging an arm around the freshman's shoulders. "So stop deluding youself into thinking I'm worth gushing over. I don't need your recognition anyways." Not that she wanted to have his attention in the first place. To her, he had flung himself on her just because she was the _first_ female to ignore his advances. It was pathetic a man of his upbringing would reduce himself to such a state only when she refused to part a measely morsel of affection. Was he secretly a machoist? It wouldn't surprise her if he secretly was. It might explain why he came begging at her feet for more.

Her face turned green. ...Even that sounded dirty. _'Oh geez, does this make me some sort of a sick sadist?'_

Out of the blue, a female student in the same atrocious shade of yellow all female students were required to wear leaped from her chair and attached herself to his waist. "Master Tamaki, I think you're prefect as you are!" Parallel nods followed her action, and he visibly relaxed his agitated posture.

"Why, thank you all. You're too kind. Your adulation touches my heart." Much to the delight of his clients, he flashed a broad smile, revealing too much of his pearly-whites to Haruhi's distaste. Didn't he have any sense of modesty and conservativeness?

She shook her head. And to think she was feeling pity for the host. For goodness sake, the man was a player! Her harsh gaze softened as she felt him shift uncomfortably against her and she stretched out a hand to ruffle Harry's wild hair playfully, causing him to staunch all squirming. "So how are you faring with these crazy kooks, Harry?" She grinned and teased, "Should I bring the dreaded banana?"

Harry blinked and automatically replied, "Nope, pretty good so far. No need for food poisoning as of yet."

The hosts shot him a weird look. Catching this, Haruhi rolled her eyes and mouthed, "Inside joke." Turning back, her arms somehow managed to loop around him in a protective hold, and the self-proclaimed alterego: 'Mother Hen of the Commoners' surfaced. Oh, how she hated that nickname. But true to her namesake, she demanded, "Alright, fess up! So what the heck have you bug-fuck crazies done to him?"

Much to her enjoyment, her irksome suitor looked like he had been diagnosed with a case of precarious malady dentrimental to his looks as soon as the words were uttered from her mouth. "Such vulgar language! A girl should not swear!" he choked, pointing at her direction with a shaking index finger. He whirled to the club's vice-president, threw his arms up in the air, and wailed, "Riddle-san! Did you hear what she just said? She said the 'F' word!"

"I can say whatever I like. It's Japan, dipshit. Freedom of thought and conscience, Article 19, or haven't you heard of the Constitution? And you can't do anything about it."

"You hear that? She said the 'D' word now!"

"Sheesh, calm down, you kissing machine. You're going to get an ulcer if you keep screaming about it."

Embarrased at being by the center of attention, Harry pulled her down and hissed in her ear, "Shut up, _please_. If you haven't noticed, you're making a scene. Everyone's staring! Besides, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be studying instead of following me?"

Picking up the one-sided conversation with his acute hearing, Tamaki turned to stare at him. "She's been following you?" he asked incredulously. Considering the situation, his amethyst eyes widened when he came to the conclusion she was dating the loser freshman. "Haruhi," he suddenly pouted, sauntering over to the tomboy in a manner as seductive as he could. Haruhi could only look slightly creeped out as he drew closer, instinctively hugging Harry closer to her bosom.

Tamaki easily towered over the both of them. "Just what is your relationship with this," here he paused before spitting out, "...simpleton?"

"Which simpleton are you refering to? You?" Harry growled, directing a glare at Tamaki's jealous stab.

"Simpleton?" Haruhi blinked rapidly at what the blonde had referred Harry as. Her thoughts trailed off as the two quarreled, drifting away as she complemented the blonde's words. _Simpleton_? Wasn't that the same word he used to insult the shy senior who mustered up his courage to confess to her? Then with chilling clarity, the world came crashing down. Her shoulders shaking, she did what no one expected her to do.

A chortle erupted from her lips and like a burst dam, mad laughter ensued.

Everyone stared at her in bewilderment. "Haruhi!" Harry cried, horrified at her mirth. "You're not suppose to laugh at that!"

Haruhi ignored him, and tromped away from the confused blonde standing shell-shocked at her side. She backed all the way to the ivory doors with such grace that it would make the entire shallow female population jealous, should they witness it of course. She tried to stifle another fit of giggles that burst through her lips, and she lowered her face so that no one would be able to see her wide smirk. "Sorry, Harry. But oh gosh, the irony! That remark was too funny not to laugh. Pft, simpleton!"

She slammed the door shut, whipped around, and in turn, blew a raspberry.

* * *

And this pretty much marks the end of chapter one. And before you ask, there's no way I'm pairing Tamaki up with Harry! Sorry, but I'm a die-hard, dedicated fan of TamakixHaruhi pairings. Besides, I can't picture Harry with some tall, blonde that is very emotional and "an annoying idiot" (as quoted by Bisco Hatori). Hmm... maybe.

Also, yes... I downplayed Tamaki's request rates. Why? Simply put, let's consider the math. Let's say they have a hundred clients. There are six men in the Host Club and in this story, I only made him fifty percent popular. If he has fifty and there are five men left, if you divide the percentage equally among the rest, they should get only a percent rate of ten clients at each sitting. In the manga _(and anime?)_, the original draw was seventy. But if you think about it, that would mean everyone else would barely have **FIVE** customers.

And did I mention I divided equally among themselves? Based on the manga, I did not take in account that the twins and Hunny draw in more clients than Mori and Kyoya in favor of equality. Of course, since I've replaced Tom with Kyoya, and you guys all know how popular Tom is with the ladies...

Heh. Tamaki may face some stiff competition now with Harry in the mix.

--X--

_Notes:_

In Japan, calling someone with their first name without a suffix or something like that is considered to be close to that person. I dunno where I got this, but I read this on some scanlated doujinshi. I'm just gonna let some people call each other by their first names. "Senpai" refers to upperclassman. And ooh, this means Harry has some sort of a relationship with Haruhi, eh? -sniggers-

--X--

Here's the **actual **challenge summary:

Challenge: Harry Potter/Ouran High School Host Club: Harry isn't exactly rich or poor, super smart or dumb but some how he got into the richest school in Japan! He lost his parents when he was little and was now living with God parents which were... well not normal but he loved them just the same. Now all Harry wanted to do was prove his worth by doing his best and getting top marks but the only problem was he couldn't find a place to quietly study! After searching the whole school he finally came across a music room that was not occupied, he opened the door but was blown back by a gust of wind and rose petals. Harry blinked and stepped into the room only to hear a chorus of six people say "Hello, welcome to the Host Club". (Harry is Haruhi, Draco is Tamaki, Remus is Honey, Fred and George are Kaoru and Hikaru, (a hot) Snape is Takashi, and Tom is Kyouya. Or just have the same characters from the show.)

_**TA Fansite** (Replace as the parentheses says)**: **_http://trivialaffections_(dot)_webs_(dot)_com/


	2. Extreme Makeover

Aww. Thanks for taking time to stop and read this, especially those who reviewed, too! I was seriously surprised. I mean...for such a short time, three people actually stopped to review. Arigatou! About the summary...I couldn't make it fit into the box without it sounding corny. Sorry! But if you meant the one_** in**_ the story, then I don't see it. I mean, it looks like the same. And oh yeah! I'm on a roll! See ya in the very next chapter!

**-**

**[7/10/09]- THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SEVERELY RE-EDITED BY ME AND ALL UPLOADED CHAPTERS WILL UNDERGO THE SAME PROCESS**

**-**

-X-

**The Person Paired Up With Harry Will Either Be-**

Tom- 2

Kyouya (yes; he counts...despite my saying six people) - 1

Mori- 1

Hikaru- 0

Kaoru- 0

Honey-0

Or Draco (surprising isn't it) - 0

-X-

'_**Blah Blah'**_ means a quote from either book

'_**Blah **_**Blah**_**'**_ means a quote but with my own touchup included

"**Blah Blah"** means literally shouting in a very, Very, VERY loud voice

"Blah Blah" means dialogue

'_Blah Blah'_ means a thought

Blah_ Blah_ means emphasis

* * *

_'One of them was a very old wizard who was wearing a long flowery nightgown. The other was clearly a Ministry wizard; he was holding out a pair of pinstriped trousers and almost crying with exasperation._

__

"Just put them on, Archie, there's a good chap. You can't walk around like that, the Muggle at the gate's already getting suspicious-"

"I bought this in a Muggle shop," said the old wizard stubbornly. "Muggles wear them."

"Muggle _women_ wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these," said the Ministry wizard, and he brandished the pinstriped trousers.

"I'm not putting them on," said old Archie in indignation. "I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks.'

**~ (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling)**

* * *

--

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 2

--

Ever since Haruhi Fujioka dropped by to visit Harry Potter, Ouran's "It Host" Tamaki Suoh was in a state of depression. Even his loyal clients, disheartened by his black attitude, had gave up and left him alone to wallow in his misery. "It's not fair," he mumbled to himself, occasionally looking up to give their newest addition to the club with what he liked to call the "stink eye". He whined, "How could a simpleton like you receive the end of her attention while I get nadaa? You've only been here for two months and I've known her for at least two years!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Relax before you burst an artery, alright? Look, all I did was a normal procedure—you know, the greeting pleasantries and stuff?—so chill. I can't see why you're making such a big deal over this."

"Normal?" he repeated, his voice coming close to a high squeak one would expect from a mouse. "NORMAL? I CAN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT YOU DEFINE AS 'NORMAL'!"

"Seriously, Suoh, stop overreacting. You're starting to freak _me_ out. I mean, you drove away all your girls just 'cause you did a really stupid thing in your moment of blind stupidity. Who the bloody hell did you think you are attacking me like that? No one but you, of course."

Before he had settled down into the melancholy funk he was displaying right now, his brief flash of outrage had been alarmingly vicious. In his vision of blossoming red, all he could see was a vision of Haruhi in a wedding dress, great and poofing white, smiling as she literally was hanging off of the freshman's arm in what seemed to be a look of surreal bliss. His imagined version of the British student shot him a satisfied smirk and all Tamaki could hear was cackling laughter, mocking him as the door in reality slammed shut in deafening echoes. With a delusioned cry, he dove straight for the commoner that had been secretly inching away from him, disturbed by the chilling air suddenly emitting off of the blonde. Of course, considering their distance, Tamaki's lack of fitness, and Harry's amazing agility that have been honed over the past few years to avoiding bullies, you can probably guess what followed soon after.

The startled scholarship student had ducked and the blonde pretty much sailed through the air before crashing headfirst against a harmless piece of wooden furniture.

Tamaki winced at his recollection and he started rubbing his tender head from the recent memories. He remembered many girls flocking to his side, crying out his name in worry. What if he damaged his pretty face? While the girls were busy cooing over him, at least one girl had the sense to come running with an ice pack in hand when he blearily opened his eyes. Bless the girl. As soon as the plastic bag made contact with his head, the pain numbed almost instantly despite the shearing, icy shock that racked his brain.

Now he was being berated by an underclassman, a commoner at that. Shame coursed through him. Being a grade higher, he shouldn't be on the receiving end of the scolding. Rather, it should be the other way around. How... utterly... ludicrous. The absolute concept of the thought made his blood curdle and his pride wilt like a drooping flower. But he understood where the boy was coming from. He didn't know why he reacted that way when Haruhi left, but he remembered his fingers biting into his palms and knew no more through the haze that clouded his mind. Tamaki groaned, his eyes sliding shut when Harry let loose another stream of admonishment.

Harry tsked softly, shaking his head at the mere absurdity of the situation. He, a nobody, was scolding an obviously popular upperclassman cowering in the corner. Great, just what was the world coming to? "Jeez, you know I could've charged you for assault and battery? You're damn lucky you were way off target." He grinned sadistically and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Though I can't say you made a smooth landing, blondie-"

"King," Tamaki interrupted before Harry could continue. "That's what they call me here. You too or else I don't know you. And for Heaven's sake, shut up."

_The hell...?_ "Err, well then... King, I-"

"Ah! Do pardon us, your majesty!" Kaoru Hitachin cried, bumping into the club president and sending the poor man flying from his corner. Tamaki landed face-flat on the tiles, his curses muffled from having his cheeks pressed against the cold tiles. "My hands are full of hot pipin' Earl Gray!" Contrary to his word, he was carrying nothing at hand.

"You're in the way, your royalness!" Hikaru Hitachin exclaimed, _accidentally _kicking the Tamaki in the ribs midstride. "Oops, so sorry."

"Your request list is backing up, sire." Tom Riddle mentioned offhandly, pretending to study his clipboard as miscalculated the length of his stride and ended up with a foot stepping on the King's back. The King gave an indignant bellow and Tom gave a tiny, malicious smile that made Harry's hair on the back of his neck stand straight up. He glanced at Harry, and quickly wiped away his expression behind his clipboard. "Actually, no one here calls him 'King'—I don't even know how he got that stupid notion—so don't worry, there's no need to call him that."

He quietly muttered his appreciation of thanks, making it sound more of a question than a statement, and Tom frowned, tilting his head upwards almost curiously as he studied the befuzzled look on the boy's face. His eyes roving up from the line of Harry's thin lips to his cute, little button-nose, he stopped and locked his red gaze at the green curvature of almond eyes. Something about those green irises hidden behind oversized coke-glasses intrigued him. He paused. Why the hell did he just think that? "Tom," he said finally, his voice low and uncertain.

"Wha-?"

"Bloody hell, Potter. I'm not going to repeat myself," he grimaced, scowling darkly as he turned away.

"Err," Harry blinked and nodded slowly. "I'm assuming that's your name, right? And you don't like it... judging by the sour look on your face."

A downwards jerk of a nod silenced Harry's doubts. Tom said tersely, "You don't have to use my first name if it displeases you."

"If you don't like the name, really, I'm perfectly fine with calling you... umm, 'Upperclassman', 'Senpai', or 'Riddle'."

He swallowed hard, the sharp bob of his Adam's apple jumping up and down brusquely as he grunted, "Forget it then."

"Tom," Harry whispered slowly, trying to sound out the foreign name without making it sound awkward as he was prone to do whenever he addressed someone by their first name. Tom gave a small shudder, enjoying how his name rolled off the other's lips like wine. Harry held out his hand, knowing very well he was acting like some Yankee without regards to Japan's customs, but he was damned if he bowed to this jerk. A handshake would suffice. Besides, the man standing in front of him looked British, not Asian, so a handshake wouldn't be too out of the ordinary to him. "Hi, I'm Harry James Potter. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

With a taut smile, Tom's own hand slipped into Harry's outstretched hand and firmly took hold. "Tom Marvolo Riddle. Junior, really. Named after my bloody oaf of a father. We shall see if your services are as good as your pleasantries." Tugging on the delicate wrist—odd, a boy shouldn't be that frail—he pulled Harry against his body with a muffled thump and whispered, "But I will disclose my utter glee in what future prospects you might bring to the Host Club." Dragging his lush lips across the tip of the the kōhai's ear, he breathed, "And don't be mistaken... it will be a _pleasure_ to get to know one another."

Greedily drinking in the flushed look on Harry's face, he stopped to stare at the man shivering deliciously in his arms but catching himself in a dazed stupor, he roughly shoved Harry away, paying no heed to the look of confusion directed his way as he curtly stalked off without warning. He couldn't comprehend what simply came over him to say those trivial words of affection. It was as if his mouth had moved against his will and truth be told, he was afraid.

This was the first time he had lost his cool.

--

"And then, he said I woke up from my nightmare, and he nearly pissed his pants from the look on my face." Hikaru crowed, taking a sip out of his Thai iced tea. He smiled at the girls sitting at the same table, huddled together in wide-eye wonder.

"Hikaru! Speaking of that in front of others is so mean," Kaoru whimpered as he glared at his older twin brother. Tears dripped from his twin hazel orbs, and he angrily brushed it away.

"Kaoru..."

The blushing girls huddled even closer and let out an anxious sigh. The scene was unfolding. Would they kiss? Would Hikaru get down on his knees and serenade a song of love, begging his twin to forgive him? Or worse, would Kaoru denounce their forbidden love, finally tired of all the ridicules he faced for their incestual relationship? The girls held their breaths.

As if an answer to their prayers, Hikaru dropped down on one knee so that he was eye-to-eye with his sitting twin. Hikaru cupped his brother's chin and leaning foward, he gently kissed away the tears. ""Kaoru, I'm sorry. You just look so cute at that moment. I just...," he trailed off, nuzzling into Kaoru's soft red hair. _'Mmm. Peach-scented. He must have brought a new conditioner.'_ "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Hikaru," he gasped, flushing as Hikaru scandalously leaned closer and closer. "Not in front of the ladies."

"Oh my gooooosh!" the girls squealed, hugging one another. One even had the audacity to fan herself. "Brotherly love is so beautiful!"

"Why are you crying in joy for?" Harry shook his head in disgust as he passed by the swooning ladies. "They're obviously faking it," he muttered under his breath as he carried a tray of drinks over to Mori and Hunny's table. A couple of girls shot him a dirty look—some curious—as he set the crystal bottles down their table with a 'clink'. "Just can't believe I'm the only one who sees through it."

In the meantime, Hunny Haninozuka—Harry was surprised when he found out the fair little boy was a highschool junior—sat perched on Takashi Morinozuka's lap. "Sorry," Hunny yawned kittenishly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his fist. "I fell asleep waiting for Takashi at the kendo club," he said, nuzzling back into Takashi's firm chest. "I'm still a bit tired."

"He's so cute," a new set of girls shrieked.

Harry flinched at their high-pitched squeal. If he didn't know better, he could've sworn their voices would've shattered the windows. "Is he really a senior? He looks like a grade-schooler."

"Don't a book by his cover. Hunny is a brilliant student, despite his naïve appearance. Hunny is, in fact, our _oldest_ member. As for Mori, he's the guy you know as Takashi, silence is his thing." Tamaki said, finally snapping out of his funk. With his acute hearing, he couldn't help but to intrude.

"It's his very best selling point," Tom said softly. He found himself pressed against the small of Harry's back, and it wasn't at all uncomfortable as he had imagined. In fact, he found himself enjoying frightening the kid. He chuckled, sending the boy jumping.

Harry instantly shuffled a few steps away, unnerved by their close proximity "You know, before this whole fiasco started, I just wanted to study."

Tamaki waved his hand through the air flippantly. "So why don't you do it at home?"

Harry snorted. "Tch, like I could. Ryuoji brings his _girls _over during the day, so they always bother me. He works during night, and that's the only time I get to finish homework."

"Ryuoji? Your dad?"

"No, my current guardian."

"Current?"

"Yeah, I used to live with Sirius in Britain before he ran into trouble." Harry rolled his eyes. "So when we flew here, he met Ryuoji at this bar, and Sirius got him to look after me."

Tamaki made a confused face and before he could open his mouth to ask, Tom interrupted him. "Are you saying your father walked into a bar, shared a drink with a random stranger, and you two somehow ended up with a new accommodation?"

"No," Harry let loose a stream of laughter. "Sirius is my godfather. Besides, it's not like that. Ryuoji's an old friend of Sirius, so they recognized each other right off the bat."

"Wait, he left you behind with his old friend?" Tamaki cut in, pulling a look of astonishment.

"Well, Sirius has a bit of a money problem he had to fix, so he took off before the loan sharks could find him."

"...Harry, shame on your godfather. Guess that puts a cramp in things. Your guardian won't pay for tuition, either?"

"Ryuoji already has a family to care for, and you don't know the hard life Sirius had. Along with everything else, he was stuck raising me for five years while looking for his other soul, someone to love him despite his faults. It was a struggle for him to claim me as his godson." His voice shook, but he continued on. "When he did, he practically spent all his inheritance to plead his case in court to get me away from my relatives, but we were happy. So happy."

Tom stood shell-shocked, staggered by the revelation. Never had Tom faced someone with genuine compassion for another human being. _'Honestly...' _Tom shook his head. _'If it had been me, I would've demanded to have my privileges acknowledged. However, I was raised in a different environment, so I really can't speak for myself.'_

Tom narrowed his eyes. It was strange though. The tale Harry fed to them, the names that popped out, something didn't seem right to him. Something had struck a chord within his mind, and it was the feeling that he heard this story before. He should get someone to investigate his suspicions—no, he had to do it himself. But wait, why did his godfather want to get Harry away from his blood relatives? _'Certainly... not domestic abuse.' _Hesitantly, he started, "Potter-"

When Harry began his explanation, Tamaki listened with a careful ear and he felt a trickle of sympathy as Harry poured his heart out. As each syllable was uttered, he picked up the almost rueful tone at each word Harry pronounced. Also, in a brief moment, he caught an indescribable emotion flying across Harry's tight eyes but as fast as it came, it was gone.

Nonetheless, an uncomfortable silence took reign, and there was a pregnant pause in any conversation that took place before Harry spoke. It was HIS club, and it was HIS rule that silence was forbidden.

Time to do the unthinkable, even if it meant butting into whatever Tom wanted to say first.

With a heavy sigh, he slunk an arm around Harry's shoulders and declared, "Harry, you've convinced me. Very well then, I shall cut you a deal. Your appearance makes the task all the more hopeless, but I shall do my best to teach you." He ignored the glare tossed at him.

He pitied to the freshman (even if he might be dating the one he loved), and decided to help brighten Harry's stay during his term at Ouran. He was always a sucker for sob stories. Besides, if he helped Harry, then Haruhi might pay attention to him. _'Then, I'll win her affection while Harry gets left behind in the dust! Wait... Haruhi might not like that. He can be our... uhh, esteemed male maid of honor.'_

"Wait, what?" Harry asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Make it a hundred!" the twins called out, suddenly liking the turn of events. It was like the passage of rite they faced not long before.

Tom scowled. "Suoh," he trailed warningly. The blonde sent a rapid shushing motion with his hand in Tom's direction, and carried on.

"If you can garner a hundred customer requests as one of the members of the Host Club, I'll waive your debt to the Host Club. You'll be the main attraction for all girls who love the show _Oshin_! And so, from today onwards, I shall keep a close eye on you. Be grateful you have such a caring mentor at your beck and call." Tamaki concluded happily as he led the unhappy boy away to start his teachings. "Oh, and can you put in a good word for me to Haruhi? Maybe you can introduce us!"

_'Mommy!'_

--

'**_Our motto of the Ouran Host Club is...be strong, distinguished, and elegant.'_**

Harry placed the crystal glass devoid of any liquid down on the gleaming surface of the ebony roundtable. "I'm sorry to keep you wai-"

"No! WRONG!" Tamaki roared, slamming Harry's hand with a self-made paper fan. "When you put a glass down, you cushion it with your pinky! You eliminate the harsh sound and show more grace."

Harry nursed his injured hand, already blooming red from the smack. "And this is not to annoy the customers?"

"No," he said, picking up the glass and holding it against the curve of his swan-like neck. "Observe. Don't I look classy?" he questioned, smiling charmingly at Harry. "This way, you can correct any imperfections in your appearance without the ladies detecting." True to his word, he snuck a peek at Harry's blank face and hurriedly combed his sunshine hair.

"I get it." _'Dude, you have one enormous ego._

"When things get difficult, gazing up from below can be an effective defuser. Not too stimulating, I hope?" Tamaki grinned as he did just that while leaning on his right arm.

"Not at all."

Tamaki stared, his shock unbridled. Sniffing, he set down the glass and dragged himself back to the same corner where his Haruhi-Rage-Incident occurred. He had slipped back into his funk. And to no surprise, the girls—Tamaki's clients were placed on the waiting list due to the ongoing, live tutorial—were glaring daggers at Harry's back.

Harry gulped._ '...Joy.'_ "Err, no... I mean, I think I felt my heart skip a touch." _'My mistake. An enormous, SENSITIVE_ _ego.' _

"Hatter! Wanna share some cake with me?" Hunny all but chirped happily, throwing his arms around Harry's slim waist. The junior's clients stared in wonder, holding their breath at Harry's next action. _'What will the nerdy commoner do?'_ they all thought.

"What the freak? Dude, don't do that!" Harry yelped, almost toppling over from the added weight. "And uhh, thanks but no thanks. I don't care much for sweets." he lied as he finally regained his balance. Actually, he loved anything sweet, from Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans to chocolate frogs back home in the local supermarket, but knowing the Host Club, he wouldn't pass it to them to try to poison him. He peered down at Hunny's head, richy adorned with champagne blonde curls. _'So peculiar. He's 18, but...'_

"Here then," Hunny whipped out his rabbit plushie and shyly held it in front of him. "You can borrow my bun-bun."

'_Bun-Bun? Oh. He meant that pink, stuffed animal.'_ "No, it's alright," he said slowly. "I don't-"

"You don't like Usa-chan?" Hunny whimpered, sniffling cutely. To add to his effect, bulbous tears were squeezed out the depths of his caramel eyes.

_'Oh dear,'_ he thought worriedly as now Hunny's clients shot him the same dagger look. He was making more enemies than friends._ 'I'm sorry... I failed you Sirius.'_ He sighed, "On second thought, give it here."

Hunny cheered.

--

"Tamaki, do tell me it isn't so. I've heard that you're raising an imp that doesn't have a proper pedigree." A girl commented softly as she slowly swirled her steaming tea. She was a young lady often classified as classy in modern society, a beauty with auburn hair reaching just past her shoulders. Her long lashes fluttered open, revealing an abyss of molten steel. Her uniform was the same as the other girls, the dress being of the Victorian era with puffy sleeves and a red ribbon tied neatly around the starch white neckline. The dress itself was a mustang yellow which clung to her lush curves a bit too tight.

"Yes, a real mongrel, and pretty hopeless to be honest. But I couldn't let this poor imp fend for itself now, could I?" Tamakiraised his shoulders in a shrug, stretching luxuriously on the occupied divan. Despite well into the idle chatter, he couldn't help but to occasionally look up to catch a glimpse of a certain brunette.

"Well, that's mighty big of you, m'lord." She smiled, bobbing her head as if his word was the law.

"Ah, and the imp is back from shopping. Find anything?" Tamaki asked as the teen with the old-fashioned spectacles drew near. "And you haven't brought yourself new clothes," he pouted, eyeing Harry's disheveled attire with blatant disapproval.

_'Imp?'_ "Now I really don't need to answer that," Harry retorted, placing the paper grocery bag down on the exquisite coffee table. The bag was full to the brim of items he was sent out to fetch as par his duties as the club's dog or rather, their newest errand boy.

"Eh, what's this?" Tamaki questioned after swiping the first thing his hand came to contact with—a small, plastic container the shade of russet labeled as "Extra Rich: Special Blend".

"Coffee. It was on your list."

"But ground coffee? And what a strange brand."

"Not ground. Instant."

"Instant...," he murmured, mouthing the word as if he wasn't sure it agreed with his palate. Then, his eyes widened to the size of saucers and he snapped his fingers. "Whoa! The one you just pour hot water in? How terribly proletarian!" Instantly, the entire hosts and club members gathered 'round his divan to discuss the bombshell. The blonde stood up, holding the container for all to see.

"I've heard of it, but never seen it." Hunny said, stroking an invisible beard on his face. He stared at the container, and made a face. "Ick, I hate coffee."

"So it's true! Poor people have no time to grind their beans!" Kaoru gasped.

Hikaru stared in wonder at the small can. "So this is how the common folk cope!"

"Still, it is rather smart of the commoners to deveop such a feat," Tom breathed in awe, cupping the point of his chin in his fingers. "Interesting... so it's true poor people have no time to grind their beans."

"**OKAY! I GET THE POINT! I'LL GO AND GET THE EXPENSIVE STUFF!**" Harry yelled, blushing with embarrassment.

"No, I'll drink this." Tamaki declared, throwing his chest out in pride at the scattered applause that greeted him.

Hikaru grinned and slapped the blonde's back with a good whump. "Whoa, King! You're brave!"

"Well then, let's go brew some up!" Kaoru interjected, throwing an arm around a random girl's shoulder. The said girl promptly fainted.

"Three dollars for three point five ounces? Not so much a great value!" Hunny whispered to Mori. "Hardly worth one cup."

_'Rich kids! Phooey!' _Harry scowled, crossing his arms with a pout._ 'And it's not like instant coffee isn't common. I swear, they're like spoiled bigots!'_

The lady that originally sat by Tamaki chuckled, fanning herself with her hand. She leaned in—it was only for Harry's ears—and murmured, "They're just messing around, you know. That foul commoner-stuff won't suit their taste after all."

Harry froze, staring at her out of the corner of his eye. The lady suddenly beamed at him. "My, don't mind me. I was just talking to myself."

Before Harry could make a retort, Tamaki bounded over and grabbed Harry by his arm. He grinned goofily. "Harry! Make us some of this common folk's coffee, please!" he chirped, gesturing at the swarm of girls giggling over the prospect of being served instant coffee. "Everyone's keen to try it."

Harry smacked his forehead. _'They don't even know how to make their own coffee?'_ "Alright, alright." he sighed resignedly. "No need to push me." He glanced back at the brunette but she seemed to have lost interest at him, looking the other way while crossing her legs in an elegant manner. He looked away.

When Tamaki swaggered away—imagine a man shaking his hips while sending coy, flirtatious looks to the ladies—Harry got the sense that he was stuck in the company of peacocks with Tamaki as their leader. Harry inwardly shuddered, his mind drawing up the disturbing image of the blonde with an outrageous tail fanning out in his trail.

As Harry turned at his heels and followed the excited crowd, he couldn't avoid brushing against Tom. Riddle smirked as Harry quickly stammered out his apologies but before the boy could run off, Tom's hand shot out and tightened around Harry's wrist. Leaning over, he whispered in Harry's ear, "He somehow managed to presuade all of them into trying it... oh, and your debt will be raised if your instant coffee fails to meet their standards."

"**WHAT?!**"

--

After pouring the coffee into expensive teacups, it was finally ready. "I won't be responsible if they don't like it." Harry muttered. "Look, one's already hesitating." He pointed to a girl with cropped raven hair, looking ready to dump the drink in a potted plant.

"_If_ they don't like it?" Tom repeated, tilting his head. He gave a small, almost wolfish grin, looking ready to meet Harry's challenge. He walked over to the girl, and reached out to gently cup her cheek. "My dear, if you're afraid to try it... would you rather drink it from my mouth?" he teased.

"N-no! A c-cup's fine!" she stammered, blushing violently red as her mind produced a dirty fantasy of her and Tom romping in the sheets back in her private estate. Her eyes rolling back into her skull, she passed out from her overheated imaginations, leaving Tom to carry her mug in one hand and his in another. He gave a slight, embarrassed smile as everyone turned to stare at him and the girl laying prone at his feet. "I suppose not one of you would like to try two?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "If you guys don't like it, I'll drink it instead," he offered timidly.

Tom instantly thrusted the cup in Harry's hands.

"And now a toast with instant coffee!" Tamaki raised his mug proudly.

--

"Doesn't it seem wrong for Tamaki to drink such swill? Doesn't it, Miss Anyaokoji?" the auburn's follower whispered to her, staring down fearfully at her steaming cup.

Anyaokoji chuckled softly, sliding her instant coffee to the side. "Well, it's all part of his new project. Though... he may be overdoing it."

--

'**_Second motto of the Ouran Host Club...a good man must be dedicated to extensive research!'_**

"Listen up, folks! Today, we're to investigate the ramen of the common folk" Tamaki announced, holding up a ramen cup still wrapped in plastic. "Each of you will make a different type... except Riddle-san," he added after seeing the man look up with a threatening stare. "I now turn you over to our instructor."

Harry wanted to bang his head against the wall. _'What does this have to do with hosting?'_ He mourned the loss of his freedom. _'Sirius, if you can just see me now.'_

Looking over his shoulder, he felt a twinge of pity for the boy looking helpless in the den of lions. He sighed. _'Well, it's not like I don't have the time to lend a hand.' _He glanced down at the papers in his hands, and grimaced. "I'll help him," he said to Tamaki, sliding his chair from his desk and standing up. The blonde just waved his hand dismissively as he rushed off to do his share of ramen-investigating.

"Hey! Here's one that takes three minutes, and the other takes just four minutes. Like what's the difference?" Kaoru asked, waving the two ramen cups wildly in the air to get Harry's attention.

Harry bit his lip as he surveyed the two. "I'm not sure. It probably takes longer because of the contents."

"Do I throw out the hot water?" Tamaki blinked rapidly as the hot steam wafted up into his eyes. His eyes stung badly, but he couldn't do anything as he was carrying the hot bowl of water in his oven-mitted hands.

Harry stared at him in confusion. "What? Why?"

"Let me see," Tom growled, gritting his teeth in barely veiled annoyance. He snatched the ramen package out of the King's hands and examined the instructions. "No, I don't believe so. It doesn't mention a thing in here."

"The mustard powder stings my eyes. Oww!" Hikaru whined.

"Yup," Hunny agreed as he stood on the table, peering over Hikaru's shoulder. "But I don't think you're suppose to rub your eyes after opening it. Right, Hatter?"

"Uhh, yeah," Harry said slowly. "Hey, Hunny. Why aren't you trying it?"

"Well," Hunny paused, nuzzling his face against his stuffed bunny. "I like sweets better than ramen."

"Hey, Haninozuka!" Tom hissed. "Get down from the table!"

Tamaki gasped in horror, sending the boiling water slushing dangerously close to the brim of the bowl. "Sempai!" he fretted. "You're gonna get injured if you don't come down!"

Mori mumbled quietly, "The seasoning's on the lid."

'_Whoa! He spoke!'_ Harry thought, flabbergasted. Nevermind he had to strain his ears to hear him—he spoke! "Yeah, that can happen. It sticks there while hot water is poured out. You can put the toppings under the noodles at the start." He said, demonstrating just so to the astonished Host members.

'_He's like a housewife,'_ Tom thought adoringly, which was way out of character for him. _'It suits Potter better than the 'woe is me'.'_

"Now, that's skill!" Tamaki exclaimed as he cupped the curve of Harry's cheek before Tom could bat an eyelash. It was a good thing Tamaki remembered to place the water down on the table or else it would be more awkward than it was. "How marvelous, Harry! You're one of a kind! May I physically express how moved I am?"

"Uhh, I appreciate your offer but no thanks." _'Dude, aren't you suppose to be chasing after Haruhi?'_

"What about me? Surely I deserve a kiss for all my hard work." Tom purred, batting away the blonde's hand and thrusting himself between the two.

He cringed at the contact but couldn't help the blush that came with it. "Th-there's n-no n-need," he stuttered.

The second-year raised an eyebrow at the reaction, one that greatly differed from the first. _'Could it be that he's interested in me?'_

"Hey!" Tamaki protested from the sidelines. "You can't-"

"Haruhi," Tom simply uttered, giving a brief, pointed look to the blonde.

Tamaki's face quickly turned white, and he staggered away to his beloved corner reserved for all his depressed sulks. Everyone resisted the urge to sigh as they grew used to the King's dramatized antics. Then Hunny skipped over in wonder, and reached out to pat the blonde's head as one might a puppy. "There, there, Tama-chan. Haru-chan doesn't care."

This only increased the blonde's depression.

A giggle ran past Harry's lips, and he slapped a hand over his mouth as soon as it escaped. Tom cocked his head, smirking at the streak of red running across the boy's face. "Might the rumor of your sexual preference be true then?"

"Hell no," Harry instantly snapped.

Tom sighed almost sadly, "A pity."

"Eh, Kaoru... this doesn't look right." Hikaru drawled, catching their attention. Even Tamaki looked over.

"Yeah, a poorly balanced equation indeed." Kaoru scanned the pair with disapproving eyes primarily aimed at Harry. "It's a well known fact that women are attracted to good-looking gay guys, and a tension between friendship and love can work, but-" _'Your turn, Hikaru.'_

"-It takes a pair of twins to crank that sort of things up to the maximum level," the older twin continued. "Take us for example." _'Yours, Kaoru.' _

"-But then-"

"-It's-"

"-Impossible-"

"-For-"

"-You." They both finished on the same sentence.

"Shut up, please," Harry moaned, massaging his temples. "You've already shot my self-esteem down to the floor. What more do you want?"

"So we're back to the problem of appearance," Tamaki said, scratching the back of his head. He squinted at Harry's form from far away. "Your scrawny height doesn't do much to help you unless you're like Hunny and plus, what's up with your clothes? Awful!"

Tom frowned. "These glasses visually enlarge your eyes, don't they? Let's see-" he broke off when he gently lifted off the glasses. He stared down at the grimy, beaten-down spectacles, pursing his lips as he studied the pathetic excuse of vision aid. "And such old-fashioned glasses! Besides, aren't you able to at least purchase contacts?"

He immediately looked up and gave a start, instantly rendered speechless.

"They were my dad's." Harry mentioned casually. "It's very old, and I didn't have enough money or time to purchase a new one, or even enough time to fix it! I had to use at least _something_ to connect it, hence the duct tape you've been staring at for the past few seconds. At the very least, it stayed attached. Also, I had contacts but I lost one during the admission ceremony, and Sirius stepped on the other. These are only temporary." He didn't notice the wide-eye stares from the Host Club members until too late.

"Hey," he started nervously. "Why are you guys looking at me like tha-"

"-Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki exclaimed, snapping his fingers after running up in a mad stampede and shoving Tom out of the way. The sophmore moved out of the way without protest, still in shock himself.

"Yes, sir!" they yelled, suddenly armed with scissors, mirrors, and a long, pink cloth.

"You know what to do. Either you do the deed or call my personal hairstylist!" Tamaki spun on his heels to find Tom already placing a call with his sleek cell phone. "Riddle, good job. I see you've rung up the school tailor. Now Mori, I would like you to fetch your disposable contacts."

Mori nodded slowly, his long legs already propelling him across the music room.

"And me, Tama-chan?" Hunny asked, his cheeks flushed with excitement. What would Tama-chan ask him to do? Ooh, he was excited!

"Hunny... _EAT THIS CAKE_!" He whipped out a cake seemly out of nowhere and presented the pastery to the junior with gaudy flourish.

Hunny stared blankly at the proffered plate, his lips quivering and enthusiasm deflating. He whimpered as he chewed his treat mindlessly in disappointment. "Right... that I can do."

"Wait, hold it!" Harry yelled as he was dragged kicking and screaming by the Hitachin brothers to another set of double doors leading to an empty classroom. "Just what do you think you're-"

Tamaki immediately ran up to the trio, slapping a hand over Harry's mouth to silence him. "I'll follow you guys in case you need my help," he hurriedly answered from their questioning looks. Harry glared at him icily and bit the offending hand. "YE-OWCH!"

--

"So here's the uniform," Tom said nonchalantly, throwing the load at the blonde's lap. "I believe a 'thank you' is in order."

Tamaki stood up pin-straight, startled when the clothes landed on him. He was sitting by the doors, his long legs tucked under him as he waited for their newest member to come forth. Hey, it wasn't his fault when the trio of freshmen threw him out on the basis that he was useless. Technically, the blonde couldn't fault them since he really had nothing to do besides holding their victim down as the twins went at Harry's unruly tangle of hair.

"And the contacts," Mori panted raggedly, skidding to a halt at his underclassman's trail. "I'm sorry. I could only find Riddle's spare contacts. I left my case back at the dojo."

Tamaki pursed his lips as he peered down at the white casing that held the contacts. "Huhn, well... no worries. So Riddle-san, do you have either the gemstone green or jade green contacts of the enhancement tint variety? They would look good with Harry-kun's eyes."

Tom tilted his head and a small smile graced his lips. "Why, I believe so. Why don't you look in the case yourself?" he suggested. "You know I always carry more than I need at hand."

Mori grunted suddenly, drawing the two's attention. "I think," he started with a gruff voice, "they're done with his haircut." As soon as the words came flying out of his mouth, the twins slammed both the doors open with a deafening boom, of which unfortunately slammed into Tamaki's face and sent him again spawled on the floor.

"I present to you, the new Harry Potter!" they chorused, holding the slightly peeved Harry in between them.

"Hey guys," he polietly greeted. He looked down. "Err, Tamaki? What are you doing... molesting the floor?"

The blonde pushed himself off the marble tiling in a sinuous motion and he sat on his haunches, cocking his head like a curious bird as he stared at Harry's makeover. "Superb, superb. Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say our imp was one of us."

The boy shifted awkwardly on his feet as they evaulated his newly trimmed hair, hair stylishly cut so that it barely reached his shoulders. Somehow, much to the freshman's delight, the Hitachin twins managed to straighten his forest of tangles but since his hair was naturally curly, the black strands curled a little at the ends, framing his pointed jaw and the slope of his neck. Without the glasses that originally concealed the boy's eyes, the twin emerald gems was now visible underneath the black fringe of his bangs, peering out shyly at them.

Kaoru shrugged, peering down at his manicured nails. "No need to thank us, m'lord. We did all we could... which was rather hopeless. However, I recommend that he brush daily and in the mornings before school, he should probably use our hairspray and conditioner in the meantime." He slanted a bored look at Harry's new hair. "Unless you want your hair to go back to that awful state, I suggest you follow my instructions."

"Hey errand boy, do you brush your hair in the morning?" Hikaru questioned, poking Harry right in the middle of his forehead. "Because it nearly took us an hour just to comb it!"

"Of course I do, but my hair just naturally tangles I guess." He pawed at a curled strand, straightening it out again. Sadly enough, the twins saw his thunderbolt scar.

"Can you buy these list of items yourself or shall I lend you ours?" Kaoru asked, slipping Harry a small, white note. He narrowed his eyes as Harry parted his bangs, and he immediately went at it so that it covered the scar as par Harry's earlier request when they were styling his hair.

"Yeah, I think-holy bleeping Merlin! Hairspray costs sixty dollars?!"

"Nevermind," Hikaru sighed, slapping a hand over his forehead. "He'll use ours. Kaoru, tell our maid to prepare the list of items. Also, as for the conditioner, I really think he should use the one infused with natural oils."

"Yeah, I agree. What do you think? Jojoba or rosemary?"

"Whichever has the best results for black hair, I guess. Honestly, Harry... that was the most inexpensive hairspray we know and use. You can't even buy that? Wow, you poor man."

Tamaki hugged Harry before he could make a comeback. "Now change. Let me-"

"Hey! Let go, you pervert! I don't need any help!"

"Pervert...," Tamaki repeated in a stunned whisper, standing slack-jawed in Harry's prescence. He sniffled pitifully at the rejection, and went back to his corner with his tail between his legs, whipped.

"Tom," Harry protested, not paying a shred of attention to the pitiful "It" Host sitting numbly at the side. "I mean it, I can change into the clothes myself!"

"Right... and I'm actually a famous actor portraying as Voldemort in _Hogwarts: the Movie_." Tom murmured sarcastically as he dragged the twitching Harry to the nearest changing room.

--

'**_In the meantime, the ramen research continues...'_**

"Tom, I've finished dressing up in these clothes." Harry said softly as he pulled open the yellow linen curtains. He had shoved Tom out of the changing room before his sweater was taken off. "Umm, this uniform... it's... is it really mine?" he asked, anxiously tugging on the starch white collar of his new uniform. "If you don't mind, I'd really like to keep this. Everyone's been making fun of me for standing out and not wearing the school uniform, so could I possibly?"

Tom gasped as well as the other inhabitants when he stepped out. Gone was the poor, nerdy visage. What stood before them was a boy that looked like he could fit in with any of the wealthy students. With his new contacts, Harry's emerald eyes shone brilliantly, twinkling in sly mischief that never made it past the original murky depths. Donning on the school uniform, his blazer the shade of the clearest blue sky hugged his lithe body at all the right angles, showing off the surprisingly fit body of his. His cargo pants were long discarded in stead of long, elegantly cut slacks that reached just his ankles, and his sneakers were traded for black, polished loafers.

As soon as the Host members collected their jaws from the floor, they launched themselves at him, minus Tom and Mori. "Hey, cut it out with the cooing!" The hosts started patting his hair and his almost non-existent muscles.

"Wonderful!" Hikaru cried, hugging him tightly much to Harry's distaste.

"A masterpiece!" Kaoru declared, clapping his hands. He actually teared up when Harry came out of the changing room.

Hunny ran his hands over Harry's arms. "You look so cool, Hatter!" he announced, jumping up and down.

Tamaki squealed excitedly, "KEEYOOT! Now, give your Papa a twirl!"

"You look... handsome." Mori said, giving an absent, approving nod.

Tom's lips curved up in a smile as he studied the freshman's sudden, bashful demeanor. The boy truly reminded him of the imp in the fairytales his mother read to him when he was little. An imp with endearing evergreen eyes and a whift of innocence. "Yes, you look nice, Potter." He said softly and his imp looked up, beaming at his compliment.

Did he ever mention he went both ways, and had an interest in the boy?

The sophmore shook his head as he slid out his clipboard and looked down at the numbers. He chuckled, "Oh, and you owe us three thousand plus ten thousand dollars for the uniform and contacts."

"WHAT?!"

* * *

**(1)**- "Oshin" is a Japanese serialized morning television drama aired in Japan. Oshin, the heroine, serves as a symbolic figure, showing that a person should never give up even in the most trying times. Apparently, she was loved not only by the Japanese people, but also by people from countries all over the world.

**(2)****- **If you combine Harry and Potter together, you get Hatter! You just take out the "rry" in Harry and "Po" in Potter to get it. Well, it was either Hatter or Terry. Terry is "Te" in Potter and "rry" in Harry.

**(3)**- Yup, you should know I suck at describing the characters, which I should do more often. I'm trying to make it sound decent though.

**(4)-** The Bun-Bun... yeah, it's the pink stuffed bunny Hunny lugs around. Also, he calls his Bun-Bun "Usa-chan" so there's really no difference when he switches between the two. Also, "Tama-chan" is Tamaki's nickname and "Haru-chan" is his nickname for Haruhi.

**The New and Improved Character Cast** _(Based on my limited knowledge of the American and Japanese highschool system)_**-**

1. Renè Tamaki Richard Grantaine- **Second year, Sophomore, Class A, 17 years old**

2. Harry James Potter- **First year, Freshman,** _(newly appointed)_** Class A**_**, **_**16 years old**

3. Tom Marvolo Riddle- **Second year, Sophomore, Class A_, _17 years old**

4 & 5. Kaoru Hitachin & Hikaru Hitachin- **First years, Freshmen, Class A, 16 years old**

6. Takashi Morinozuka- **Third year, Junior, Class A, 18 years old**

7. Hunny Haninozuka- **Third year, Junior, Class A, 18 years old**

8. Haruhi Fujioka- **Second year, Sophmore, Class A **_(Tamaki's attempts to court her rose her up a class)**,**_** 17 years old**

9. Kyoya Ohtori- **Second year, Sophmore, Class A, 17 years old**

10. Draco Malfoy- **First year, ****Freshman,** Hogwarts, 16 years old

11. Ayanokoji**- Fourth year, Senior, Class A **(_I hate her so much)**,**_** 19 years old **

12. Sirius Black- **Harry's Godfather, on the run from cops and loan sharks** _(poor guy)_** so he moved to Japan** _(guess why this is important to the plot)_

_--_

_**TA Fansite**--~ __http://trivialaffections(dot)net(dot)webs(dot)com/_


	3. Capture the Culprit!

(A/N)-Thanks for those many reviews on the last few chapters! And thank you DarkCrimsonFlame3 and The Plot Bunny Whisperer (Phee) for helping point out my mistakes and how to improve them. _–smiles-_ Please review, and just don't email or pm me the votes. It's very sad to see you ignore that little, tiny box with that button. Wow. This chapter is longer than usual.

--X--

**Foxy_-_**Kyoya will show up soon... you'll see. Sirius is Harry's Godfather, and he landed in a rut. –coughPoliceChasecough- Sirius is going to be a_ little_ different in this story. Remus will also be in the story... once I figure out when it would be best to incorporate him into this.

**Lid-** _-smirks-_ You'll find out soon.

**Damien-** Sure, here ya go! _-grins-_ Your vote has been considered!

**Fwaaaah?!-** Thank you for your opinion, but I don't see the point. Even if it's a crossover, Harry can still be paired up with an original character from Harry Potter. Like, there's this story with a crossover between mangas: "FAKE" and the "Pet Shop of Horrors", but the original canon characters were inputed. But I see where you're going and you just have to wait to see.

–-X--

**10/20/09- THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SEVERELY RE-EDITED BY ME. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!** _-dons PotO mask and cloak-_

–-X--

_**Votes for the Pairing of Harry (Votes sent through email or pm will work as well) And if You Vote, Please Also Tell Me Why You Want That Pairing. This will Continue Until Chapter Six.**_

Tom- 5 _(I only think he's the best type to be jealous, and I need jealously to get to Harry's heart)_

Kyoya– 6 _(Damn, oh gosh... oh wow)_

Mori- 4 _(...I can work it)_

Hikaru- 1 _(Grah, okay)_

Kaoru- 2 _(It's going to be a bit of a stretch since my Kaoru is a nancy-boy, so would that make Harry the dom?)_

Hunny- 1 _(-facepalms-)_

Draco- 0 _(You serious? I thought Draco/Harry was a popular fandom....)_

* * *

_'Okay, so you don't want to be Miss America, so how about this? Since your birthday is January 20th, Inauguration Day, why don't you be our next pres-"_

_'-Dad?'_

_'Yes, sweetheart?'_

_'...Just go eat your noodles.'_

**~ (The crazy things a bored father strikes up over dinner)**

* * *

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 3

Ecstatic and delirious with joy, Tamaki immediately rushed over to embrace Harry. "Lovely, simply lovely," he crooned. "You could almost be a girl and rival Haruhi's good looks! So cute! Now, let Daddy see your face up close." He cupped the freshman's chin and gently pulled his face towards him. "Yes, that's my boy!"

_'...What the hell?__' _

"Umm... look, guy, err, Mr. Pres. Can you—argh, get lost, you friggin' pervert," Harry hissed, feeling more than slightly uncomfortable at the receiving end of all the riveted stares. He didn't like being the center of attention. Added to that, Tamaki's hot breath didn't help his situation at all. His personal space was getting invaded and just as quick, his patience was running low. "Seriously... you're hurting my neck." Now, our poor, little freshman was expecting the blonde to create a scene, based on his observations of the eccentric blonde, where he hops back to what Harry dubbed the "Corner of Woe". Unfortunately, it didn't go as planned and much to Harry's dismay, the president tightened his hold on Harry's chin and leaned in.

"No," Tamaki mewled, rubbing his face against the now mortified freshman's. "This is your punishment for not warning us about your looks!"

Before the king could continue his slightly comical antics, Tom rolled his eyes and roughly shoved him off to the side. And thus, our very own king fell to the floor in a manner as graceful as dancing elephant. Well, that is, if you count falling to the floor on your butt graceful but nonetheless, the girls cooed over their favorite host.

"Hey, that hurt, Riddle-san! What's the big deal?" Tamaki whined, rubbing at his sore bottom and smiling politely at the ones frantically trying to help him up. He looked up at the face of his commanding vice-president, and his stomach plummeted like a rock at the glower that marked the other's face like an ominous cloud.

"Hands off, you twit," Tom muttered darkly, growling low in his throat. He pulled Harry closer to him until the boy was practically draped against his torso, and his hands unconsciously tightened their grip on the boy's shoulders. He paused, growing silent as an almost thoughtful look crawled over his face. '_Wait... the hell?__ Why am I holding... Potter? Bloody Potter... of all people!__'_ He let loose a heavy sigh as his gaze rested on the head of the foreigner who was trying very hard not to snicker to the king's panicky composure.

Riddle suppressed a vicious snarl, feeling something tight coil below the adam's apple of his throat. Possessiveness became him. Unconsciously, his hands jerked on what he held in a rough spasm, and questioning verdant eyes quickly snapped back to incensed scarlet.

"Tom?"

_'What is wrong with me?'_ Red irises roving up to gaze at the ceiling, Tom recited to the count of three in his mind before scrupulously replying with, "Nothing, Potter. Just forget it." He released his hold on Harry, not even realizing until then that he had grabbed hold of the boy's shoulders without knowledge of prior action. Something was definitely wrong with him.

"You can't just shake me and expect me to-"

"-Don't get all shirty with me, please." He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking more haggard than usual.

Harry just raised an elegant eyebrow, crossing his arms against his chest and giving what the freshman would like to call the haughty "Malfoy-look". Though trying to convey how peeved he was by Tom's lack of apology, the sophomore wanted to laugh at how adorable Harry looked when he was angry. Harry's frustration was endearing in its own own way, like a furious kitten with its tail puffed up.

Tom coughed, hiding a smile behind his fist. "Well then, shall we test you on some customers?"

"Say what? But-"

Tamaki scoffed and cut Harry off, not even bothering to hear the protest. Indigo eyes half-lidded, he fluidly got up to his feet and tore between freshman and sophomore. He announced loudly, "That's our next phrase. We must see what sort of patrons you appeal to." He spun Harry around until they stood chest to chest. "It's all going according to plan! And yes, everything was calculated. I knew from the _start_ you held such striking features."

Everyone stared and thought, _'Liar....'_

The king smirked and quipped, "Here, now is the time for your true worth to be revealed. It's time, Harry-kun, to show off those sizzlin' hot looks!"

"...But I don't know how."

* * *

"Harry, what are your hobbies?" A girl with her hair fashioned into two side buns asked sweetly. She batted her lashes coyly at the seemingly stoic freshman.

_'This is just a test....'_

"I hear you ride a bike to school," another asked with a visible leer distorting her freckled face. "Don't you have a chauffer?"

_'Calm down. It's just a test....'_

This time, a girl with short, sandy blond hair piped, "And your skin... it's so soft and silky! What's your secret?"

The newest recruit of the Host Club's test subjects leaned scandalously closer, their breaths held in anticipation. "Well?"

_'...Argh! SCREW THE TEST!' _

"No chauffer, no secrets. Why, you were expecting something extraordinary? Sorry to disappoint." Harry chuckled, threading his fingers together and reclining back against his chair. Despite his outward show of tranquillity, his inside mentality was anything but calm. Silently seething, he conjured up an image of him strangling the hosts' necks. _'Bah, stupid hosts! Dumping me with your girls after I threw in my two cents. What was I suppose to say? _

_'And I doubt I can go and tell the girls, "Oh golly gee, I'm working on getting my driver license. Oh wha, you thought I was dirt poor and can't afford to pay? Well yeah, I'm still looking for a low-cost driving school like Haruhi. Tch... and why isn't there some sort of a guide published, containing the worldly secrets of hosting? I bet it would be a New York Time's bestseller for blokes who have yet to understand women.'_

The two hair-buns girl chose, at this time, to bring him back to reality when their host drifted off in a dazed stupor. Smirking, she asked innocently, "So why did you join this club?"

"Now that you mention it, I'm not really sure _how_ it happened. It just kinda zoomed by fast." Shifting in his seat, he mirrored her smile as he looked into her expectant eyes. "I'm not proud of it, but I broke a vase. I suppose that counts for something?"

"Oh, you," one of the girls—he didn't know who—laughed in a high-pitched giggle. "Such a joker."

'_Come on, Harry James Potter!'_ He mentally shook himself. _'You can do better then this! What about that promise you made to yourself that you would revolutionize the six hosts, teaching them that looks aren't that- oh boy... and the girls have gone batty. They're carping on some nonsense now. I mean, what's this "yaoi" and "bishie" deal?' _

His three clients huddled together and whispered not so quietly about how Harry seemed to look like someone from a yaoi doujinshi. _'...Some guy called "uke" or whatever.'_ A frown marred his lips as waves of déjà vu washed over him, stirring the cobwebs in his mind. Just where had he heard that word before? He was sure Haruhi mentioned it at one point when they had to share a bed because of poor living expenses.

Pity that he hadn't bothered to listen.

_'Buggers to that, I'll worry about it later. Probably some rockstar or whatever girls are obsessed with now. Like the sparkling vampires series. Anywho, I have more important things to worry about. For instance... what do I do? What do I do? What do I do?!' _He frantically repeated his hysteric mantra in his head. _'What did Blondie suggest before in situations like these? ...Bloody hell, man.'_ Coming close to snapping his fingers out loud as the solution popped into his head, his other hand also nearly came up to smack his forehead.

In his opinion, it was a given that the blonde's advice would be something coherently stupid. _'I remember Tamaki saying, "When things get difficult, gazing up from below can be a defective defuser!"' _

"Excuse me, would you like to have your drink refreshed?" questioned Harry, all the while smiling at the girl to his right warmly. The instant his verdant gaze met hers, a curious streak of red rose to slap both her cheeks, and she quickly averted her eyes elsewhere.

"Yes, please," she mumbled softly, her gaze now directed downwards. Was this the same shy nerd her friends used to make fun of? It couldn't be. If this was the same freshman, why was he so polite and deliciously confident? Although this host seemed no different from the rest—a wallflower at the most—his charm appealed to her more than the rest. It was as if he actually cared to stop and listen to what she wanted, not what he wanted for her. "Uhh, I... thank you."

"Hey, don't sweat it. Pleasure's all mine."

The trio of females sported the same expressions of shock as he scooted his chair back and rose up to serve her. He gave a tiny nod, and a pleased expression spread across his face.

_'Now, if my memory serves me right... the drinks were stored in that portable cart?' _

With his back faced toward them, he said quietly, "I'm sorry, but I think we only have Earl Gray left. I don't know where the twins got their Thai tea so if you wanted that, you're out of luck." He pursed his lips and casted a curious tilt of his head in her direction. "But if it's not your cup of tea, I'm pretty sure they have other beverages stored someplace along here. So... any requests?"

"N-no, Earl Gray is f-f-fine!"

Another girl shakily raised an arm and whimpered, "C-can I also... um.. could I-"

"Why not? Can't stop anyone from wanting something." Harry replied, picking up the two crystal glasses. "So tea?" _'Thank Merlin, it worked. I guess Tamaki isn't such an airhead after all!'_

* * *

Tom whistled under his breath, silently applauding the freshman for his successful results. He stood along with the other hosts, quiet and studious by their president's side since their clients were busy flocking to Harry's. During his sitting, the sophomore had jolted down the names of his clients, hastily scribbled on top of his waiting list to make them quit their whining mewls. That meant tomorrow, they would be the first to spend limited quality time with him. In favor of undergoing his surveillance of the boy, he wasn't about to let a couple of girls distract him.

Even the twins had dismissed their faithful regulars once Kaoru noticed they stopped listening to them, instead choosing to strain their ears and overhear Harry's conversation. To their own entourage, the club's two juniors also bid their goodbyes in favor of observing their seventh host. And being the sentimental host that he was, Tamaki chose to keep with his clients instead of parting ways like the rest of his friends.

However, that hadn't stopped him from trying to sneak a peek in the invisible path Harry dug up with his smooth gait.

"Would you look at that," Tom exclaimed. "They're responding well to the novelty he brings."

Mori nodded and then frowned. "Won't you be happy when our profits increase," he drawled and winced, kicking himself when his underclassman snapped his attention to him. "Riddle, I don't mean offense, but you're merely using the poor boy. You see him nothing more than a tool."

Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed the way Tom instantly stiffened around the shoulders, slowly turning his head to take a glance at the junior standing in the shadows.

_'No... I feel something more than-'_ He quickly squashed the thought down. "Morinozuka, it is none of your business as to what I see him as," Tom hissed, his voice lowering to chilling depths. "If you are recalling memories of what my _brother_ did to you lot, understand I am _nothing_ like him."

Before Mori could comment, Kaoru cut into the scene, jumping on the table and perching on his haunches. He interjected, "Well, fuck me sideways and tell me it isn't cool! I've never expected such manners from him." Of course, he meant their newest member. He rubbed at his jaw, his amber gaze never leaving Harry's table. "You can't even tell he used to be that poor example of a douchebag! Shit, it's amazing."

"This could soooo benefit our club. I mean, look at the crowd he gathered!" Hikaru shouted, dramatically pointing at the girls huddled close next to the freshman. "Milord, I actually think he can carry out that ridiculous deal you sprung on him."

Tamaki gasped sharply, now tearing himself from his own clients and once again trying to peer over the upheld frame of the divan. "Seriously, you don't say?"

"Master Tamaki," Anyaokoji huffed, poking at his arm. "For the last time, pay attention to me!"

* * *

"Oh my, your parent died when you were a babe? How did you survive then? I mean, what about housework or cooking?" A girl dabbed at her eyes, wiping away the tears that came when he briefly recounted his childhood. She silently tucked away the crisp, snow-white handkerchief and prepared herself to face a grim look. To her surprise, he only looked slightly saddened by her bringing up the sensitive topic.

"I do it," Harry informed her, assuring her with another small smile. "I enjoy cooking, really. According to Sirius, my mum was a whiz at cooking and my dad helped around the house when he could. Whenever I take up the housework, it reminds me of them. So even though it kinda hurts to recount their deaths, I can't help but remember the happy times from what my godparents told me. Well technically, it helped him more than me. It makes him remember what it was like being with my parents. All I have left of them are really old pictures. You know the grainy sepia ones? Yeah, my parents were into the old stuff and it's all I have to remember them by. It was fun learning the the chores though. I don't mind. Whenever I accomplish a new task, Sirius gets all hyperactive happy on Remus's arse."

She blinked, tilting her head in maiden confusion. "Remus?"

"Yeah," he said, beaming. "He's my other godfather."

The girls stared at him oddly for a moment but before he could ask, they shouted an incredulous, "WHAT?!"

"You have two godfathers?"

"You mean... they're both guys, and they proposed to each other?"

"No, I think he means two _seperate_ godfathers. You know, two guys not into all that hush hush?"

"No way, they have to be gay! What's up with having _two_ godfathers then? You don't just have two men as such an important role in your child's life."

"So they have to be gay!"

"So not!"

Immediately rushing over to his table, the few regulars still lurking around the music room in hopes of being called back clasped their hands together in utter fangirl joy. "Omigosh, homosexual love!"

"Aww, I wonder if their love was like Kaoru and Hikaru. Forbidden romance between two guys! Now, that would be totally cool!" two girls sighed almost wistfully, holding on to each other.

"Ugh, get it through your horny heads, you crazed fangirls! Harry probably didn't mean it that way!"

"How romantically dreamy!"

Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the catfight. _'Girls... I'll never understand them. They're like way out of my league. I bet not even Haruhi can top them when she goes ape-shit crazy sometimes.'_ An impatient tug jostled him from his thoughts and blinking, he met the inquiring gazes of his clients with an amused smirk quirking up the corner of his lips. Well, if it's answers they want, he's gladly stir them up.

"Yup, two homosexual blokes, and a hot and steamy one-night stand that led to something else," he stated in a bored drawl, trying hard to keep a straight face at the livid shrieks (and if he wasn't mistaken, some jubilant swoons) that assaulted his ears. The shrieks instantly quieted when he made to speak. This time, in a soft voice, he whispered, "I know this bothers some of you, but I honestly don't care. They love it when I get something right, and that's all that matters to me. I love those times very much. They always told me how I had my mother's eyes... and my father's untidy black hair." He laughed shortly, choking through his treatment of the ladies and his painful past, juggling the two and not letting his thoughts show.

His sharp gaze softened as if recounting a fond memory and the surrounding girls flocked closer, drawn by his sensitive nature. Something about his demeanor sparked their sympathy, envoking their dormant, motherly compassion.

"Having you lot around isn't all too bad. I don't feel as sad as I would've been a while back. Your girls are terrific listening me ramble on back stupid things."

The girls practically melted right then and now. He complimented them! Cooing and patting his arm, they gathered around him like a pack of hungry lions to prey. While the girls settled into a comfortable position, scooting their chairs back and fluffing up their cushy seats, he tallied the number of clients in his head and found himself incredibly giddy. _'Well, whaddya know? In your face, Blondie! Sirius, I hope I made you proud. See, fifteen clients right off the bat. _

_'But... I really wished you were here with me. I miss you guys.'_

"Hah hah, I know. Enough about me. So what about my two homo god-daddies? Well, whenever I impressed Sirius, it kinda pissed Remus off. I swear, you could've seen steam blow out of his ears. His face would redden and he would give that nasty growl of his. I mean, would you want your lover clinging to you, gushing over what your wittle, grown-up godson did everyday? I wouldn't. So whenever Sirius got into one of those moods, Remus would tell him that he's sleeping on the couch. So yeah, Sirius was whipped badly," Harry said and grinned brightly, his sadness a mere memory as compared to his sudden optimism. "Figuratively, of course. Anyways, don't you think it's a time well spent?"

* * *

"A... a natural?" Tamaki stared at the scene with comically wide eyes, his mouth hanging open hazardously.

"Sure thing, sire. He's a natural _player_," Hikaru snickered, a sardonic leer curving up his lips mockingly. "Well, aren't you proud we created a monster?"

"It must be his natural innocence that's so refreshing to them. We don't have many polite characters, and the way he interacts with the females as if they were his friends... remarkable!"

"M-may we see you t-tomorrow," the girls stammered, their faces flushed with joy. "Harry, we like you! We think you're _way _cooler than the Hitachin twins!"

"Hey," came the twins' outraged cry. "We heard that!"

Harry laughed, flipping a finger at the two pouting redheads. "I'm sorry, old men. I think I just took your ladies." He turned back to the pack of girls giggling in amusement at the spectacle. "Aah, and why not? I look forward to seeing you guys again." he said, aiming another charming smile at the females and disarming all their insecurities they had about him.

"He _is _a natural," Mori mumbled to himself, not caring if anyone overheard. Seeing Hunny nod, he continued, "No display of affections; he's just... himself."

"Honestly, Master Tamaki," Anyaokoji sighed impatiently, snapping her fan shut with a loud crack. Once again huffing dramatically, she bit out, "Have you no time for your own guests now?"

Tamaki swiveled his head around in surprise as if seeing her for the first time, and he gave her a sheepish smile. "Sorry, princess," he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "I was just concerned about Harry, you know, the new kid.

Anyaokoji forced a smile to her lips, concealing her obvious disgust at the mention of his name. "Why, you've certainly taken quite an interest in him," she said stiffly, gritting her teeth in an attempt to control her voice.

The oblivious blonde being the only exception, the members of the Host Club pinned her with their black gazes, each feeling nothing but contempt for the senior; scarlet, amber, caramel, and grey glares glowered at her, revolted that there could ever be a female like her_. _Ever since she strolled past the doors and flew into their king's arms, they had been slighty put off at the way she instantly clung to him, whining about not having been paid enough attention. Did she think she owned him? Did she not see she already had more special privileges than needed?

There was an unspoken rule stating each and everyone of the clients, no matter the gender, all have to make an appointment with their designated host before arrival. You cannot simply stroll in and expect to be served (unless, of course, it was your first visit to the club). Rather, if you haven't set a time, then you are automatically placed on the waiting list to be called on on a further date. This rule had been put into effect by none other than the club's vice-president due to crowd control.

However, even that rule didn't apply to her much to the chagrin of her colleagues. She even got a chance to grope the club's number one draw and to this day, hasn't given up her persist chase. They wouldn't put it past themselves to expect Anyaokoji to make the life of anyone that put a move onto her beloved sophomore a living hell. It was rumored that she once drove a girl to the brink of complementing suicide one time when the said girl diverted the blonde's attention away from her for a few minutes in a sitting.

_'The nerve of her!'_ they growled with a want to wrangle the brunette's neck. _'You're putting our new host through this, too?'_

Tamaki continued chuckling, oblivious to the hosts' distaste. "Harry-kun's an interesting guy, alright. By the way, would you like to try our new specialty: proletarian ramen? I heard it's one of those popular 'dagashi' things, a traditional snack found everywhere in Asia's peasant markets. It's pretty darn tasty!"

She blinked. "You actually tried it?"

"Yes, and I'm already hooked on these little snacks," he laughed, a lopsided grin stretching past his lips. "Now princess, don't give me that look. Hey, you won't know until you try it. They're not bad, really. It's so unhealthy, it's addicting! Dagashi could be deemed restaurant quality if they simply enriched the contents with produce fresh from the market. Oh, and Riddle-san!" The blonde clapped his hands together upon a revelation, turning his indigo eyes to the murderous face of his vice-president.

Heaving an aggravated groan, the red-eyed sophomore turned to gaze cantankerously at the blonde practically oozing with giddiness, himself finding the president's cheery mood nauseating to the stomach. He grumbled crossly, "What?"

"Don't you think it would be a swell idea if Harry got to know our customers? Especially mine! This way, he could bond with the girls!"

"The bond that you speak of... you are aware he is an inexperienced host? Creating a bond at his current level is slightly unsettling, and I predict unforeseen consequences to both parties of your suggestion. Not to mention Potter is doing his best at wooing the test subjects we sent over, and I do not believe any of our clients is willing to piffle away their allotted time with their ideal host just to catch a glimpse of our natural."

Tamaki looked crestfallen upon response, jutting out his lower lip in a childish pout. "Riddle-saaaaaaaan," he whined, pawing at the hem of the Englishman's blazer. "Please! It's only for a little bit."

"Hands... off, you big baby," Tom hissed, scowling warningly and to no avail, ineffectually tried to pry the blonde's grabby fingers from his person. "Two words, Suoh: personal... space!" Seeing as the blonde wasn't about to budge anytime soon and instead, looked content burrowing his face against the vice-president's stomach, Tom took a drastic turn. _'Desperate times calls for desperate measures,'_ he mused briefly and nearly had a heartattack when Tamaki snuggled closer. In the background, their abundant closet-yaoi fangirls squealed at the free fanservice, each whipping out their portable digital cameras to flash away.

Numb and dry in the mouth, Harry stared at the scene, dumbfounded. Had he not recognized the two individuals, he would've wondered how the girls had their cameras at hand when they were to be confiscated, not allowed in the campus save the Broadcast and Journalism/ Yearbook classes. "Don't tell me all the members are gay," he murmured softly to himself, recalling the moment when the six hosts were all keen on figuring out his sexual preference. "It makes a lot of sense though."

Taking deep breaths and calming his frazzled nerves—Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. did _not_ have panic-attack—he pinned the blonde with his coldest, most chilling glare he had ever mustered up upon his arrival at Ouran. The blond target promptly gulped, feeling the air around him drop thirty degrees lower. "Why Suoh," he purred huskily, reaching a finger to cup the blonde's chin. Girlish squeals ensued at the spectacle. "As much as I'd like to reciprocate to your desires and indulge your debauchery...."

"Oh my gosh," Harry's first client whispered to him. "Riddle's gonna confess! First-rate and live-action!"

The freshman simply rolled his eyes and plugged his ears to muffle out the fangirls' highly anticipated confession. "Fancy that," he replied dryly. "They'd make a great couple." _'I could just see them promoting their S&M relationship around the campus in some hyped-up parade.'_

Choked gurgles coming from the back of Tamaki's throat resonated quietly as Tom leaned in tauntingly and suddenly paused in movement—his lips hovering inches above the president's. Tamaki questioned weakly, "R-Riddle-san?"

"It seems we have an audience," he commented, pulling away from the loose stranglehold and flashing the other a half-hearted smirk. "Besides, Tamaki," he trailed, putting empasis on the blonde's first name—a rarity in itself. Sighing and throwing out his hands in an exaggerated exasperation, he waltzed away from the blonde who had his jaw dropped in a gaping hole. "What should stay behind closed doors should stay that way. Besides, _whatever_ will the _girls_ think if we shagged in _front_ of our esteemed guests?"

The girls gave cries of disappointment.

"Y-y-you-"

"And not to mention with your precious Haruhi thrown into the equation. Now, what do you think would happen if we continued this forbidden liasion behind your lover's back?"

"No way," one of Tamaki's patrons gasped. "Tamaki's taken already?"

The girl sitting next to her whispered, "Nuh-uh. We can still get him away before Haruhi makes an advance!"

"But upperclassman Riddle just said-"

"-He's just teasing the poor man! I mean, I wouldn't mind if it was him that stole our Tamaki away, but Haruhi? Ugh, too guy and not enough girl. She's so weird!"

"Well, I suppose this would be a drawback to each and everyone of our faithful ladies," Tamaki released his tired sigh, combing his fingers through his golden tresses. "After all, we made a promise to our princesses through better or worse, through sickness and health, forever may we be together until graduation do us part."

Tom inclined his head in a brief nod at the president's words. "And this includes unnecessary relationships."

"But Haruhi-"

"-Is not to be pursued without acquiescence," he interjected, his coldness causing the blonde to flinch. "The chairman... votre père n'a pas donné son consentement pour vous à activement chassent après elle."

"Of course," Tamaki replied sadly, casting his gaze downward at the linoleum. He stared at his warped reflection mirrored back in a perfect photocopy on the gleaming, carnation pink tiles. "Et ceci inclut chacun autrement. Maintenant, pouvez-vous demander à Harry-kun de venir ici?"

A girl with locks of flaming red whispered, "What are they saying? I can't hear!"

Anyaokoji scowled and murmured back, "I don't know; something about the chairman. Wait, why are you even asking me?"

"Because you're closer! You're, like, attached to his hip!"

"I still can't understand a word they're saying."

"What? Why?"

"Alright then," Tom simply sighed, tossing a warning glance at the blonde and his princess before beckoning the freshman over. He sighed at the other's hesitance. "Potter, can you please come over here? Come, come, don't be shy."

"Um, 'kay." Harry bit his lip, slightly inclining his head at his clients in faint penitence for leaving them behind. "Guys, I'm sorry. You wouldn't mind writing your names down and... uhh, possibly ask me to do another sitting for you lot?"

"Sure," they nodded eagerly, bobbing their heads with their painted lips arched into a wide smile. "We'll see you again! Have fun hanging out with your friends."

"They're not my friends," he started but stopped as the ladies hastily scribbled down their names and abruptly fled—no, vanished from sight. _'Weeeeird,'_ he thought briefly, holding the note they had shoved into his hands before taking off. _'Like a Houdini trick or something.'_ The soles of his loafers clicking a small tune off the slick linoleum, he hurriedly turned foot and headed to the waiting hosts.

"Potter, let me introduce you to Tamaki's regular, Miss Anyaokoji." Tom smiled as the freshman padded over to his side, reaching out a hand to ruffle the boy's hair. Harry gave an outraged cry and Tom laughed, hiding a recoiled wince when Anyaokoji's eyes strayed from Tamaki's and hungrily rove over his physique. It gave him the creeps. "If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask her."

_'Well, I can't relate to her fancy standards, but I suppose there's no harm in being friendly.'_ "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Anyaokoji," he said, a shy smile stretched across his lips.

"HOW CUTE!" Tamaki squealed, giving an excited holler before he pounced. "It's another unique expression of yours, Harry-kun! Aww, that embarrassed smile is just too adorable."

"Yahh! Sod off, you bloody git, you-"

"Umm, Master Tamaki...," Anyaokoji trailed, her hand outstretched at the blonde's back. She stared at her idol with a weird expression on her face, the stiff mask she had worn previously slowly melting away.

The Hitachin twins laughed boisterously at the scene, rolling on the floor and clutching their stomachs in agony. "Hee hee, the lord just can't keep his mitts off Harry!"

"Hey, someone," pleaded Harry as he was spun high in the air by Tamaki. "Get this lunatic off me! He's off his rockers! Oi, someone... Mori, help!" Just as quick as the words came flying out of his mouth, he was torn from the King's arms and he suddenly found himself in the junior's.

Mori gave him a soft smile, placing the freshman back on the floor. "Are you alright?"

Harry flushed a hearty red, pulling away from the coarse hands that still gripped his shoulders. "Ye-yeah," he coughed awkwardly behind his fist, then grinned. "Um, hey, thanks."

"Mori, that was a bit too much," Tamaki said slowly, blinking at the empty load his arms carried. "You didn't have to suddenly heave him up like a potato sack."

The junior gave his younger superior a blank look. "He asked for help, so I helped."

"I know that, but did you need to go through such lengths?"

"No comment," Mori drawled, placing a firm pat on Harry's shoulder before walking back over to his cousin.

"Hatter was hefted like a bag of flour," Hunny chirped, clapping his hands gleefully and cheering. Mori simply rolled his eyes at his cousin's comment, but he fondly peered down at the mop of fair hair and smiled. "Wow, Takeshi, I didn't know you were so strong!"

"No, you mean a stack of potatoes," the Hitachin twins said dryly, repeating the blonde's words in hopes of a "commoner's slang faceoff". From the joint Pineapple laptop they shared, the contest was something they came across when boredly browsing the Internet for "cool thing commoners do in their spare time".

Tiny creases formed in the junior's forehead as he tilted his head cutely, directing his attention to the two snickering freshmen. Flatly, he countered, "It doesn't make a difference how Hatter was carried up."

"Alright then, kiddo. Return to daddy's hug," Tamaki sung in a sing-song voice, grinning foolishly and holding his arms out in an inviting nature. He gazed lovingly upon the freshman as if he was seeing his own child, a genetic contraption mistakenly formed as a byproduct of his and Haruhi's one-sided love. Because of his delusional daydreaming, he did not see the redheads cowering from the darkening look the short lolicon sent them, and had he turned his gaze inches to his left, he would've begged Mori to tell Hunny to stop scaring the two freshmen.

Harry stared wearily at the upperclassman before he turned heels to hide behind the nearest person—the closest person being the dark sophomore. "You're no daddy of mine," he replied, poking his head from behind and childishly sticking his tongue out. He knew, in actuality, he could've just told the blonde off by kicking the other in the place Sirius dubbed "where the sun don't shine." However, that would mean finding himself kicked out of the club, being forced to _pay_ for his debt. "Besides, aren't you a little too young to be my father?"

"Well, you're my son from today onwards! Come here now. Your daddy needs some loving!"

"No, ew! Get away! Like what are you... my sugar daddy? Someone, _please_ get the crazy man away from me."

Everyone in the music room laughed. In the joyous moment of time, no one noticed the unwavering cold glare directed at Harry's back.

* * *

"Your finger, Harry... what happened?" Tamaki asked with a worried look in his eyes. "Want daddy to kiss your boo-boo away?"

"Thanks, but there's no need to go to the extreme," he said, warding off the sophomore's advances with his good hand. "Seriously though, no worry. I just had a little kitchen accident." Harry held up his bandaged index finger as if it would stop the King from anymore questions... and any further assaults. He cautiously eyed the other suave sophomore standing by the blonde's side, inspecting the covered-up wound intently faraway.

"Really? Are you okay?" The twins studied the injured finger with utmost scrutiny, squinting their amber gazes. "Like are you really, _really_ sure?"

"I'm fine. Just a banged up finger." _'Like I'd actually tell you I cut my finger on a blade hidden in my Algebra II textbook.'_

* * *

"This is fuckin' harassment," Harry whined, staring sadly at the paperback book that crumbled in his hands._ 'There goes a hundred-thirty down the drain. Argh, this would make the third book I had ruined.' _"And it definitely sucks that I can't apprehend the culprit when I don't even know who the hell did it!"

"Did what?" breathed a velvety voice, cutting into his reverie and startling the freshman out of his self-mourning. Tom quirked an eyebrow as he leaned down to peer at the remains of Harry's pitiful school-issued book. "And what's up with the soggy mess?"

Harry quickly threw the wet paperback novel into the nearest trashcan and dusted off his hands. "Err, it's nothing, Tom. Now, what did you want to go over again? Something about not being a typical guy, and talking more?"

_

* * *

_

"Ow, shite," he cursed, wincing as something small and sharp pierced his porcelain skin, drawing droplets of blood that ran down sparingly along his neck like bloody tears. Slipping the jacket off his shoulders, he held the blazer up and checked the collar for any suspicious signs of tampering. "It has to be something small and thin, but it felt cold to the touch. So maybe something like a sewing needle? I heard the Home Economics class lost one when they went into class today."

It was as he predicted: a sewing needle had been inserted into the folds of his collar. Why anyone would bother going through the painstaking ordeal of inserting a needle into his jacket—it had to be when he left his clothes in the P.E. locker room—was beyond him, but he had a feeling this was the same perpetrator that ruined his school materials.

There were designated changing rooms for each sex, and getting into the other's locker room was near impossible unless you were of the school committee. Girls couldn't get into the guys' changing rooms, and the guys couldn't sneak a peek into the girls' heavy barricaded building. Also, his Physical Education period had been his third class of the day but because of the hosts' different schedule, he had to attend classes two hours prior Period 0. That meant while he was out in the fields, everyone else had Homeroom.

"So this probably crosses out any girls," he murmured to himself, stalking the halls of Ouran High. It was Passing Period, and he had five minutes all to himself before he had to enter his next class (Algebra II, a subject he considered a lot better than Geometry). "So unless I have a female teacher that hate me, it's safe to assume it's probably a guy. Still, how the hell did he figure out my locker combo?"

_

* * *

_

_'This though,'_ Harry thought frantically, racing through the hallway when he overheard his classmates mention the appearance of his briefcase floating in the school fountain. _'Leaves no question about it. I'm the apparent target of some sonofabitch sadist and oh great, my homework is in there, too!' _

He started down the stairs, his hand sliding down the polished banister that led along the winding steps. "If this was the rumored prank I heard the seniors pull on unsuspecting freshmen, I'm reporting this to the board. Harmless pranks is one thing, but harrassment is another." _'Ugh, I better retrieve them before the bell rings. Otherwise, I doubt the teachers will believe me if I told them my case was dumped into the fountain. Just how did they get their hands on it anyways? I thought I kept my eye on it at all times... except P.E., the club activities, and when I stuffed it into my street locker.' _He flinched, jostled out of his thoughts as his shoulder bumped against someone else's. He mumbled a quick, "Excuse me, sorry" as he made to move around the shocking-yellow blur, but a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Why, if it isn't the imp," the girl said, her lipstick-smeared lips upturned in an ugly leer. "Or should I say, the club's dog?"

Familiarity struck a chord in him. "You're... Tamaki's regular?"

"The one and only. Now—Potty, was it?—why are you wandering the halls? Aren't you supposed to be doing your club duties instead of piffling around? Just what will your fellow hosts think of ditching responsibility?"

Harry narrowed his eyes. "It's Potter. Look, just to get one thing clear, Miss, I am _not_ abandoning my club duties, and I should ask you the same thing." _'Shouldn't you be heading over to your next period instead of wasting your time attacking me?'_

"Well lookie here, doggie has a bite. My, my... haven't you shaped up well," she chuckled softly, intentionally brushing shoulder against him. "Master Tamaki's done a terrific job on you. At a glance, you look like one of the high-heeled students. It's just too bad your background doesn't match that image."

He froze. The air around him seemed to lower in temperature—to the point where he felt shivering tingles run up his neck, and the odd sound of breaking glass echoing within the confines of his mind. _'It was you.... __Oh bonkering shit.'_

"I'll see you at the club. Oh, and just a bit of an advice: you better stay the hell away from my Tamaki." She called over her shoulder, smiling and waving before disappearing from sight.

He was finally alone, feeling numb and her scathing words tolling like relentless church bells in his head. Overwhelming tears of frustration welled up in his eyes, pooling in the verdant depths like hot acid threatening to engulf his every being. He swiped a hand at the invisible tears, rubbing his eyes roughly to prevent them from falling. He hated this feeling. Whenever he got angry, whenever he was in the moment of pent-up rage, he always cried. It wasn't that he was a crybaby. Oh, far from it. He didn't know the exact cause of this reaction but he blamed it from the way he was brought up in his wretched childhood, miserable and desolate from love.

But that is a story for another time. Let's concentrate on the present, shall we?

_'What the hell is her problem? What did I ever do to her?'_ Sniffing quietly, he went at the clear droplets that managed to seep their way through his fingers, angrily wiping them away. Crying was a sign of weakness, and the hell he wanted to be seen weak. Not that anyone was there with him watching him cry unless the school's chairman was spying on him through hidden cameras.

He sighed, silent hiccups racking his shoulders in tiny jolts. Growling deep in his throat from frustration, he forced the hiccups down, swallowing the sounds back by clamping his mouth shut. _'Alright, so the culprit isn't some bloke; it's Tamaki's regular... which puts me in a disadvantage already. No one will believe me if I pointed the finger at her since she's his best customer and better yet, a girl. There's no friggin' way anyone would consider my __harasser to be someone of the opposite sex. No girl would sneak into the guys' locker room just to insert a needle into his jacket. But there's one thing I don't get._

_'What is her motive?'_

_

* * *

_

"Finally," he exhaled a relieved sigh, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a bare arm (his jacket had been tossed on the grass and his sleeves rolled up to avoid getting wet). After minutes of searching—time seemed to stretch indefinitely as he waded through the water—he came up with nearly all the missing contents of his emptied case. So far, he had found his papers, his writing materials, his graphing calculator, and two binders drenched and sopping wet. In spite of this, his jubilation was short lived as the only thing he had yet to come up with was his wallet.

...Which meant his lunch money, student identification card, and his pocket photographs were gone. Which also meant not being able to eat at the cafeteria for today, not being able to get in school grounds tomorrow (all entry required student ID at hand, which Harry found incredibly stupid since he couldn't fathom what _moron_ would dare tresspass in school grounds secured 24/7 by highly skilled and armed bodyguards), and the loss of precious memories.

"Boy, do I want to cry again," he chuckled, his voice coming out in awkward trembles as a stab of misery pierced his heart. Shivering at the sheer frigidity upon contact, he now regretted doing whatever he did to evoke the wrath of the brunette senior; it must be something terrible to land him in the school fountain, thrusting his hands through the liquid surface. His warm hands throbbing at the cold treatment, he cursed the temperature and the many ripples obscuring his view.

_'I can't seem to remember mistreating her so. Did I just rub her off the wrong way? Probably not, so maybe something I unintentionally did in the clu-'_

"-Anonymous student, identify yourself," an authoritive voice, practically dripping from a rich baritone, ordered. "Just what do you think you're doing splashing in the school fountain?"

"Holy shi-!"

An towering man stood gazing down at Harry, a small, perturbed frown marring the smooth plane of his handsome, angular face. Silky hair the color of black ink contrasted with the pallor of the man's porcelain skin, his midnight bangs swept to a side and inches from falling into blue-gray irises. In short, the man's striking appearance screamed a highly intelligent and studious individual successful in his academics. Harry also noted the man looked rather young, so a student at most unless he was one of those child prodigies that served as one of the hired teachers.

The male pushed his half-rimmed, prescription glasses up the bridge of his nose, locking verdant irises in a cold, gray stare. "Any student found wandering the school grounds—particularly the _courtyard_—during class without any known consultation from their professors is strictly prohibited. ...By the way, you wouldn't happen to be Potter, Harry?"

It took a while before he realized the man had uttered his name backwards. _'I nearly forgot Japanese customs has people saying others' last names first. It's odd though; I didn't have the chance to tell him my name.'_ "How did you-?"

"You are the second of our only two scholarship students to enroll in our program, not to mention you look drastically different from Miss Fujioka. Also, your popularity has grown in strides since the blond dobe took you under his wing. So unless I'm mistaken, shouldn't you be attending the Host Club as of now?"

_'Shite.'_ "Yeah, I guess so. The H.C. schedule is pretty weird."

"And you're skipping out on your nonacademic activities just to go wading in the fountain. What a nice hobby you must have, playing in the water. Might I recommend the swim meet since you like the water so much?" Momentarily, he fixed Harry with a disapproving stare before looking down to scribble something illegible on his clipboard. "As the student council president, I simply cannot permit this riotous behavior to continue. I'm afraid I must report this to Suoh-kun."

_'And I just ticked off the student council pres... double shite! And uhh, who is __Suoh-kun? Is he part of a higher-up staff? But who the... wait, um, isn't Tamaki's last name Suoh? ...Oh sweet Merlin, fucking shite no! If Kyoya tells him, he'll increase the stupid debt!'_ "But I'm not doing anything wrong," Harry insisted, his eyes catching a gleam reflected off the man's laminated ID concealed halfway in the folds of his lapel. _'His name is Kyoya Ohtori... I have this weird feeling I've heard 'Ohtori' before. Ack, but I seriously don't remember where and when.'_ "Honestly, I'm just trying to retrieve my wallet I carelessly dropped into the fountain."

Though he was well-off in terms of money, he knew better than to be irresponsible with his wealth. And the prospect of this commoner inconsiderately throwing all his pocket change into the waters did not bode well with the school president. Kyoya frowned, and made something rather like a _tsking _sound under his breath. Scrutinizing the wet materials laid neatly on the ground directly adjacent from him, he murmured in that skeptical tone of his, "You keep your wallet with your books? Look, even for you... that's rather foolish and ill thought of."

"Save it, golden boy," he snapped. "Look, can you let this slide just this once? I'm in enough trouble than I am already, and having you here isn't making my life any peachier. I found myself cut on a friggin' switchblade, had a needle inserted through my neck, and my belongings dropped in water."

Kyoya arched a high brow, his writing hand paused in its scribbling. "Self multilation?"

"Do I _look_ like a cutter?"

"Well, no," he admitted. "But looks can be decieving."

"I kid you not, I'm not into that. Look, _Ohtori-san_, if you're not going to do anything except writing away on that clipboard of yours, you can do it somewhere else. Your presence is bothering me enough, and I'm sure my wallet's dissolving and being eaten by microscopic carps to breed mutant koi fish as we speak."

An unexpected smile threatening to make its way up his face, Kyoya immediately slapped a hand over his mouth but it was too late; the damage had been done. Hysteric laughter, muffled from the hand still clamped over his mouth, escaped his lips as he doubled over, tears nearly bursting from the corner of his eyes. The freshman stared at him, looking ridiculously befuddled that it sent him into new peals of hilarity, now slapping his thighs in vain attempt to stem his inner merriment. Never in his entire life could he have imagined the alleged student widely known for his bad-temper would be so hilarious, so spontaneous, so utterly hysterical!

Of course, lack of sleep and Potter's wide, almond eyes that suggested deer-caught-in-the-headlights look might also be another reason for his heightened sensitivity towards any attempts at a joke.

"Pft, there are no, as you put it, 'microscopic carps' in the school fountain, so I wouldn't worry about that," he said, still laughing. Wiping a tear from his eye and his laughter dying down into chuckles as he observed the rumored scholarship student turn his back on him and started blindly plunging his hands through the surface. He mused silently, _'Tamaki really did a good job on revamping his image.'_ The current freshman looked extraordinarily different from when Kyoya happened across Harry's middle school file posted on the school's online directory. He vaguely remembered, in the photograph posted up on the web, the freshman had donned coke-bottle glasses and his hair wasn't as tidy was it was now. Granted, the boy's tresses still was an unruly mess, but it seemed somewhat tamed after the twins went at it.

It was no wonder it took him awhile to discern the freshman's name. The boy_ looked_ like he belonged in the sea of elites, not the scrawny boy that he was. After placing his clipboard down somewhere safe on the grass, far from possibly getting drenched, Kyoya swung his long legs into the murky depths of the fountain, instantly grunting at the coldness of the water coming up to his knees.

"What are you-?"

"Helping," he replied tersely, his hands busy rummaging around for the feel of what he assumed to be something solid and rectangular.

Harry stood there, horror written across his face. "Much as I appreciate the sentiment, it's alright. Thank you, really, but you don't need to help. Err, listen... you'll get wet!" He gestured wildly with his hands as he spoke, all the while giving the tall man a hopeful look.

_'What an interesting response....' _"Don't misunderstand; this is only of my benefit. Besides, I've already started helping you, so why back out now after coercing me into guilt? Besides," his lips upturned in a malevolent smirk. "You now owe me a thirty percent fee for my service."

Harry groaned, "Why you evil, sadistic git. It's like all you rich lot are hell-bent on coercing more money out of me."

"It is but our natural instincts," Kyoya said smoothly. "After all, we were brought up that way."

"I swear one of these days, I should sue you all for embezzlement."

"I look forward to that... of course, should you find a decent, cheap-wage prosecutor. Hey, who's not doing anything now? Don't just stand there gawking and flapping your lips at me; _move it_."

"Sure, sure," Harry snorted, rolling his eyes at the attitude the other exuded. _'Rich kids... always bossing other people around.'_ He tossed a miffed look at the uptight president, but the four-eyes had his back turned to him. Uncomfortable from the swift silence that befell between the two, he bit his lower lip, furrowing his brow and trying to concentrate all his attention on finding his wallet before the other. Fine, let the president do what he wanted. He was doing fine before the other showed up, so why was Kyoya so intent on helping him? He didn't understand how this would benefit the man aside from the finder's fee, but even that was stretching it. "I've already looked left, right, and centre-"

"-Found it."

"...Nevermind then."

* * *

"I'm sorry for my uncouth manners back when we bumped into each other during Passing Period," Anyaokoji said pleasantly, humming as she sipped her tea, cooling and minty fresh. "But you have such a line of bad luck, Harry-kun. Getting cut, having your precious materials damaged, and your case jumping into school property... what's next?"

Silently glowering at the female directly across from him, he forced a mirthless smile to his lips, tongue in cheek to prevent the long string of curses threatening to come out. Drumming his fingers on the polished sheen of the roundtable, he mutely ranted, _'I__t's definitely you! No one else should know all the crap that has been pulled on me and after that little stunt, you must have a motive. Also, it's a higher chance of you being the perp than you spewing shite about overhearing some innocent bystander.'_ Narrowing his eyes, he demanded to know, "Why did you request me?"

Tactfully, she chose to ignore his comment. "Even so, you shouldn't have bothered Master Tamaki in the first place. Because of your selfishness, you've dragged Master Ohtori in as well. After all, it was just a cheap schoolbag. Best you don't misunderstand their interest in you. The reason you have their attention now is because of your unusual background, but there are those who might not see that as harmless and will get upset. Do you understand what I'm trying to imply?"

It was as if a lightbulb had gone off in his head; he finally understood what drove her to commit all those acts for her sophomore. "So all this time... you were... jealous?"

Anyaokoji stared at the intelligent boy before her in shock. Just then, she hurled the table up into the air, shouting obscenities and shoving him hard against a wall. He gave a shout, his head crashing against the stone-hard material. Harry grimaced, his head swimming from dizzying pain and groaning, he slid down onto the floor like a broken ragdoll. "You vile brute!" Anyaokoji shrieked, grabbing the hand of the girl nearest to her. "How could you! There's no way I'm listening to such a disgusting suggestion!"

"What?! No, I-" Harry managed to cry out, wincing from the aftereffects of the hard impact to his head. "Anyaokoji, please, stop spreading false-"

"-Barbarian!" She screeched, her voice rising in pitch, capturing the attention of the whole room of people, including the Host Club members. She flung herself into Tamaki's arms, sobbing and clutching the lapels of his blazer. "Master Tamaki, how... how, no why would he do such a thing. Someone needs to throw this commoner out before he victimizes anyone else. He's an uncivilized beast! We should-" She stopped, her mind drawing a blank as cold water splashed on her head. She whirled her head, gaping and shaking with rage at the two redheads looking darkly down at her. "Wha-wha?"

"Sorry," Kaoru said mockingly, holding an empty glass in hand.

"We thought you'd appreciate the cool-down, Miss hothead." Hikaru snickered, playing with a glass of his own.

Anyaokoji stormed from her beloved and to the twins to yell, "You-" A rustle of butterflies beating their wings sounded behind her, and she turned to bat away the insects only to stare confused at the numerous assortment of photographs littering the floor before her. In one of the pictures, a still-image of her holding Harry's briefcase by the fountain was taken. No, how can this be? She was sure no one could've seen her! She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. Twin scarlet burned her. She took a step back, her heart thumping hard against her chest as Tom took a step closer and closer and closer. She huddled close to the blonde, clutching at him desperately as if he was able to shield her from the walking menace.

Tom questioned darkly, "Did you take us for blind fools, senior Anyaokoji? It's where your plans fell short. Who wouldn't have noticed your shenanigans?" He chuckled bitterly, nodding in the far off distance as a signal for _him_ to continue the trial of the newest, victimized host. "Didn't you say you wanted a go at her? It's not as if she hasn't done the same to you."

"Dearest brother," he murmured lowly, breaking from the crowd and earning collective gasps as a result. Illumination from the overhead lights reflected off of the laminated surface of his student ID pinned to his chest. "I advise you keep your mouth shut."

_'Ohtori-san?' _Harry thought, stunned into speechlessness. Tamaki paled, looking guarded as Kyoya approached them.

"Master Ohtori?" she asked meekly, her grip tightening on Tamaki's arm.

He looked down, a twisted smile plastered across his face. "Anyaokoji... how could I ever forget such a beautiful face? No, I should rephrase myself. How could I _ever_ forget the _humiliation_ you put me through as direct result from your actions." He stepped closer, his body mere centimeters from her own. "There are no ends or turns in that cunning mind of yours. And yet, for such a smart woman like you, you are ignorant. Thinking there's no way for you to be caught is the mindset, no offense, Harry, of a peasant. But you do know... that we have _all _kinds of pictures of you sulking around," he snarled, an unpleasant feature on his handsome face.

Hunny whimpered as he stared at Anyaokoji with his wide, innocent eyes. "She's scary. I always thought she was like an ogre lady or... a witch!"

Mori cast his eyes downward at the slumped form of their post-energetic host, feeling the hate grow more and more. "You're so pathetic," he mumbled, venom packed in every word.

Tamaki leaned closer, his lips a few millimeters away from the cupid's bow of her quivering lips. "It's too bad," he gave a small, sad smile. "You're a mighty nice-looking princess...."

Anyaokoji blushed feverously, and then beamed. Surely this angel would side with her as he often did in their past sittings. "Ma-master T-Tamaki! That boy-"

The king cut her off, placing the pad of a finger against her lips. "But looks can't just cut it. Disappear, okay? Because you tried to ridicule a member of the Host Club under false accusations, not to mention the multiple violations of Host Club regulations, I hereby declare you banned from henceforth and out."

Anyaokoji stared at the object of her affection, her heart crushed beyond hopes. Her chance—no, her dream was now over. Twin tendrils of tears leaked from her gray eyes. _'I did all those things for you and yet you shun me? I protected you! I... I love you!'_ She opened her mouth but the words—the three words she practiced in front of the mirror so many times during the nights—wouldn't come out. She sniffed. "I...," her shoulders began to shake.

Tamaki frowned, wondering why the hell she hadn't made any move to leave. Didn't she see she was expelled from their services? But... she was obviously crying. His gaze softened. "Come on, princess, get. I know this is too much to bear, but I am very disappointed in you. This wouldn't have happened if you left this route earlier on. Jealously will get you nowhere. As a warning, should I or anyone else see you stepping foot near the Music Room, I shall report you to the chairman for trespassing and see to your ineligiblity to continue your last year at our institution."

She looked up, pained grey irises hardened in hate. She sobbed, "Stop it, you, I... I hate you!" Raising her hand high up in the air, she backed away, slapping him across the face. "Damn you! I love you but you took me for granted. You, you even paid more attention to Haruhi than me. I hate you! And you, stop looking at me with your pitying eyes! I HATE YOU TOO! I HATE YOU ALL!" She cried into her hands as she ran off, cursing everyone to go suffer and fall down the social ladder.

Tamaki lifted a hand to gently finger the stinging pain on the side of his cheek. "Like ouch," he whined, rubbing his cheek. "She sure packs a punch! I was expecting her to scram but did she really have to strike my gorgeous face?"

Harry rolled his eyes._ 'He gets an uppercut to the face and all he could think about is his appearance?' _

Kaoru huffed, "You whining over a silly slap? You're weak, king! Misguided queens like that pop up every now and then, so you better get used to it."

Tom went over to lend a hand to Harry, offering an arm to hold on to, which Harry gracefully took. The sophomore glanced at the pouting Tamaki, of whom was holding a pale hand over his red cheek. Tom sighed as he suddenly knew that _King _was not going to be able to speak now without complaining. _'That wuss.'_ Pointing at Harry, he declared, "And because of your unwillingness to come clean, thereby forcing us to interfere in this fiasco, I'm imposing a penalty."

"Eh?"

"I'm raising your quota to one _thousand_ customers!"

"WHAT?!"

"Harry! Oh my gosh, Harry!" Haruhi broke through the crowd of onlookers and grabbed Harry by the crook of his elbow, tugging him out of Tom's arms and into hers. "Oh, Harry," she sighed as she cradled his head over her chest. "I'm sorry that had to happen to you. Are you alright?"

"Well, it's not everyday you get accused of sexual harrassment by someone gone raving bonkers," Harry said, his voice muffled against her dress as he tried to assure her. "But nope, never been better." He ground that bit out through his teeth as he glared at Tom through a small gap between Haruhi's crossed arms.

Kyoya chuckled, "It'll take you probably till graduation to fill that quota." He pushed his glasses up. "But you know, I bet you'll manage it," he gave Harry one of his best smiles.

'**_The chaos of the Host Club life strikes again...'_**

"Why are you still here?" Tom demanded. "Don't you have a senior to deal with, _little_ brother?"

"I will after I pay my respects to Mr. Potter over here, _dearest_ brother."

Harry gaped, "YOU TWO ARE BROTHERS?"

The Ohtori siblings paused in their squabble, gazing at him in owlish surprise. "You honestly didn't know?"

He blushed feverously while Haruhi looked suspiciously at her two peers. Narrowing her eyes, she tried to figure out what their intentions truly were other than getting on Harry's good side. _'Most likely how to get poor Harry into their beds if my sources were true. I knew Riddle-san was bi, but Kyoya? This... is giving me a headache. Harry, I swear you are more trouble than you're worth.' _She sighed heavily, kneading the bridge of her nose to dissipate the migrane.

'**_And kicks me back to square one.'_**

"Hmm?" The glossy sheen reflected off of a brown leather wallet caught his eye as Tamaki bent down to pick it up. Apparently, he had finally snapped out of his shock. He flipped open the wallet. "What's this? A student ID?"

"Oh, I bet that's mine," Harry piped. "I've been wondering where it went. Kyoya helped me find it but I think it slipped out of my pocket when she pushed me. The picture was taken from my middle school days in London so yeah, I know I look like a dork."

Tamaki's eyes darkened as he scanned the ID printing. "Harry-kun?"

"Yes?"

"...You didn't tell me your last name was 'Fujioka'."

"Hmm, really?" Harry broke away from Haruhi's suffocating embrace and not escaping without any protests as he peered over Tamaki's shoulder on his tippy-toes. Perpendicular to the small polaroid, listed in black Times New Roman font, the full name of the owner's emblazoned on the card belonged to the one and only: Harry James Potter Fujioka. "Yup, that's my ID. It's odd. How come you knew I was a 'Potter' but not a 'Fujioka'?"

Tamaki stared at Harry, dumbfounded, as a pregnant pause loomed over them. Shakily, he lifted a finger to point at the male Fujioka and opening his mouth, a long string of gibberish came soon after. "Ah-wha-you! Fujioka? Wha-but-Harry-san? Nani-demo... but this can't be-urgh-what the hell? Mais-geh-Potter? A Fujioka? Nuu... grah! But, but, but... huh? Uggggh, wha-wha-what the... URRRRRGH? My brain hurts!"

"That aloof doofus," Hikaru murmured, looking at the blonde with sympathetic eyes. He was the fifth to figure out Harry's secret beforehand and no, he didn't cheat! So maybe he had the same few classes with Harry, so what! At least he beat the King at something.... He chuckled. Okay, so maybe he did cheat a bit. Because they had the same classes, it had been as easy as pie to get his hands on the teacher's roll-call sheet. And spotting the foreigner's name, penned in the teacher's neat handwriting and arranged in accordance to last name, was just as simple. _'Oh well, he was always an idiot. Sucks to be him.'_

Kyoya slapped a hand against his forehead. "Idiot, you were always the last one to figure things out." He knew Tamaki was slow, but come on! Surely he couldn't be that much of an idiot. The blonde was the chairman's son for Pete's sake! He had access to student files! He sighed heavily, feeling another migrane coming. Because he had scanned the online directory, he had already known Harry was a 'Fujioka' from the get-go, so he wasn't surprised by this little revealing. He lifted his head to peer at his brother and they shared a small, knowing smile.

"But-but, then why didn't you say anything when we called you by your last name... err, 'Potter'?" Tamaki spluttered.

Harry made a face. "Well, technically... 'Potter' _is_ my last name, passed down from birth, so it wasn't that much of a big deal. 'Fujioka' was just recently legalized by the Japanese government. Plus, Haruhi said you had the flair for dramatics so I figured I had to keep it under wraps if I didn't want all the attention. That and you being a jealous prat. If I had known you would've acted this way from the start, I would've tried harder to keep this from you."

"Harry-kun," he whined. "You should've told me from the beginning!"

"Your own fault for not asking."

"But... if you told me beforehand, then I wouldn't have had injured myself! And- and, I wouldn't have gotten all envious over your sibling relationship!"

Kaoru snorted, "Milord, cut the act. You probably had an instinctual suspicion from the beginning. You could never stay angry at someone of the 'Fujioka' bloodline. But it's weird. I mean, no offense, Harry, but you and Haruhi don't look a thing alike." He pursed his lips, looking back and forth between the Fujiokas. "Wait... 'just recently legalized'? So does that mean you're not actually related by blood or something?"

"Mind your own business," snapped Haruhi. "Are you guys always this nosy?"

"Welcome to my life," Harry deadpanned.

"I thought Hatter was adopted?" Hunny beamed. His cousin, Takeshi, had already notified him of Harry's legal name so he wasn't considered as ignorant as a certain club president. "Tama-chan's nice to everyone related to Haru-chan, especially her weird father."

Mori shook his head slowly as he felt pity for the blonde. He was the second to figure it out. He scolded quietly, "Tamaki, don't leave your mouth hanging open. You'll attract flies."

Meanwhile, the "aloof doofus" continued stuttering and pointing at Harry, then Haruhi, and back again.

Harry sighed as he glanced over at Haruhi's bemused smile. She had been right. Their reactions had totally been hit straight out of the park. He was slightly surprised, though, that most of them already got wind of his _secret_. "Look, I thought it would be better if you guys just thought of me like a regular Joe Shmoe instead of her _brother_ because I don't like being fussed at. And Tamaki, stop clinging to her! She needs some space! ...Good boy. Okay, now back to the topic. I don't care about looks, much, but it seemed better if I allowed you to do whatever you wanted with me." Combing his hair with his fingers, Harry turned, lowered his hand, and grinned at the hosts. "You guys are being very cool about it though, so I guess I should be grateful for that. You guys aren't like Tamaki replicas."

**_'Perhaps this is awakening love?'_**

He snapped his fingers. "Oh, I just remembered! Didn't you say you promised to include Haruhi as one of the Host Club members? Instead of breaking it, shouldn't you keep your promise?"

_'Liar,'_ Tom briefly thought, looking at him with disbelieving eyes. Who knew Harry could be such a cunning little snake? _'This is the first time we've heard about it.'_

"I did? Aah, but... but Haruhi's a girl!" Tamaki stammered, frowning and not noticing Haruhi's darkening stare.

The twins smacked their heads against the palm of their hands. _'Harry didn't even mention it till now and you just cave in? What kind of a king are you?'_

"Aah, aah... aah? I don't know... the Host Club is strictly men's only. Women can't seduce women! They mostly have an inaptitude to do so, so I doubt Haruhi can do much to help our club prosper much." He turned, worried eyes, to look at her fondly. The girls in the background hissed. "Besides, you'd only draw in the male patrons and what if they sexually harrassed you? We'd have no choice to file a lawsuit and it's more trouble than it's worth."

"I'd just report them to the principal," she said. "And who says I don't have the skills to do so? I'll just beat them up!"

"Delicate ladies shouldn't-" He was just knocked out cold by a very, VERY satisfied Haruhi.

Cracking her knuckles and blowing on them, she smiled mockingly down at his still figure. "So who's the one delicate now, huh? By the way, who are _you _to make a sexist comment, you jerk?"

The hosts stared wide-eyed at the violent girl, backing away slowly from the malevolent air emitted around her. If their memories recall, wasn't she one of the sweetest girl ever to be found in her freshman year? What changed? Unbeknownst to them, Kyoya had already slipped back into the crowd, uncomfortable with all the stares pinned at him. He didn't feel at all welcome but rather stifled. The girls should really consider a career in frightening others. "Daaamn, what happened to the nice girl we all used to know?"

"Bahamas. Ring her up."

"Umm, Tom? Can Haruhi-chan work here as well?"

He blinked, wondering why the hell his kōhai was asking him for permission. Then he remembered he had been the one to draw up Harry's contract, so it was natural for the boy to assume he was the one that handled all potential recruits. "I'll... need to weigh the cons and pros first," he started, hesitantly. "Maybe I'll get back to you on it tomorrow?"

"Thanks. After all you've done for me, I really appreciate it. Oh, and I'm not doing this for you lot. I just think it's cute the way girls hassle over me... especially you, Tom." He winked, looking him up and down and whistling appreciatively as if liking what he saw.

Tom's eye twitched. Did Potter just hit on him? He growled, "Cute? What do you mean by-" he broke off, stunned as the freshman blew a sudden raspberry and fled. "Hey, where do you think you're going! I demand you get back here and explain yourself!"

"You can't tell me what to do, you... you... you old man!"

"I'M NOT OLD!"

**_'As for awakening love...is it?'_**

* * *

(A/N)-Yes, I'm done. Yes, I'm done! Whoopee! I'm done with part one, so now I can finally move on! Yay! Well, you finally know Harry's secret! Well, one of his secrets. _–grins-_ I hope you liked this chapter! Oh yeah, would you like to see Haruhi in the Host Club too? If some of you dweebs don't know what a 'kōhai' is, it's just a Japanese term for an underclassman.

Blond dobe, heh. Cookies to those who made a reference to Naruto. As for the French, it's something called "LOOK IT UP!" Babel fish will work just fine (though you might have some translation problems). If you get something along the lines of: father, no consent and including everyone else, Harry-kun over here, then you're fine.


	4. Cosplaying Hosts

www(dot)freewebs(dot)com/trivialaffections

Check out that website, but only replace the parentheses with the instructions in them, before you do that, please?

_(Another fat note)-_ -cries- After rereading the last chapter, I spotted a lot of mistakes. –sniff- Why does this always happen to me?! –sighs- At least, I did a bit better. Thanks Phee, for telling me (especially about the "smancy" part because my dictionary went somewhere, too). I hope you find it! –smiles happily- And guess what, I made a website! How do you like that? It has the pictures of the characters, their profiles, links to the episodes of Ouran High School Host Club (it's under "Extra"), and the re-edited chapters (and a few more pages, I guess). Uhh... if there's a problem with fanfiction, then you can find the new chapter posted there. Still, thanks for the reviews/ comments! I enjoy reading on your opinions on this erm, story.

**_Votes for the Pairing of Harry (Votes sent through email or pm will work as well) And if You Vote, Please Also Tell Me Why You Want That Pairing. This will continue Until Chapter 6_**

Tom- 11

Kyouya– 24 (Holy BBQ! You _few_ people who didn't review the last chapter and sent me emails are... wow! So many people! I'm seriously shocked! Consider me speechless!)

Mori- 16

Hikaru- 3

Kaoru- 2

Hunny- 1

Draco- 1

* * *

--

**Trivial Affections **

Chapter 4

--

**_'December... when hints of holy night tinge the northern winds...' _**

Harry panted as he scampered through the crowd. _'Not again! I lost track of time in the library! I have no idea what they'd do if I was late again. It was bad enough that they posted pictures of me naked, live in the internet as punishment! And that was enough to teach me never to be late again, but darn it, why? Why did this have to happen again?!'_ he thought frantically as he sped through the hallway.

**_'End of the Northern Hallway, top floor of the South Wing...' _**

_'Well, whatever they're going to do again... it's got to be pretty snide and embarrassing. At least I'm prepared for-'_ Harry stopped in the middle of his train of thoughts as he skidded to a stop in front of the Music room where the Host Club resided inside. "Yes," he whispered, delighted that he'd finally arrived. Harry reached out a hand and slammed the ivory, carved door open.

"Welcome," six voices chorused as the temperature suddenly rose higher and white, sparkling sand poured out of the room. It continued flowing down through the tiles as a few grains of sand sprinkled in the air, illuminating and manipulating the color of the light streaming through the colorful windows.

**_'Opening the door, I found a tropical paradise...' _**

Five handsome men stood naught of any clothing except linen loincloths, resembling a more tropic version of a kilt, barely hanging on to their slender hips. Hair accessories such as beads and Aztec gold adorned their hair. Golden armbands glinted in the sun, showing off the sinewy muscles that it clung to. The tall and shadowy one stood with a huge sash cascading down the front and back of his body. The two twins smiled at the stunned-into-speechlessness-Harry while showing off their bare chest beautified with colorful bead necklaces and a similar Aztec-styled necklace, matching the ones decorating their fiery-red hair. The one standing between the twins with crimson eyes leered at Harry as he flaunted off his bare chest, too. At the right stood a little boy with honey-brown hair, beaming at Harry with scarlet flowers strung into a lei.

And in the center sat a tall, pretty boy with a golden mane of hair. He sat there on his golden throne, smiling proudly at Harry as he fanned himself with a Chinese-styled fan. Gold accessories hung from his neck and waist seductively, barely covering his partially nude body. The part that wasn't covered was cloaked with a tight, white robe, almost resembling leather! A thin streak of red curled upwards against the bottom of the pale skin, like a vampire who had just fed. His amethyst eyes twinkled while he got up to walk to the gawking teen. "Aah, Harry... it's a pleasure to-"

Harry kicked Tamaki between the legs. "HOLY MOTHER OF MERLIN! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THAT CRAZY MAN?!"

"Ehh?!" Tamaki yelped as he crumpled to the floor in pain.

Tom sniggered. "Maa, Harry. You've just injured our King." He went over to the twitching teen, and thumped him on the back. "And for that, you owe us another seventy-percentage fee."

_'What? No!' _

"However, since our clients won't come in about thirty minutes, I'll subtract it from the fee. And I doubt Tamaki will be a crippled after that kick. It was far too weak." Tom smirked as he reached out to hand to lend Tamaki some assistance.

"Arigatou, Riddle-san," Tamaki grinned like a fool as he recovered from the attack instantly. "Oi! Kaa-san?"

"Kaa-san?" Everyone asked with confusion marring their devilish, handsome faces. "Who's Kaa-san?"

"You know...," Tamaki hinted. He pointed a finger at Harry. "Harry-san... Kaa-san... get it?"

Harry gaped at him. "Why are you calling me Kaa-san? Wait... doesn't Kaa-san mean "Mom" in Japanese? Oh Merlin, no! Tamaki-kun," his voice rose a pitch higher. "Why are you calling me Mom? I'm too old to be your mom!"

Tamaki frowned. "You're right," he deduced.

Harry let out a sigh of relief.

"You're not fit to be a mom. You're more like... a son!"

"Eh?!"

"No... Haruhi is more like a Kaa-san... and I'm... your Tou-san!" Tamaki concluded dramatically.

"Not this again!"

"What? Haruhi is fit to be a mother!"

""So... you're the dad while Haruhi is the mom... oh Merlin! How twisted can this get?" Harry pinched his temple. "Oh!" Harry blurted. "Can Haruhi join the Host Club?"

Tamaki _accidentally_ banged his head against the marble wall. "Uhh... she... um... maybe...," he mumbled as a crimson blush crept over his pale face. He poked his two index fingers together as he refused to continue on.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Harry," he said softly.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but we can't fit her in."

"But... why? She could help with serving beverages! She could-" Harry broke off as his voice warped into a high-pitched voice of hysterics.

Tom panicked as he could only stare at the trembling boy before him.

Tamaki's fatherly nature immediately took over. He ran to the shaking teen as he shoved Tom over. Tamaki then rubbed Harry's back, and cooed comforting words at him. "There. There. It's alright. It's nothing to get upset about. Harry, how about this? Haruhi can help out around here when she feels like it. Uhh, if she agrees, she can be our waitress and help around when she feels like it. She'll just be here to chaperone things. Is that okay with you?"

The trembling stopped as soon as Harry relaxed. He took a few, deep breaths as he tried to regain his composure. "Yes. That's fine... and I'm okay, Tamaki. You can stop touching me, now." Harry's voice took on a menacing tone as Tamaki continued patting his back.

Tamaki, fearing for his life, drew his hand away as fast as he could. Due to the look Harry was directing towards him, and if looks could kill, he would have been buried six feet under. "Gomen," Tamaki apologized.

"Hatter! Hatter! Are you okay?" Hunny asked, clinging to Harry as if he would disappear the next minute.

"Yeah... are you alright?" The twins each placed a hand on Harry's shoulders, concerned for his wellbeing.

Mori just stared at Harry with a soft glance. He turned away and shoved his hands into his pockets as his mouth refused to cooperate with his mind.

"Maa... it's okay. I'm... fine," he turned away to look in another direction. "Oh yeah," Harry pulled out a mini-pocket calendar out of his pocket. "What's with all this getup? It's mid-December!" he said as he pretended what happened earlier had never occurred.

Tamaki returned to his throne as he stared at Harry with a solemn, yet curious look in his eyes. Suddenly, glimmering pride replaced the expression as he announced, "When it's blistering cold outside, we Host Club members must provide a warm, inviting climate inside! Besides," Tamaki smirked, "Furnaces and humidifiers work wonders! Oh... and the cost of the materials needed here is added to your debt."

"WHAT?!" Harry squeaked, flinging his arms wildly like a deranged ape. By now, he had completely forgotten the incident as his mind was once again filled with the thought of debts.

"Ah-hem. Now before I was rudely interrupted, let me continue with my educating speech."

_'Uh-huh. Sure thing, Mr. Dumb-But-Evil-Egoistic-King!' _

"Anyway, a man should not hide his superb, physique body underneath unflattering layers!" Tamaki proclaimed, hinting on why they're wearing such clothing. "This entire _getup_, as you called it, is to usher the poor little kittens into our embrace of Polynesia in the dead of winter. This room shall be their own private paradise... rather, an oasis with men gifted from birth with handsome features. Could a true gentleman do any less?"

"Uhh... I suppose... not?" Harry shrugged._ 'However, your boastful nature kind of defeats that notion. Honestly! I've never met such bigheaded men like you before!' _

Tamaki suddenly snapped his fingers. "I'd just remembered!" He turned his back to Harry as he started throwing random clothing materials, from his throne, to Harry. "Ah-ha!"

"Huh?"

Tamaki held out another white robe covered with shining necklaces and Aztec-gold armbands. It'd almost resembled Tamaki's _own_ tropic clothing, except it was a dress, and had a crown to top it off. "This is your costume, Harry! See! We match!" Tamaki chirped happily.

Harry snarled, "No thanks!" _'That's too girly! And besides, why should I wear a dress?! Baka Tamaki-kun!' _

Tom stepped into the conversation between _father_ and _son_. He'd just recovered from his stunned silence._ 'I can't believe I froze back there! Out of all things, why was I the one to freeze while Tamaki's the one who tended to Harry?'_ "Harry, as the new student of this prestigious school and the member of the Host Club, I must inform you that this month is when we try to outdo ourselves for the most sublime event. Or rather, also known as the Annual Host Club Christmas Party!" Tom said placidly.

Harry cocked his head. "**(1)** Oro? Christmas Party?"

"Yes, it's a celebration for the coming of Saint Nicholas. I'll allow you to not wear this tropic clothing, but in return, you must participate in the festivity."

"Oh... okay..."

"And you must learn how to do ballroom-dancing."

"WHAT?!" _'I hate dancing! Oh Merlin! He's the shadow king!'_

--

**_'The private Ouran Institute... where lineage is king and money is consort! To sum up, those with wealth... have time on their hands. The Host Club is a place where six such idlers, handsome as the Devil... and a poor scholarship student who owes them... twenty-one thousand dollars, present an unique and elegant form of entertainment.' _**

"Oh, how cruel that this skin, as glistening as the most beautiful jewels glinting in the sunlight... the well-toned muscles it covers, and the outfit that drapes them so well... are abjectly humbled before your inestimable radiance!" Tamaki leaned his face closer to a random girl with her face blooming poppy red.

"Oh, Tamaki...," she sighed in clear pleasure, not bothering to hid her happiness.

"So what goes on at your Christmas parties/" A girl with long, raven-black hair giggled as Kaoru apologized while he was gently wiping his cheek to get rid of the banana cream.

Hikaru stifled his sniggers as he tried to help Kaoru with the cream, and answer the girl's question at the same time. "Well, we rent the Great Hall in the Central Building, and have high-rate food served on platters, ballroom dancing-"

"And we might set up a casino with prizes," Kaoru added after he thanked Hikaru for helping him.

Another giggled, "Sounds like fun..."

"You know it," Hikaru winked. He pulled his younger twin closer to him until they were chest against chest. "Although... I rather spend time with you, Kaoru," he said softly to the half-nude boy staring up wide at him.

"Hikaru," he chided as a blush threatened to take over. "Don't say that out loud. As much as I'd prefer that myself, there's an audience here. Please don't say anything embarrassing like that!"

Hikaru cocked his head. "But Kaoru... you always loved it when I say embarrassing stuff like that to you in bed," he innocently stated.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru shrieked as the blush finally took over his face.

The crowd squealed loudly as they witnessed the scene. "Kya!"

"**(2) **Itai...," Harry winced as his sensitive ears picked up the shrieks of delight. He rubbed his ears as he made his way over to a small, wooden hut filled with cooling beverages. "Why is Kaoru saying that that's embarrassing? Hikaru always says that in front of their customers. And why are the clients getting into the mood more than usual? They're the same old sayings. What's the difference?"

"An interesting question...," a deep, velvety voice, unlike Tom's, chuckled.

Harry jumped in surprise. He whirled around just to see his **(3)** savior from before staring at Harry with an amused look on his face. "Oh, Kyouya-san! How are you today?"

"Fine... same ol', same ol'... I believe that was the famous saying commoners use." Kyouya smiled as he wrapped Harry tenderly in his arms. He ignored the wide-eye stares directed at them as he led the oblivious Harry into another direction. "Now, shall we go back to your questions?"

"Uhh... okay?" Harry raised an eyebrow as he was led away.

"As I've concluded earlier, with a little skin and heat mixed together, you can get a very potent result. One early idea was to dress up as Santas, however, as the President of the Student Council, I cannot allow such a thing to happen. Imagine what would happen if everyone in the Host Club dressed up all red and fat." Kyouya shivered as he recalled that image. "But, then again," he smirked as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "There was that tiny book on the tropics tactfully placed on the coffee table for ready viewing..." Kyouya trailed off, knowing that Harry could figure out what he was hinting at. _'True... I may have had a few... past memories here, and I_ **did** _quit being a Host member, but I'm_** still**_ the second in command here. There is no way Tamaki is going to humiliate me ever again!' _

Harry gawked inwardly at him. _'Oh Merlin! This guy is the club's actual shadow king! He's even worse than Tamaki, or even Tom!'_

--

"Gosh, you're too cute Hunny! It should be a crime to be that adorable!" The crowd of girls squealed as they watched Hunny beam at them.

Hunny giggled, "Aww, shucks. It's nothing. Besides, these flowers from Bali, strung in a lei, will make anyone look cute!" He held up the lei hanging around his neck, blushing in embarrassment. "Pretty, aren't they?" Hunny asked as he glanced down at the floor to hide his red face.

"Kya! Hai, Hunny-sempai! They look _so_ cute on you!" they all agreed, fussing over when Hunny was the cutest at.

Hunny smiled happily before he suddenly frowned.

"Hunny-senpai? What's wrong?" A girl that went by the name: Tsubakin-chan asked.

The little boy ran off to find his other companion, abandoning his clients in a questioning frenzy.

"Eh? Hunny-senpai?"

"Takashi! Takashi! Over here!"

"Oof!" Mori gave a small grunt as Hunny pounced at him. He tried to rebalance himself as he shifted a very small, yet heavy boy in one hand and a pineapple in the other. "Yes?"

Hunny gave his friend a wide smile. He shimmied up Mori's tall body till they were facing eye to eye. He was armed with another lei, this time with lilies instead of the usual red flowers. His innocent face warped into those of a deranged psychological criminal, frightening the usual, stoic man.

Only Hunny and Mori's clients stopped what they were doing only to watch what would happen next. They all held their breaths, waiting for the next scene.

Hunny bit his lower lip in concentration as he carefully placed the flower necklace over Mori's head and onto his neck. The boy then, cheered joyfully as he pumped a fist up in the air. He adjusted his seat on Mori's arm as he swung his legs back and forth. "See!" Hunny proclaimed, "We match!"

The female population shrieked while one swooned.

"Ah!" Hunny cried. "Miss Tsubakin-chan!"

--

Harry had returned to his assigned table, facing the smiling girls. He then, peered over his very own chair to see what the second outburst was about._ 'Hunny? Mori?! Aah... I see. Those two are being quite peculiar, as usual... What is their relationship anyways? They don't seem to be just friends. Perhaps... family, or is it closer? Maybe... lovers?!' _

"Harry!" a girl cried.

"Harry!" another quipped, trying to get his attention.

A girl with blond hair started, "Har-"

"Aiieeeeee!! THE LIGHT! THE LIGHT! OH, THE LIGHT! HELP! TURN IT OFF! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!"

"The heck? What in the name of Merlin?" Harry whipped his head around to face the source of the third outburst. "Who's melting?!" He then, saw a hunched man cloaked in the shadows and a dark robe, cowering before the light bulbs from afar. The figure turned its head to Harry and scurried away back to the door as fast as it can.

"Oh, Harry," the girl with blond hair huffed curtly as she tapped her foot in impatience. "It's just Nekozawa. Don't pay any attention to him."

"Yeah!" Another piped in, "He's just that really weird guy that hates the light and anything bright. He's just another one of those occult people. He believes in this cat-god or whatever. Don't mind him. He looks a bit disturbing and all, but you learn to get used to it. He'll leave you alone most of the time if you shine a flashlight on him."

_'What in the name of Merlin? Flashlight? What is he... allergic to light?!'_ Harry nodded slowly as if he understood what she was saying. "Okay... then...," he drawled. "What was it that you needed from me?"

"Hmm?"

"You called my name. What did you need?"

"Oh! I just wanted to ask you why you didn't wear _your_ tropic outfit. I want to see it! I bet it'll look so good on you!"

Harry mentally scowled as he recalled what Tamaki wanted him to wear. "No thanks. I just didn't want to... excuse the thought of ignoring the fact that it's winter outside. It'll be like I'm trying to shake off this joyous day." He lied, his eyebrow twitching as he pictured the outfit again. _'That outfit was too... feminine! I think Tamaki-senpai was trying to make me a duplicate of Haruhi!' _

The girls sighed. "Aww," they whined. "You'd look so _cute_ in that! Oh well... you're very sensitive to the seasons, eh Harry? We like that in a man."

"Okay...," Harry blinked as he gazed around for even the slightest clue of Kyouya's presence. _'Huh. Where did he go?' _

The youngest girl in the crowd sighed dreamily. "I sure would like it to snow on Christmas," she said, almost sounding wistful. "But it's only a winter dream."

The crowd followed her example. "Yes... we can just picture it. Us... snuggling in the snow..."

Harry stared at them thoughtfully. He then smiled at them as he said, "It's awfully nice that all of you can weave such pleasant dreams around cold, gray days."

A deeper blush stained their cheeks as their hearts fluttered at Harry's words.

--

The other Host Club members, in the meantime, stared at Harry with an incredulous look in their eyes. _'Harry out-cutes everyone!'_ They all thought in union.

"I'd brave a blizzard with you," one of the girls declared to Harry.

Harry frowned. "Let's not, okay? I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

"Oh, Harry! You're so kind!"

Tamaki gaped at his son. _'That natural thing again!' _He mentally squealed in delight as he witnessed the scene._ 'You make **(4)** Papa so proud!'_ He bit into a handkerchief with tears streaming out of his eyes.

--

"Excuse me... it's almost time for your next request, isn't it?" a feminine voice asked adroitly.

Harry blinked as he looked down at the clipboard in surprise. "Oh... Yes, I suppose it is. Umm, and your name is...?" Harry turned to look at the female.

A girl with short, hazel hair smiled at him. Her cat-like eyes twinkled as she gazed intensely back at Harry. "Kanako Kasugazaki, Second year, Class B." The leering girl studied Harry for a moment before her bleak features turned into a seductive look. She leaned her face closer to Harry's and purred, "Why, aren't you a pretty one? I think I'll make you mine..."

* * *

Well, before you ask why Harry acted that way and why Tom panicked, go to my site and there will be the answers to the questions. Ooh! Cliffhanger! Now I know that some people hate cliffhangers, but please bear with it. Well, see you in the next chapter! Kudos to those who correctly guessed who she was. If you've seen episode two of OHSHC or read chapter two of the manga, then you'll know who she is. Kyouya is going to appear more in the future chapter, so please look forward to it.

--X--

**(1)- **Oro means something like "Huh?"

**(2)-** Itai means "Ow!"

**(3)-** Well, Harry considers Kyouya and Tom as his saviors from exposing the lies and bullying Anyaokoji caused him. Well, he considers all of the Host Club members as his saviors, but those two are the most important ones.

**(4)**- Tamaki thinks of Harry as his son and himself as Harry's Papa. Oh yeah! Baka means idiot! Harry thinks of Tamaki as an idiot!

--X--

13. Remus Lupin- **On the run form cops with Sirius, on an unknown location in Japan (with Sirius) **

14. Kanako Kasugazaki- **Second year, Class B **

15. Toru Suzushima- **Second year, Class C **


	5. Surprise Interventions

_(Author Note)- _Well, here's another chapter... and another tie. Well, I'll try to update more frequently now. Please don't ignore that sad, little button that's just waiting for a review. Just one click and a few words, then bing! The button's happy! Just one click, guys! Oh yeah... thank **DarkCrimsonFlame3** for the idea and summary, and **The Plot Bunny Whisperer** for going back to read the mistake-ridden chapters and suggest improvements. -bows Japanese style- Thank you. I also thanks the people who reviewed the last chapter. -does the same thing and then faints- Come on! Review! To those who're just reading this story, you know who you are. Please review!

To **Azinine**: I actually agree with you... but I always have to keep my options open... except when there are ties. That's when it get annoying.

**Votes for the Pairing! Continued Till Chapter 9**

Tom- 18 (...)

Kyouya– 18 (another tie... gee...)

Mori- 9

Hikaru- 4

Kaoru- 2

Hunny- 1

* * *

--

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 5

--

On the very day that a _certain_ Kanako declared that he was hers, Harry James Potter Fujioka, for the first time in his life, rocked himself back and forth on his bed in hysteria. He clutched his jean-clad thighs tightly closed with his trembling white hands as he sighed. _'What a way to start off the day... with some girl having a "tremendous" crush on me.'_ He stared at the walls of his home. Well, technically it was actually the Fujioka's home. "Scary lady... she scares me!" Harry shivered violently as he recounted his memories.

"Who scares you?"

Harry yelped as he toppled down his bed in alarm. "What in the name of Merlin?!"

"Uhh, no... my name's Haruhi, not Merlin."

Harry swiveled his head around till his eyes met face to face against Haruhi's. He blushed as he fidgeted under her curious, yet smirking gaze. "Yeah... I figured that." Abruptly, he gasped in horror. _'Shoot! She heard all that?'_ "Oh, Merlin!"

Haruhi frowned. "I told you the name's Haruhi. Now, tell me," she plopped herself on Harry's comfy bed. "Who's the scary lady that you were mumbling about? Ooh, is it your crush?" Haruhi winked at him.

"No, you baka! Why would I have a crush on someone who I call a scary lady?"

"Oh, I don't know... perhaps because you have a twisted mind?"

Harry twitched. "Haruhi..."

She blinked, "Huh?"

"Have you been reading those ecchi stories on the web again?"

Haruhi gave him a blank look before turning her head away. Her usual pale face reddened abruptly. "That's for me to know, and for you to buzz off!" She huffed as she hopped back unto the bamboo-woven floor. "You know... you still haven't answered my question. Who is she?"

Harry's lips twisted up into a cruel smile. "I'll tell you, if you tell me why you like Tamaki-senpai..."

Haruhi whirled around to face Harry. Her wide, chocolate-colored eyes enlarged even more. She flushed heavily as a deeper color of red invaded her cheeks. "Sh-shut up! I don't like Tamaki! Seriously," Haruhi grimaced, "Why would I like a doofus like him? He's too melodramatic, too idiotic, too sexy-"

Harry leered at her.

Haruhi blushed even darker, now. _'Dammit! Grr... stupid Harry! I can't believe you tricked me! And stop giving me that I-told-you-so look!' _"Look," she growled. "I _may_ like him a _little_ bit, but it'll pass away. Besides, he's not even my type."

He rolled his eyes. "Right... oh! And did I mention that I'm actually a wizard taking over your mortal brother's body," he said in sarcasm.

"Baka!" Haruhi said this out of spite. "I hate you!"

"I know... love you too," Harry grinned cheekily. "Oh! And you wanted to know who scares me, right?"

His sister sighed._ 'Finally!'_ "Yes."

"You know Kanako Kasugazaki, Second year, Class B?"

"Yeah... why?"

Harry wanted to bang his head against the wall. _'Oh my... Merlin!'_ "She's the one who's the bane of my existence!" Harry all but screamed. "She scares the heck out of me! She said that she'll make me hers! It's creepy!"

"Aah... she'll leave you alone after a while."

"... Really?"

"Yeah! Since you're the new member of the club, it's natural for girls to go after you. You're like the new candy added to the bowl of sweets."

"What an interesting analogy... not! Any who..."

"... What now?"

Harry fluttered his long lashes and managed to sneak a few tears out. "The Host members are being such mean bullies! I _need_ some help from my strong, courageous sister. Only you can-"

"No."

"Hey! I didn't even get finish," Harry pouted. _'This is already embarrassing saying this, so hush up!'_ "Like I said, I _need_ some help from my strong, courageous sister. Only you can crush the Host Club, so please chaperone the Host Club!"

_'The heck?' _"No."

"But-"

"No."

"I'll treat you to giant tuna...," Harry offered.

"..."

"Please?"

_'Darn you for knowing my weakness!'_ "Fine..."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"Feh."

--

Tamaki practically leaped with joy the very next day. "Haruhi! Haruhi," he waved enthusiastically at the twitching girl. "I can't thank you enough for agreeing! Allow me to give my gratitude through a kiss," he puckered his lips.

Haruhi stared at him in horror before turning to the opposite direction and running off.

"Wait!" Tamaki ran off after Haruhi. "Don't go! Wait for Tou-san, Kaa-san!"

"No!" Haruhi all but yelled. "Help me! There's a molester after me! Help, Harry!"

Harry chuckled as he witnessed the scene. "Sorry, Haruhi! It's not my problem, so please deal with it yourself. I'm sure you're enjoying this, so I'll leave it to you."

Haruhi turned her head around to look at him. She mumbled, "What a sadist..."

Meanwhile, Tamaki saw his chance to grab his object of affection. He pounced at the distracted Haruhi. "Gotcha," he chirped happily. He nuzzled the side of her face. "Aah, your skin feels so comforting against this aching body. Your beauty outstands the Greek goddess Aphrodite for I cower before your divine magnificence. It's so heartless of you, tormenting me with this agony." Tamaki brushed his lips against the side of her face. He purred, "Oh, the nostalgic feel of my lovely wife's skin!"

Haruhi glared at Harry. "You owe me, big time!"

Harry just gave her another one of his charming smiles.

"Tamaki-san," Haruhi gritted out. "Get off of me! You're... crushing my... ribs!"

The blonde immediately let go of Haruhi and pulled her up along his way up. "Did I damage anything to your splendid body? Oh! I think I felt a cracked rib! Kaoru! Hikaru!"

"Yes, Milord?" The twins appeared out of nowhere and saluted their sire.

"Call up your family doctors! They must inspect Haruhi's ribs!"

The subject of the conversation stood up and yelled, "No! I'm fine, so just drop it!"

"Eep!" Tamaki pulled away and glomped Harry in the process. "Kaa-san is being scary! Help me, Son!"

Harry scowled, "Let go, you baka."

"No!"

Harry glowered at the King, his emerald eyes darkened and his face shadowed into a near-black color.

Tamaki instantly let go and hopped back to his corner of woe. He twiddled his thumbs as he mumbled, "My family hates me. My loyal subjects betrayed me. Oh, woe is me!"

Harry rolled his eyes while Haruhi slapped her forehead in irritation. "Baka."

Hikaru and Kaoru drawled, "Milord, stop trying to excerpt some of Shakespeare's quotes into your own twisted, modified words."

Hunny said, "Yes, Tama-chan! We get the point."

Mori just nodded.

"Oh!" Haruhi exclaimed. "What are the benefits of being the chaperone, Riddle-san?"

Tom frowned. "Well, you'll be able to come anytime you want. However, you must be present here for at least three days as our chaperone. You can look through the request rate folders that I will provide to you at a later time. Also, you won't need to wear the dress uniform that the school provided you with. In fact, we've already prepared another outfit for you."

The Hitachin twins both whipped out a suit resembling a waiter's outfit. The crisp, white shirt was partially covered by a black vest trimmed at the bottom with gold trimmings. The vest was clasped tightly slightly below what is supposed to be the chest area of the shirt. "Our mom designed this just for you," they all but chirruped.

"During those three days, you are allowed to leave at any time you please. Another benefit is...," he grinned cheekily at Tamaki. "The King is _not_ allowed to hug, molest, kiss, hold, and force you to do _anything_ without _your _permission."

"WHAT?" Tamaki shrieked as he started shaking his fists at Tom. "Since when did I do those things to my precious Kaa-san? You have no right-"

"Aah, but did _she_ ask _you_?"

"..."

Tom smirked. "As well as those reimbursements, anything you want from the Host Club will be provided without any cost. Just be notified that the price of the required item _will_ be added to the debt that Harry owes us."

Haruhi blinked. "Debt? What debt?"

Harry cut into the conversation. "There's _no_ debt! Tom's just joking! Right, Tom?" He glanced at Riddle, his eyes practically begging him to agree.

"Yes!" Tamaki snapped out of his funk and clapped Harry's back. "Riddle's such a _kidder_! Another advantage to this deal is that whenever there's a problem, just come to us, _especially_ me, and we'll help you out."

"So... that's it?" Haruhi asked as she gazed intently at the hand on the small back of Harry's.

"That was all we could think of in such a short time," Hikaru said.

"Oh, I see. It isn't so bad. Now, Harry told me that there was going to be a Christmas party coming up soon, so will I have to help around?"

"**YES**!"

"... Dart!"

--

'_**To be a gentleman: Lesson one... dancing the basic steps.'**_

"Okay, Harry," Kyouya murmured softly. He swayed sensually to the beat of the music. "Let's begin... right, left... feet together one the second 'right'. A gentleman always leads, so guide your partner." Kyouya instructed the lost Harry. _'Why did they have to drag me in this? What did I do to piss off them lately? Hmm, I can't recall doing anything offensive to them, so why me? Well, I shouldn't be complaining. At least I'm dancing with Harry-san.' _

Harry stared at his moving feet intensely as he chanted, _'Right... left... right... lef- ACK!'_ He toppled over to the floor due to a _certain_ foot tripping his. _'Stupid Tamaki! Why, oh why, did he have to pair me up with Kyouya?' _He groaned as he glanced down to see what was cushioning his fall. _'Oh... crud...'_ Harry blushed. "Kyouya, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to-"

Kyouya stared at the emerald-eye teen in confusion. _'Why is he blushing? Hmm... if I recall earlier from my year of middle school, it's either from embarrassment or pleasure... that or a bit of both.' _He glanced up at the flushed teen._ "I suppose the fault of the fall is mine. I must apologize for this.'_ He then smiled as his hands reached out to tenderly cup Harry's cheek. He softly whispered, "Hey... it's okay."

--_**  
**_Haruhi andTamaki both gazed at the dancing couple with darkened looks in their eyes. "Simply unacceptable," they both growled. Together, they also crossed their legs and slurped their ramen noodles at the same time.

Kaoru glanced at the pair sitting at the same table armed with the same bowls and colored chopsticks. "Milord, Haruhi, will you both lay off the Proletarian ramen and help finalize our party plans?"

Hikaru huffed, "It's only a week away! Come on, Milord! Get your butt moving and your eyes off of Haruhi!"

Tamaki glared at the twins. "Just to let you know," he drawled. "I'm not mooning over Haruhi!"

The said girl sighed in relief.

"That's for later."

_Kong!_ That was the sound her head made when colliding against the table.

Hunny stared at the King and then at Haruhi, and back again to Tamaki. "Tama-chan! Haru-chan! Why are you so yanked off that Kanako chose Harry?"

Tom agreed. "It's not like her sickness started today."

_Kong!_ This time, it was Tamaki's head against the table. "What an abrupt change of subject! What makes you think I'm that yanked off?"

Haruhi blinked. "Sickness? What are you guys talking about?"

The Hitachin twins chorused, "The classic 'Fickle Female Disease'!"

"Also known as 'Man-Switching Mania'," Hunny quipped.

Haruhi scowled as she witnessed the scene, a.k.a. Harry dancing with Kyouya. _'Right...'_ "Let me guess. Normally, this Kanako girl is supposed to seek the company of a specific host as a regular, but she switches favorites _every_... _single_... _time_! Tamaki's been it lately, but Harry got bumped up into her new favorites list. By now, she's been through everyone at least twice now."

"Wow!" Hunny gazed up at her in awe. "You know everything, don't cha?"

"No. I just looked through the request rate folders that Tom provided me with."

_Kong!_ This time was Hunny's.

--

After many _failed_ attempts of the couple trying to dance in rhythm, Haruhi snapped, "Why him? Why not let me be Harry's partner?"

Kaoru sighed, "It's because you have no experience in ballroom dancing. It's required for Harry to learn for the party unless he doesn't want his debt in to a half-!"

Hikaru clapped his hand over his brother's mouth. "Baka! Don't say it that loud!" Hikaru whispered harshly to his brother. His amber eyes softened as tears started forming in his younger brother's eyes. "Gomen, Kaoru," he said softly.

_'It's okay,'_ Kaoru thought since _obviously_, he couldn't talk.

Haruhi just raised an elegant eyebrow. She rolled her eyes as she turned back to face the couple with a scowl dancing on her lips. Suddenly, she heard little whimpering noises, like a mouse squeaking. _'Huh? I wonder... oh... it's just Tamaki.'_ "Err, Tamaki...kun... are you okay?"

Tamaki looked at her out of the corner of his eyes before his amethyst orbs avoided contact with hers. He let out other small bleating sounds as he sniffed stridently.

"Uhh...," Haruhi blinked her chocolate orbs repeatedly. "Okay..."

Hikaru sighed. "He's just lost in his fantasy world."

"Oh?"

"Yes... he thought he'd be the practice partner... with you."

"The heck?"

"Yes... what a ninny!"

Tamaki glowered at him. "I'm not a ninny," he growled.

"Ninny!"

Kaoru shoved Hikaru's hands away from his mouth. "Ninny," he taunted his _Lord_.

Tamaki turned to look at his entity of love. "You don't think I'm a ninny, right Haruhi?"

"Uhh," Haruhi frowned. "Well, sure you're not a ninny, but you are a very cool drama queen."

Tamaki gasped sharply. He slowly turned his head around to face his corner of woe and proceeded to bawl like a baby.

"Err, maybe that was the wrong phrase."

--

"I'm so sorry you got _trapped_ for this, Kyouya-san," Harry said as he served Kyouya a cup of rich green tea.

"Hmm?" Kyouya glanced at him. "No, it's okay. I _don't_ mind."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"But, you were _forced_ to do the girl's part!"

"True... true... but I don't see any _problem_ with that. For example, look at Hunny and Mori. They're doing the _same_ thing as us."

"But they're a _special_ case."

Kyouya sighed. He leaned his cheek against his fist. "Look at it this way. Your hosting's on hold while you're practicing, correct?"

"Uhh... yeah?"

Kyouya smirked. "So, in light of the fact that I'm_ forced_ into doing this, I get to monopolize _your_ time," he purred.

Harry blushed. "I-I'm sorry! I ha-have to go!" Harry sprinted away.

"You'll _never _get away from_ me_. Mark _my_ words, I'll have you _soon_," Kyouya licked his lips.

--

"Harry," Tamaki called out. "It's time to work again."

"Oh... okay..."

Tamaki smiled and then turned back to his crowd of blushing girls.

"Har-ry! My _one_ and _only_ love," a girlish voice shrieked.

Harry whipped his head around to the source of the outburst as a slender body enveloped his. "Gack!"

Kanako nuzzled his face with her soft cheeks. "Oh, how I missed you."

Harry groaned. _'Why me? I hate my life.'_ "Me too," he lied. "Care to let go of me? We'll both be more _comfortable_ if we're sitting on chairs, facing each other with a table in_ between_ us."

"Oh... okay."

--

Haruhi seethed as she watched her younger_ brother_ being glomped by Kanako. "That little-"

"Haruhi! Haruhi!" Tamaki pounced on her.

"Ack!"

"Come and see what I do for work," he chirped happily.

Haruhi groaned. "No."

Tamaki gasped in horror. "You don't... want to see Tou-san work?"

"No."

Tamaki hopped back to his corner of woe.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Baka Tamaki."

--

"Hey, isn't that Haruhi?" Kanako asked as she sat down on a wooden chair.

"Uhh, yeah," Harry answered as he poured the same green tea that he served Kyouya into two little cups.

"What's she doing here, and with Tamaki no less?"

"She's the Host Club's chaperone. She has to be here."

"Oh... I see." Kanako said with a little hint of confusion mixed in her voice. She lifted the teacup to take a sip. "Oh!" She glanced down at the cup in approval. "My... these are brand-new Jinori tea sets," she exclaimed.

_'Huh? Jinori?' _

Tom walked into the scene with a bright smile decorating his lips. "Yes... you're most observant. In fact, you have the eyes of an expert. They just came in today."

Kanako smiled affectionately at the sea-green teacup held tenderly in her hands. "I see... they're a nice color."

Harry declared, "You seem to _like_ dishes."

"**WH-WHAT?! NO, I DON'T**!" Kanako dropped the fragile teacup onto the tile floor. "**WHAT WERE YOU THINKING**," she laughed awkwardly. "**I DON'T LIKE THEM ONE BI**-" Harry's tea toppled over and the hot contents spilled over her fingers. "**OW**!" Kanako howled in pain as she started to blow on her index finger.

_'So, you do like them... but what's with the violent denial?'_ Harry announced, "You should go see the nurse. I'll come with you." He stood up and dragged the blushing female after him.

--

Harry sighed as he opened the Nurse's Room 3's door with a loud clank. "Nurse...," he called out.

A man with dark, brown hair stood facing the pair. He blinked his mercury-colored eyes in surprise.

Harry heard a sharp intake of breath behind him. _'Huh?'_

Kanako gasped out loud in revelation. "T-Toru!"

Toru stuttered upon recognition. "Ka-Kanako?!"

Harry blinked. _'Eh?!'_

I'll be twisting some of the scenes in both the manga and the anime till I think it fits, hence this mixed-up chapter. Well, any questions? Feel free to ask! Comments? I'll be sure to read them! Criticism? As long as it _helps_ the story. Please review! Please! Please! Please! -looks at the review page- Come on, guys! Don't _just _read the story! I _would_ like to see some feedback!


	6. Christmas Ball

Hola, minna-san (everyone)! Say, there's an interesting offer someone posted up. Thanks _**Apocalypse Angel Laiceica**_! I'm starting off with a new option. Do you want Harry with Kyouya, Tom, or all? This time, you don't have to explain why, okay? Although, I would like just **one** person saying why they would want a threesome. I pretty much understand the rest. Woah! Longest chapter yet! –faints-

**New Vote! Select for Which One You Want! Continued Till Chapter 9!**

**Kyouya (Do you want him?)**- 23

**Tom (Or do you want him?)-** 19

**Threesome-** 1

* * *

--

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 6

--

Harry questioned, "Are you the nurse... Toru-san?"

Toru looked at them both in confusion. "Nurse? Oh! I' m sorry, but she's out right now. I'm just here to-" he broke off. Toru stared at Kanako. "Kanako? Why are you-" Toru stopped in mid-sentence as soon as he saw her injured finger. "Is that a burn?!" He reached over for her hand. "Let me-"

"No!" She slapped his hand away and clung closer to Harry. "Harry will look at it, right Harry?"

He scowled,_ 'I don't really want to.' _"Err, Kanako­... he's a much ... I'm not a healer. And you must have a nurse's aide."

"But!"

Toru shook his head and looked at them both sorrowfully. "No, ­it's alright."

Harry blinked once again and asked, "Say, are you a student here?" He studied the cashmere sweater and casual pants that Toru wore. "You don't seem to...­ well, you don't look like one." He cocked his head. "Are you a teacher?" '_You look like one.'_ By now, Harry had forgotten the fact that when he first enrolled in Ouran, he wasn't wearing the usual Ouran school uniform for boys.

"No... I' m just a humble scholar," he waved his index finger in the air.

Kanako giggled, "Oh Harry... such a kidder." She beamed at him. "Well, I'm not surprised. Toru looks nothing like the scion of a major corporate family, does he?"

Toru let out a forced chuckle.

Harry questioned, "But why is he here?" He turned to face the other student again. "It's not because you saw us coming here, right?"

The taller man shook his head. "No. I just came here to make my rounds. I've got to finish it all up this term." He sighed and opened the golden latch attached to the door. "I guess I'll come back later. See ya," he saluted before shutting the door behind him.

Harry sighed. "Look, Kanako-chan."

"Just call me Kanako, Harry," she all but purred.

He shivered at the thought of it. '_Oh the horror! She's not even that close to me!' _"Perhaps," he replied in an impassive voice. "You mentioned that you've never met him, right? Well, it doesn't look like it." He glanced at Kanako out of the corner of his eyes. "Is there something you haven't told me about him? Maybe you two are... lovers," he assumed.

Kanako gawked at him before shaking her head ferociously and backing up to a medication cabinet. **"NO! NEVER! I'VE NEVER MET HIM BEFORE, TOO! IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD! I'VE NEVER MET HIM, TALKED TO HIM, AND NOR AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT... THAT... BOY!" **

'_Another violent denial.'_

"My- my burn's fine, so if you'll excuse me," she stomped over to the door with a streak of red painted on her face. "I- I'll just-"

The door slammed into her face.

Mori entered the scene with a crying Hunny on his back. "He's," he panted. "He's hurt!" He declared to Harry as he gently placed the lithe blonde onto the floor.

Harry frowned. '_Hunny's not the only one hurt.'_ He particularly looked at Kanako who was _cradling_ her now-bruised-forehead, and the door which was off the hinges_. 'Poor door... and Kanako,'_ he thought.

Kanako pushed herself up from the floor and staggered out. "I'll see you later."

Harry let out a mental whoop. _'She's not calling me just 'Harry' now! Yosh!'_ He turned back to look at the other two intruders. Harry sighed as he bended down till his emerald orbs met the larger, hazel ones. "Can you sit down somewhere? I don't want you to pull away if I'm to treat your... injury."

Hunny gave a last sniffle before waddling to the corner of the room, where he proceeded to squat down.

Meanwhile, Mori was in the process of hammering the door back into place.

Harry just raised an eyebrow at the two after swiping the cotton balls and an old bottle of brandy_. 'Made in 1799...,'_ he read the bottle's label. _'I hope it won't cause an infection,'_ he thought with a worried mind.

Hunny sniffed as he smelled the scent of alcohol... never mind the fact that the smell should've faded away. "Hatter...," he whined.

"Hai?" Harry mentally patted himself on the back for actually remembering to use the Japanese language. '_And I got the best scores too!'_ Harry gloated in his mind.

"Am... am I suppose to drink alcohol to make this wound go away? If... if not... **AM I GOING TO DIE?!"** Hunny began to look alarmed and his voice took on a panicky tone with a hint of desperation. His eyes took on the shape of teary, puppy-dog eyes.

Harry chuckled at the cute scene. "Naa. I've done this before. Trust me, you need alcohol. It's an old method and it does hurt, but it's still useful." He soaked a cotton ball in the brandy and bended down to peer at the outstretched arm Hunny provided him. "Prepare yourself," he warned the brave, young man before him.

Hunny nodded and clasped his eyes shut._ 'Think of bunnies. Happy, pink bunnies... pink bunnies stuffed with cotton. Cakes, sweets, chocolates, bunnies, ice-cream, cakes, candies, cakes, alcohol...'_ He let loose a howl of pain as soon as he felt the cotton ball gliding across the wound.

Harry winced at the racket Hunny was making. "What a set of lungs you got there," he mumbled. After he was satisfied with the results, he slapped on a Band-Aid to cover the scratch. "What ever caused this?"

Hunny wiped away his tears with a sleeve. "While Mori and I were dancing, I tripped by accident."

Harry bobbed his head as he listened with interest. "Uh-huh. Go on."

"And Mori stepped on me!"

Harry winced and let out a low whistle. "That's gotta hurt, alright."

Mori sneezed. He glanced at the both of them in confusion before shrugging._ 'Someone must be talking about me.' _He asked, "Will Hunny be okay?"

"It's alright, Mori. Hunny's gash will mend. It's just a scratch, after all."

The taller man nodded. Mori gave a last lingering smile before going back to his hammering.

Harry almost fainted. _'Mori... Mori smiled! Wow! What an incredible feat!'_

"Hatter! Hatter!" Hunny chirped and leaped onto Harry's lap.

The emerald-eye teen found himself twitching at the nickname given to him. "Yes?"

"Have you met Toru? I saw him come out!"

"Yeah... what of it?"

"Did you know?"

"Eh?"

"Second year, Class C... Toru Suzushima, Kanako's _fiancé_!"

--

'_**To be a gentleman: lesson two... heated discussions nurtures independence.'**_

"Everyone!" Tamaki Suoh announced to the entire Host Club, a peeved Haruhi... and a ruffled, "I'm-forced-into-this-Kyouya. "Relate all of the details of Miss Kanako and Mr. Suzushima," he ordered as he held up the pictures of the said two.

Harry blinked as he draped an arm around Haruhi's shoulder. "What about dance practice?"

Haruhi sighed. "Sorry, but it's in the past tense, now. Suoh-kun is caught up in the _plan_."

"What plan?"

Haruhi stifled a laugh. "You'll see, Harry. You'll see."

Tamaki sashayed into the conversation and draped his arm across Haruhi's shoulder... after shoving Harry's arm away. "Yes, _my_ _son_. Haruhi-chi, your _Mother _and I, your _Father,_ agreed not to _spoil_ the _surprise_." He grinned as Haruhi tried to pry away his iron-gripped hands away from her shoulders.

Harry felt a feeling of dread sink into his gut. _'I don't like the way this is going.'_

Kyouya coughed. He thumped Harry on the back and gazed at the Host Club and Haruhi. "Are we going to continue this said _plan_ of yours?" _'I feel so sorry for Harry.' _

'_And what is this plan? It sounds... terrible if they're not willing to tell me.' _

Tamaki nodded his head enthusiastically. He nuzzled Haruhi's cheek and said, "Hitachin agents, report!"_ 'So soft! As expected from my wife.' _

Haruhi growled as she crossed her legs. ...How un-lady like.

Hikaru and Kaoru responded with, "Yes, Sir!" They saluted Tamaki. "They are childhood pals! They're betrothed to each other by their parents, at a tender age of three."

"Kyouya! Report on Mr. Suzushima."

Tom just scowled at the Kyouya's hand that he caught, tangled up in Harry's rich locks. Too bad he couldn't do anything about it, hence the fact that he was tied up and gagged.

Harry looked over at the source of muffled noises. Then, he spotted Tom. "What's up with the rope and chains? And is that a... piece of cloth in his mouth?" He went over to untie Tom... before noticing that either he had to be a professional lock-picker or have a key to open the locks.

He was speechless.

"We had to tie him up before he went on a murderous rampage, demanding where you were while waving a headless, rubber chicken in the air," Kyouya explained.

Harry snapped out of his shock and blinked. _'Was he cooking at that time? Or playing pranks?'_

"It's true," Kaoru said. "If we didn't tie him up, we would be hunted down by an apron-wearing Tom Riddle."

Blink.

"Who was wielding a purple, rubber chicken as a sword," Hikaru finished with a huff.

Blink.

"Harry... stop your infuriating blinking," Kyouya scowled.

Blink.

--

And now ladies and gentlemen, this is where the end of the world came to be. Kyouya turned into a prancing leprechaun, giving gold to all the yaoi-fangirls and fanboys. Tom, on the other hand, returned back into his Voldemort form, reborn as an almighty mouse. Hikaru and Kaoru turned into wannabe-Sherlock-detectives, clothed in naughty-cat ears and tail and nothing else to imagine about there. ...Please close your mouths, fangirls. No need to drool. We all know that they're hot. Tamaki turned into a serious fellow all of a sudden while Haruhi gained a hundred pounds. Hunny got taller and gave up sweets. Mori grew shorter and now chattered-on endlessly, waving a banner that says: "Calling all fangirls and fanboys. Yes, I am one. Join the club!" And last but not least, Harry stripped down to his boxers and is now offering fan-service.

NOT!

--

Harry stopped his blinking immediately. "Sorry," he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Everyone groaned, not counting Tom who was still tied up and gagged.

Tamaki coughed lightly into his sleeve, covering up his amused smile. Haruhi just sighed. "Continue on, Kyouya."

Haruhi smiled at him as she saw Kyouya hesitating. "Come on," she chided playfully. "You're the President of the Student Council, so surely you must know some information about Toru-kun. You have access to all of the student files."

Harry beamed up at Kyouya. "Really? That's so cool!"

Kyouya blinked owlishly at him before turning his back at Harry. He tried to calm down his unusually, rapidly-beating heart.

"So... can you tell us?"

Kyouya frowned and reported in a strained-voice, "Grades? Superior. Lineage? Adequate. Looks? So-so. In summary, he's **1)** Class C."

Tamaki "ooh-ed" and "aah-ed" as he listened to the brief report that Kyouya provided. "His strong points are?"

"Serious by nature. He's heading to England as a transfer-student next spring."

"Weak points?"

"As followed: mousy, passive, and in short, plain. End report."

Harry rolled his eyes. _'Bunch of snots. They don't cut a guy much slack.' _He tilted his head_, 'And why is Kyouya acting like a computer?'_

Tamaki stroked his imaginary beard like **2)** Dumbledore's long, white beard in "Hogwarts". "Yup... there we have it."

Haruhi crossed her arms. "Yup... the fickle female disease."

"You know it?" Tamaki questioned his _wife_.

"If you're a girl, you're bound to know it."

Harry cocked his head. "Have what? What's the fickle female disease?"

"The cause of the Princess's sickness. 'A future with a man is an unwelcome prospect'," Kyouya explained as he mimicked Kanako's voice.

Kaoru said, "'I just want to fool around a while longer.' That sums up that view of the matter." He crossed his arms and huffed in annoyance.

Hikaru mimed the movements to the mimicking. "About her and the plain man, that is," he added.

Harry tapped his chin as he pondered over the explanations. "Her view... eh? Seems valid... but-"

Tamaki strolled over to pull out the gag out of Tom's mouth. "Riddle-san... you must have known about the fiancé business."

Tom spat out the remains of the cloth. "Of course," he drawled. "It's in the customer background check." He wiggled around feverously before his shoulders slumped. "Untie me."

Tamaki hesitated, but did as he was requested nonetheless.

Tom stretched his limbs with a loud crack. "Aah... feels much better!"

--

"How's the dancing coming up, by the way?" Haruhi questioned.

Harry huffed. "It would've been better if I practiced today..."

Kyouya ruffled Harry's hair and smiled. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll do fine."

Harry blushed.

--

'_**December twenty-four, five o' clock, Main Hall, Central Building, has finally arrived!'**_

"Little sheep, gathering here..."

"May you be grateful for the bountiful beauty and joy bestowed by our communion this night."

"With the Lord's blessing, open the doors!"

"Welcome one and all, to Ouran Host Club Christmas Party!" Tamaki delivered the final part of the speech with a flourish as he held out a beckoning hand to the crowd of ladies and gentlemen.

He wore a beige tuxedo with a crisp, white shirt and vest tucked into his pants. His pants matched the color of his shirt, and a violet tie was clasped around his neckline that made his unusual amethyst eyes stand out.

Mori stood as still as a stone with a small smile etched on his lips. His black tux that he wore made him look more handsome and slim. A white shirt covered up his chest as well as a bowtie around his neckline to ward off any intruders staring at his neck. A handkerchief was stuffed neatly into the pocket of the upper-left chest.

Hunny beamed at the crowd with his hands outstretched and a smile blooming on his face. His face was flushed with excitement as his suit, the exact same as Mori's except for the tie and vest, clung to his petite frame. He also wore checkered pants and a tie of the same design and golden color.

Tom wore a grey suit and a burgundy-colored tie. It wasn't that special, his suit that is... except if you checked out the price on that baby, you'll faint. However, despite the normalness, it clung to his frame, making one-seventh of the population of females in the crowd... drool.

Harry smiled at his share of girls. He wore a green, striped vest and tie underneath his black suit, borrowed from the twins. A belt hung a bit loosely over his small waist, but not far below the borderline beginning of the black pants. His emerald eyes shone even more brightly from the thrill of excitement.

"Heigh-ho!" Kaoru chirped as he shuffled through a deck of checkered-poker cards. He wore the same outfit as his twin, which consisted of a ribbon tied to the clasp of their shirt. Their striped, burgundy vests were draped over their ashen shirts, which also clung to their figure like leather. Speaking of leather, there was a leather-cord strapped around one of their wrists. They both wore black pants.

Hikaru grinned, "Who's up for a game of cards, ladies and gents?" He winked as he held out golden tokens branded with the Ouran symbol. As mentioned above, he wore the same clothing as his younger twin.

"Each win earns one point toward fabulous prizes! The top-point earners will be awarded the last dances with the Club members!" Kaoru announced into the mike that randomly appeared out of nowhere. He handed the microphone to Hikaru.

"The ultimate winner will receive a kiss from the King!" Hikaru declared as Tamaki leaned his face closer to a randomly-picked girl which was... no surprise there, Haruhi!

"Good luck," he purred. "And nice legs, by the way," he whispered into her ear.

Haruhi blanched. She walked away with a huff, with her hands trying to pull down the hem of her knee-cut midnight gown, showing off her milky-white legs. _'I can't believe I was forced into this... this dress! And I also can't believe I had to come here.'_ She felt someone looking at her. She whirled around, just to meet the vast population of females' jealous looks. "Eh heh heh heh... hi?"

"Haruhi! Haruhi!" Harry called after her. "What's wrong," he asked after he caught up with her. "You seem tense."

Haruhi slapped her hand against her forehead. _'Idiot...'_

The rest of the Host members caught up with them, minus Hikaru and Kaoru who was left to fend off of the ladies by themselves. ...Poor guys. "Harry, you seem tense too."

Harry laughed awkwardly. "I'm not exactly used to these... affairs like this. Our dad usually brings home fruitcakes home from work for Christmas."

"He's more like your step-father," Haruhi chided. "And don't you miss your godparents too? Shouldn't you be more concerned over them than my dad?"

"Yeah... I miss my godparents," Harry confessed. "But your dad is still fun."

Hunny piped, "What do you do to spend your time during Christmas?"

Harry frowned. "I believe we watch reruns of 'Hogwarts: Christmas Special' on our T.V."

Tamaki crossed his arms. "Yup... the show dispensing common wisdom to commoners."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "We figured that you'd act that way. No biggie," she sighed.

Tamaki cupped her cheeks and cried as he cradled her head onto his chest. "No biggie?! Why are you so indifferent to everything? You should be insulted for yourself, your dad, Harry, and the directors of 'Hogwarts'!"

Harry's eye twitched. _'You like them that much?'_

"Harry-kun!" Kyouya's voice rang out. He walked over to Harry and shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you again."

'_We just met an hour ago.'_ Still, Harry's eyes raked up and down Kyouya's body.

He was dressed in a black tuxedo with a scarlet bow clasped around the neckline. He wore his crisp, white shirt underneath his violet vest. The tiny buttons on the vest were styled in gold and had the initials: KO etched onto every, little button. He wore loafers and black pants that could be easily mistaken as part of the suit... since they both came from different trousers. In short, he looked very handsome. Especially since his hair was gelled back with a few strands of his bangs sticking out of their position, and the fact that he wore contacts, making his mercury eyes shine.

Kyouya refrained from commenting about Harry checking him out. He was sure that Harry would hate him more if he were to reveal it to the public.

Tom scowled as he noticed Harry looking at Kyouya up and down. _'What does he have that I don't have?'_

Kyouya smiled. "As long as you're here, why don't you enjoy the food?"

Harry looked up at him with his head cocked. "Is... is there giant tuna?" He whispered, only loud enough for the Host Club to hear.

A moment of silence ensued. Then... chaos...

Tom yelled, "I want giant tuna here, stat!"

Tamaki ordered, "Hop to it guys!"

"How modest... how unassuming," the twins nuzzled him. "Poor commoner."

Mori rushed off to bring back a plate of sushi.

Kyouya called up a restaurant with his dark green cell, "Hello? We would like ten orders of giant tuna."

Hunny held out two boxes of Tupperware, "We have Tupperware, Hatter! Take some home!"

Harry shivered violently and broke away. He ran away with his whole face red._ 'Me and my big mouth.'_

"Where are you going?" Tamaki called after him.

Hikaru said, "We have roast beef!"

Kaoru skittered around. "Where's the caviar?"

--

"Oh? Harry!" A very familiar, female voice called out to him. He didn't want to turn around, but due to his recent teachings, it would be rude to turn your back on a female. Harry slowly twisted around to face her. "Yes... Kanako?"

"Would you like to dance with me," Kanako asked.

His eyebrow twitched. "Why certainly... eh?" He pretended to spot something out of the blue. "Is that Toru?"

**"WHAT?!"** Her glass of water was dropped onto the tile floor as she backed up onto the beverage table... which some of the drinks and plates fell off to the floor due to her. **"YEEK!"** She collapsed on the floor, staring at the broken plates and glasses.

Harry grinned. _'She's so cute!'_ He then sighed and said, "I wonder is you're really suited to playing games like this. No matter how you try not to show it while you're here... what really grabs you interest is the dishware and Toru."

Kanako's eyes softened as she hung her head. _'"This is Wedgwood. This is Jinori. You're going to be my wife someday, so I'll tell you about them," Toru's voice rang cheerfully in her head. By then, they were both small children. _

_"Pretty," her seven year old version whispered as she admired the teacups.' _

"Suzushima commence imports dishware. Why are you so ashamed to deny your real feelings for them?"

Kanako mumbled, "It's true... not that it matters anymore. He... put in that transfer without telling me..."

"So it's-"

"Found you, Hatter!" Hunny's voice chirped. Mori appeared right aside him and flung Harry onto his back like a sack of flour. Both Mori and Hunny ran off with a kidnapped Harry... and a shocked Kanako as a witness.

--

'_**Main Hall... Prep Room...'**_

"Ah! Here he comes," Kaoru grinned. He glanced at his twin. "Showtime!"

As soon as Harry was dumped on the floor by Mori and the tag-along-Hunny, he cried, "Wait! What's going-"

Hikaru pushed Harry into a changing room with a silky clothing of some sort. "Take this and change. Make it snappy, "he ordered.

"Huh?"

Kaoru smirked, "It's twenty minutes until the climax of the party... that's your time limit." He set the alarm on his digital wristwatch. "We've already called Mr. Suzushima over to room 2-C."

Hikaru dragged a frazzled Harry out of the changing room, and onto a chair. He powdered Harry's cheeks with something... dusty... and used a mascara-eyeliner. Kaoru joined in and grabbed hold of a lipstick. "Hold still," they both ordered.

After a few minutes... which was really just a minute and a half... they announced, "Find out how he really feels about Kanako."

Hikaru nodded, "His lordliness and mistress sprang this on us yesterday. Getting prepared wasn't easy."

The door slammed open. "Hey!" Tom joined the twins. "What's going on in here? We have guests to enterta-" His sentence was cut short as he stood there, stunned with Harry's appearance.

Kyouya burst through the door too. "What are you guys-" He too, was stunned speechless.

Harry looked up at them, stood up, and faced them shyly. After the entire ordeal, he went through an amazing transformation. He already had a woman's eyes, heavy-lidded, green, almond-shaped, with thick lashes and delicately arched eyes, but it was made more feminine due to the makeup. His cream-colored skin and emerald eyes were enhanced greatly by the knee-cut, sea green dress that he wore. His shoulder-length hair was covered by a wig of black flames that cascaded down his back like a waterfall. A few stands framed his oval-shaped face with delicate, high-cheekbones, exotic eyes, and lush, pink lips. In other words, he looked like a... girl.

They both did a double-take and felt heat rise to their cheeks. Kyouya and Tom both turned back to face the door to hid their red faces. It wasn't their normal behavior, but hey. They're still growing boys!

Harry just raised an eyebrow. _'What's with them?'_

Both Kaoru and Hikaru sniggered and said, "Whatcha think, commanders? Check the makeup!"

Hunny squealed, "You look so cute, Hatter!" Yes... he and Mori were still in the room.

Harry scowled, "The wig's a bit heavy."

Kaoru goaded Harry to the door. "Alright! Go for it, Harry! Charm Toru's wits outta him!"

Hunny cheered. "Yeah! Hup-two, three, four!"

Harry staggered out into the hallways. "These shoes are awkward," he complained as he shakily walked on the high-heeled, black sandals. "Sure... whatever," he mumbled to the people cheering after him.

--

Harry stumbled through the hallway, occasionally tripping over the high heel shoes. _'Whoever created these shoes should be flung out in the streets and shot at,'_ he cursed venomously. He wobbled to the door labeled: "2-C" and cursed once again silently as he almost fell down onto the floor. He opened the door with a shaky hand as he blinked in surprise, as well as the other inhabitant. Yes, that's right! It's none other than Toru.

"Owari? Did _you_ write this _letter_? Huh! Funny... I pictured... well, you're very different from what I had imagined." Toru stared at the pretty girl in front of him, unaware that it was actually Harry in drag.

"Letter?"

"You know," Toru handed Harry the piece of paper.

Harry blanched as he read the letter. This is what it says: "Love! Love! Love! My love, my only Toru... just thinking about you smashes my heart to pieces like a scene in "Twister" or "Deep Impact"! My heart is swirling with winds of L-O-V-E! It's going BOOM BOOM! Ever since I first saw you, my heart has been going super love love! Tee hee! Let's rendezvous on Noah's Ark! Noda! Noda! Noda!"

"I thought you were... more _feminine_..."

Harry's right eye twitched. _'The heck? Who wrote this piece of junk? And feminine?! They're all insane people!'_

--

"Tom-san," Hunny poked Tom's arm.

"Hai?"

"Do you think that the letter we wrote was convincing enough?"

Tom frowned as he pondered over Hunny's words. "I believe so since, after all, you, Kyouya, the twins, and I wrote it ourselves. After all, who knows a woman's heart and mind better than us?"

"Oh." Hunny tilted his head. "I see. Then this plan will go well after all."

"Good," Tom smiled as he ruffled Hunny's hair.

Kyouya frowned. "Hey guys..."

"Yeah?" Tamaki blinked as he twirled the sullen Haruhi across the dance floor.

"I'll be right back." He whisked away into the shadows.

Haruhi blinked and asked, "Where is he going?"

Tamaki shrugged, "I have no clue, _my_ princess."

She scowled at the nickname.

--

"I'm sorry," Toru started, "But I cannot return your feelings... I...there's another girl I care for... although she doesn't seem to care about me." His voice took on a wistful tone. "She's just so... gorgeous and lively... and needs a man brimming with confidence. I want to be that man."

"And how do you plan on accomplishing it?"

"I'm getting to it!"

"Okay! Okay! Sheesh!"

Toru rolled his eyes... before narrowing his eyes at Harry. "Say... haven't I seen you before?"

"No!" Harry shook his head and crossed his hands repeatedly. _'I don't want you to know that I'm Harry Potter dressed in drag!'_ "Continue on by all means."

Toru sighed. He whispered, "Well, I figure that traveling across the world can help shape me into a better man. I know that I'm being a coward... but it's better than taking a risk and- getting rejected," he added in a softer tone.

"What a dimwit," Harry bluntly said.

"EH?!"

"If you don't tell her now, then how will she know? It's better taking a risk then staying out in the sidelines, just watching," he tilted his head a bit to his side like a curious child.. "I mean... that's what anyone would do."

Toru frowned and considered Harry's response. He finally smiled and reached over to hug Harry. "You-"

Clank! The door slid open, revealing a very shocked Kanako.

Harry gasped and pulled away. _'Why is she here?!'_ "Kanako! I can expla-" He was cut off as she ran off with tears pouring out of her eyes.

"Kanako!" Toru ran after her. "Wait!"

Harry cried, "Kanako, it's not what you-" His feet twisted in the twelve-inch high-heel sandals. He gasped sharply as he began to topple over. _'Merlin,'_ Harry squeezed his eyes shut and braced for the impact.

There was no impact.

_'Huh?'_ Harry opened one eye and then the other as he felt himself being enveloped in another's warm embrace. "Eh? Who-" He looked up. "Kyouya," He gaped.

Kyouya smiled gently down at him. "You okay?"

Harry blushed. "K-Kyouya? What are... why-"

"Ssh," he glanced down at his wrist-watch. "To the window. Begin countdown," he whispered into he watch. "Ten..."

--

"Nine," Tamaki whispered to his dance partner.

"Eight," Haruhi grinned up at Tamaki.

"Seven, six, five...," Tom murmured as he glanced down at his Rolex watch.

"Four," Hunny quipped as he pointed at the window.

"Three," Mori added as he shifted Hunny's small body from one arm and onto the next.

"Two," Kaoru smirked as be continued typing away at a silver laptop.

Hikaru leered and finished with, "One."

--

Meanwhile, in the courtyards, the lights lit up.

A bright light surrounded both Toru and Kanako as soon as he caught up with her and grabbed her wrist. The Christmas tree, unnoticed by the pair, twinkled brightly as the ornaments flashed with sparkles.

The curtains slid open, revealing the curious yet flushed faces of the crowd of girls and the overly-excited Host members, to the two blushing people.

"Merry Christmas," Kyouya announced as he pulled Harry closer against his chest, "And blessings on two stubborn mules!"

Toru smiled and laughed lightly. _'I see... this was just a ploy to get us together.'_

Tears streamed out of Kanako's eyes. She wiped them with the back of her clenched fists and laughed along with Toru.

--

'_**... So my dancing lessons were wasted... and my hopes for debt relief dashed. Still, that doesn't seem so bad, right now...'**_

Harry watched the entire Host Club, minus himself, dancing with the top-point winners with a smile etched on their lips. _'That is... if not counting Haruhi,'_ he rolled his eyes. _'Still... I'm glad that I'm finally out of that... that... dress!'_ He happily resumed his watching, while occasionally tugging on his tie.

Tamaki had been awarded another dance with Haruhi, even though she had no time to gamble.

The others glided across the floor along with their female dance partners happily enough, although Tom seemed a bit unhappy with the fact that Harry couldn't dance.

Toru and Kanako, on the other hand, enjoyed the ballroom dance.

Harry sighed, _'I can't dance with this darn foot.'_ He wistfully glanced over to the sulky man leaning against the ballroom wall. _'I wanted to dance with Kyouya... again. It was... fun.'_

"Now ladies and gents, we're onto the main event!" Kaoru announced as soon as the dance was over.

"Tonight's big winner was to be awarded a blessed kiss from our King." Hikaru cut in.

Tamaki blinked. "Oh! My cue!" He straightened his tie and swept off the imaginary dirt on his shoulders. _'I hope it's Haruhi,'_ he thought, excitedly.

"And tonight's big winner is... drum roll please!" Kaoru and Hikaru both requested.

The drummer of the mini-orchestra bobbed his head and banged a spiffy tune on the drum.

Hikaru finished with, "Kyouya Ohtori!"

Tamaki made a strangled noise as soon as he heard that he was going to kiss... Kyouya!_ 'I'm going to kiss... Kyouya?!'_

Kyouya made a choked sound that sounded like both a gag and a laugh._ 'A kiss... with him? What's funnier is that this is going to be my first kiss, whoo boy.' _

"Kyaa!" A the girls gasped at the sudden turn of events. "Ya-yaoi! This is a yaoi moment!"

One cried, "Drat! Why didn't I remember to bring a camera?"

"No kidding! This is not fair!"

Harry's lip twitched. He stifled a giggle.

"And...," the twins continued.

_'Huh? More?'_ Everyone thought.

Kaoru finished with, "That will now be awarded by Harry Potter!"

"**EH?!**" Harry, Tom, and Kyouya all shouted.

"**WHAT?!**" Haruhi shrieked. She whirled to look at Harry who was slowly discovering new shades of red.

"Hey!" Tom pointed a finger at the devious twins.

"Tamaki suggested a twist ending would set things off just tight! So... ta-da!" They both shrugged.

"But I didn't mean this," Tamaki cried. _'Actually, I meant Haruhi and I.'_

Hunny bobbed his head. "But, this _will_ help us _earn_ more profits, Tama-chan! Remember? We're holding a mini-auction right _after_ this, and the girls will be more _willing_ to part with their money after this," he concluded in a professor-type-of-voice.

Tamaki blinked. He thought, _'Well, he does make a point. I mean, Tom would agree whole-heartily with me.'_

Quite on the other hand, Tama-chan. You see, Tom, standing in the corner, is staring at both the advancing Kyouya and the shocked Harry, appalled.

Tamaki whispered in Harry's ear, "Do this, in lieu of a dance, and I'll cut your debt by a third."

Harry whole heartily agreed right there and now.

Hunny frowned and muttered. "Oh my... Hatter's _first_ kiss, perhaps?"

Both Haruhi and Tom heard Hunny's comment.

Kyouya smiled down at Harry. "Just to get this over with, okay?" His voice took on a husky tone as his lips lowered to meet Harry's trembling ones. However, he changed his mind a moment later. _'Iie. The cheek is better.'_

"**HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!**" Both Haruhi and Tom cried. They both reached out a hand to pull Kyouya _away_ from the emerald-beauty. However, they tripped over the twins' extended legs. The result? Instead of pushing Kyouya away, they pushed Kyouya forward, meeting Harry's cheery-pink lips. Never mind the fact that the handsome man was about to kiss Harry's cheek and not the lips.

A stunned silence followed.

Both of their blushes darkened as soon as they pulled away.

"Nice," the twins high-fived.

Kyouya coughed and declared, "I'm sorry, but I have some work to do. Please excuse me." He bowed stiffly and walked out of the room.

"Ohmigod!" The girls squealed in pleasure. A few fainted while the others either watched the scene with wide, staring eyes or their nose gushed out blood.

"Congratulations, Kyouya-sempai!"

"Did you guys see that?"

"I know! Both Haruhi and Riddle-san tried to interfere!"

"But I understand Haruhi. I mean, which girl wouldn't try to stop the kiss?"

"What about Tom?"

Hikaru snickered, "Well, Tom always wants to do the kissing!"

Kaoru chanted, "Kiss-A-Holic! Kiss-A-Holic!"

"Kiss-A-Holic! Kiss-A-Holic," others joined in.

Harry glowered at Tom. "Kiss-A-Holic... makes sense."

"Eh?" Tom pointed a finger at Haruhi. "What about her? Why are you blaming me for this?"

"It's natural for a girl to want a boy to keep their first kiss. You on the other hand-"

"Hey! I just didn't want your first kiss to be-"

"But thanks to you, it was. I didn't know you were so... needy. My respect for you dwindles."

"But!"

"Or is this some new way to harass me? Or replace Tamaki-senpai?" He glared at Tom. "Leave... me... alone." He ignored Tom throughout the whole day.

Hunny offered, "Want some cake, Hatter?"

"Yes please," he huffed.

--

Outside the school grounds, Kyouya fingered his now-tender lips. "Harry's first kiss, eh?" Kyouya said in a soft tone. He smirked. "Glad to know_ I'm_ the one to take it."

* * *

--X--

The end of chapter six, part two! Yay! Well, another one of his secrets is revealed! Harry hasn't had his first kiss! And, Kyouya's the one to take it! Tee hee. Review guys! You make me so happy!

--X--

**1) -** Lineage and grades determine an Ouran student's class. Because of the special status of transfer and scholarship students, Harry and Haruhi are in Class A. Only the invincible Host Club members and Kyouya are the only ones so far in Class A with Harry and Haruhi.

**2) - **I take it back. You'll find that out the next chapter since you guys say that I take too long and that my chapters need to be longer.


	7. Landing in an Unwelcome Predicament

A/N- Oh, I had fun with this chapter. _–cackles evilly-_ Since I'm in a good mood, I've decided to award a **FREE KURIBUN TO THE** **100TH REVIEWER**!!! _-coughs-_ That's what… only a few reviews away? It's just a little press of a button, typing something meaningless or worthwhile like "I love your story :) -heart- -heart-", and there we go. It doesn't even take you five mintes, yet I notice many people hesitating to review. Why is that?

And now, for some old news.

I made Harry such a wiener. _-groans-_ Now that I look back, I cannot believe I stooped this low for the mere sake of comedy. Forgive me, my precious readers. You deserve better from me. I will go back like the dog I am, and fix his god awful personality and cliché ukeness. However, this does not mean I will stop trying to drive in the humor. And so, a shoutout to **_Somegirl-Morning_**! Thank you for bringing me back to my senses. I had lost sight of where this was heading, and I'd like to thank you for the dash of cold water. Yes, this has gotten a bit too goofy for my tastes. _–bows humbly-_ I appreciate it very much, milady.

Because I'm starting to think our little Harrykins is getting lonely up there, I'm adding Kyoya to the fray. Make note that this is not the final pairing and I needed to put someone from OHSHC up there, so might as well be Kyoya. Now, I shall make one thing clear. The final pairing has been decided (even though technically, this is the ninth-turned-seventh chapter if you count a few deleted chapters and A/Ns). No more trying to sway my vote. You have been forewarned. So, is it Tom, Kyoya, or a threesome? _–shrugs-_ You'll see. I'm considering making this Mature for some explicit scenes… any opinions? And to those who responded to my plight last chapter, thank you. Now, one lucky winner shall get a… gift! (Another freebie, if you will... this thing won't happen much.) Participants are everyone from the last A/N chapter. _–draws out a raffle ticket-_ And the winner is… DUN DUN DUN… **_Rin Hitokiri_**!

Kudos to **_Crystallyn_ **(I would've loved for you to but I understand),** _blackroses2433_**, **_Kai Minomono_**, **_Lady Knight Keladry_**, **_SilverMichaels_**, **_Katsy17_**, **_hpets_** (-_hugs-_), **_Marauder Heir_**, and **_himitsuri_ **for reviewing the last chapter(coughtheA/Nchaptercough). Everyone, thank you all for your reviews so far, but these two (**_Rin Hitokiri_** and **_Crystallyn_**) helped weigh in my decision to give you a better-quality chapter. _–winks-_ You should thank them, y'all! So, Rin-san, get ready for a little guest appearance!

_I haven't done this for a long time… so I'll do this now. I do NOT own anything except the structure of this chapter. This means, the world of Ouran High School Host Club belongs solely to Bisco Hatori, the characters of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, any brands mentioned here to their respected designers, the assortment of colognes to their manufacturers, Chelsea Dagger to the Fratellis, all the characters to their respected mangakas._

**_DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, THIS CHAPTER WILL REMAIN UNBETAED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE_**

* * *

_'"You're alive," she said blankly to Harry._

_"There's no need to sound so disappointed," he said grimly, wiping flecks of blood and slime off his glasses._

_"Oh, well... I'd just been thinking... if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet," said Myrtle, blushing silver.'_

**~ (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling)**

* * *

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 7

"Wonderful, you found me another suitor?" Fleur Delacour questioned, absentmindedly twirling a strand of her silvery-blond hair around a finger. Underneath her long lashes, her pale blue eyes peered stonily at her father. It had been a rather uneventful evening really before her father decided to storm into her room, uninvited and brandishing a sheet of paper crumbled in his hand.

Monsieur Delacour, her father, was a reputable business typhoon in the leading industry of women's wear. Throughout his life, he had been known to be a jovial man, pleasantly plump and full of helpful advice to give to his fellow coworkers. Then again, he was also known for his spontaneous bouts of rage. Thus, he would look terrifyingly enraged to anyone not used to seeing him this way, ruthlessly stroking his pointed black beard on his round face and wearing holes into their Persian rug to reflect his inner turmoil. Her eyes strayed to the stubble, pointedly tuning out whatever he had to say as he opened his mouth.

Raising his voice to protest, he insisted, "Fleur, ma fille aimée, you must understand. 'E comes from a respectable family, and my obligation as your loving father is to secure your future. You know I always want ze best for you."

"I love Bill," she deadpanned, successfully hiding a frown as her father scrunched his face up in blatant mortification at the mere mention of his name. "Mon Dieu, father! Why do you 'arbor such contempt for 'im?"

"You will not mention 'is name in my 'ouse," he exploded, dragging a hand roughly through his sparse hair peppered with specks of grey. "Never repeat William Arthur "Bill" Weasley's name, ever, in my 'ouse, ever again! You understand me?"

Ever since his beloved eldest daughter had been introduced to that abhorrent archeologist, substituting in for an ailing English professor in the Beauxbatons Academy, she came back a changed woman. Not to mention the fact she was minor and he two times her senior (she was still in high school); she was also dating an older prétendant who held no regards to etiquette and the Delacour tradition! It had been harmless at first, their encounters nothing more than a fleeting interest. But soon it escalated into something more and the boy started coming over to their house under the guise of tutoring his daughter in Advanced English.

He should've seen it coming.

Because that delinquent came waltzing into her life, her grades had dropped beyond the point of complete horridness. Until now, never had anyone in the Delacour lineage received marks below a solid "A". Imagine his surprise when Madame Olympe Maxime, the headmistress of the Beauxbatons Academy, mailed him his daughter's first quarter report card, informing him that disciplinary actions will be taken if Fleur's grades did not improve by the end of Second Quarter.

Aggravated, he threw his hands into the air for dramatic effect. "Fleur, what do I 'ave to do to knock some sense into zat 'ead of yours? Can't you see nothing good will come from your illicit liaison with ze boy?"

"…Admit it, père. You 'ave a personal grudge against 'im."

"'E's a dropout!"

"'E only, as you put it, _dropped out_ because 'e wanted to get an early start on his career! School was only 'indering 'im from performing ze best of 'is abilities."

"'E's a Weasley! 'Is mere presence has already affected you in a negative way. Just look at your grades." His hands dove into the pockets of his silky bathrobe and came out with more crumpled sheets. "Regardez, Fleur!"

She gave a tiny shake of her head and with endeavor, she calmly stated, "You're overreacting, Mon Dieu! I assure you zat I am still on top of my classes despite my one 'B'."

"Precisely Fleur, a 'B'," he groaned, his voice almost drowning in the sea of whispering household servants. He tactfully chose to ignore them, choosing to concentrate on his weary daughter. "No one in ze entire Delacour history has ever gotten a 'B'. I am at my last straw. Fleur, please, from a father to 'is daughter… please consider going out with who your mother and I chose for you rather 'an zat Weasley."

Her stiff mask slipped, softening slightly at his pleading tone. Gently, she replied, "Father, you know I love Bill. You can't force me to choose between you and ze man I adore."

Crestfallen, he presented the very image of a defeated elder with shoulders hunched and smooth features set in a mask of disaproval. With a sad, fleeting look passing across his somewhat-appealing face that many remarked resembled an egg's, he started, "To think you'd actually defy your parents." Tilting his head to resemble a curious bird, he studied the cool façade she instantly adopted upon his scrutiny.

_Interesting…_, he briefly thought. "Very well. If zis boy is someone you're willing to spend ze rest of your life with, then I propose a bet."

"A bet," she parroted, her eyes flashing uncertainly. She simply arched a bleached brow in response.

"I will," here he paused momentarily before giving out a choked, "acknowledge your relationship with ze boy if you agree to zese conditions. Since _loverboy_ is somewhere in ze United States—Egypt, was it?—you will attend St. Lobelia Girl's Academy, one of the most prestigious private institution in ze East. From what I understand, ze school excels in promoting creativity, interdisciplinary 'ought, and well-roundedness."

Her arctic decorum fading fast at his remark, she openly gaped at her father sporting newfound confidence at each word uttered. "Mais-"

"-Do not question me, mademoiselle Fleur Delacour!" he quickly interjected, now booming over the twittering behind him. "If I can see zat you can support yourself without ze intervention of your boyfriend and still acquire 'igh marks in a different environment 'ousands of miles away from ze Weasley brat, I might reconsider my probable disownment of your rank. You will have my blessings. However, if I get wind of anything less zan expected from my eldest child, zen you can kiss your ami goodbye. I will renounce you.

"I am sick and tired of your behavior and frankly, I am appalled you would dare raise your voice against your mother—a woman who suffered 'ell and back only to receive what? Nothing except your recent bouts of selfishness, zat's what! Zat is why I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself. If ze atmosphere of pure-bred, sweet girls capable of civil conversation cannot change your unruly ways, zen I see you are beyond hope. So, I am withdrawing you from Beauxbatons and enrolling you in another. We 'ave all be 'oping for you to be chosen for weeks and weeks!Today, you will be departing in our private jet. You may bring one of our 'ousehold _domestiques_ to accompany you as you get situated."

Incredulous, she could only stare dumbly at her father, clearly winded from the long rant. "You cannot possibly send me off and expect me to live 'ere for fours years," she hissed, her alto voice low and husky from outrage. "I've heard of ze school. Their professors lack ze skills Beauxbatons 'as. Besides, what about my friends? What about my-"

"-I suggest you start packing your bags," her father said coldly, jerking a thumb at the crowd gathered round at the threshold of her room. "St. Lobelia is ze number one private school in Japan for _women_, and is considered on ze top three in all of its _nation_. If their teachers are truly awful, then zat school would not be where it is today. Zis is a chance many would die for! Now, carefully decide who your companion will be for ze next four years of your 'rial."

"Fine," she snapped, pointing at a squat maid staring shell-shocked at the manicured finger directed at her. "Myrtle, get over 'ere."

"M-me?" the lucky maid stuttered, twisting a chunk of her dark, lank hair round her stubby fingers. She nervously adjusted her thick glasses, pushing them up her acne-pocked face. She quickly shuffled over to her mistress's side, fiddling at the hem of her blue skirt decorated with bronze ribbons.

"Yes, you, Myrtle!" the blonde sighed, pinching at her temples. "Don't 'ell me 'ere's another Myrtle zat I don't know about." Slightly miffed, Fleur turned her attention back to her father. "And in contrast to your set conditions, I wish to set a few myself. First off, I want Myrtle 'ere to receive ze same education as I. As my traveling companion, I cannot expect any less 'an the best. I desire to converse with 'er at a certain intellectual extent but I cannot do so with ze current level of 'er schooling. So, she has to accompany me 'roughout all my classes, learning what I learn and knowing what I know."

Monsieur Delacour waved his hand flippantly through the air. "Zat can be easily arranged."

"And because I know you're such a _considerate_ man, I only 'ave one more request."

"Diamonds as a farewell gift?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I only require you provide me ze benefit of a doubt, and allow any tête-à-tête with whoever I want. And yes, zis includes Bill and my sister, Gabrielle."

His jaw clenched involuntarily at the offhand mention of the Weasley's name again. Gritting his teeth and thrusting his hands into the pockets of his purple bathrobe, he painstakingly kept the contempt from shadowing his next words. "Do what you please if it gets me my desired results. By ze way, you do not 'ave ze luxury of small talk. Our pilot, John Philippe, will be waiting for you outside by ze hanger. It should only 'ake you an hour at ze most. I suggest you do not make 'im wait any longer zan necessary."

Taking his leave, his silken robes billowed dramatically out behind him as he waddled out of her room. Pausing for a moment, he stopped and thoughtfully stroked the pointed scope of his beard. "Oh and also, pack only ze necessaries. A plane can only 'ake so much." A small smirk gracing his lips, he skipped happily away with a bounce to each step he took. He didn't need to look back to confirm the staggered look on his daughter's face. _Yes, and ze Master proves he's still got it_, he thought with utter glee. So what has he done to incur such cheerfullness? _With Fleur out of ze house and Gabrielle at her slumber party, Apolline and I get ze 'ouse all to ourselves. No more disruptions! _Now, time to go down the checklist. One, did he yell at his daughter for her bad grades? Yup, check. Use the anger as a front for manipulation? Check, check, double check and off she goes to the hanger.

Of course, he did not mention any of this to his beloved elder daughter.

Figures.

As Monsieur Delacour cackled his diabolical schemes to himself, the servants scurried away after his leave, disturbed at the dark face he was giving them, and that left our two females all to themselves.

Myrtle glanced at the young mistress out of the corner of her glasses, and rolled her eyes at the bored look on the blonde's face. It was just her luck be stuck with the young heiress when she could be watching anime. _And I wanted to watch the new BL series today_, she wailed to herself. _My anime!_ Coughing loudly to shake the blonde out of her dazed reverie, Myrtle headed into Fleur's walk-in closet and lugged out a huge travel case. "Well, young mistress. You heard the Master. We must start packing your-"

"-Wait, wait. …If we're departing 'oday," the young heiress started slowly, her eyes widening comically past the point of saucers. "Where are we supposed to live for ze next four years?"

"…Crap."

**_'Meanwhile,_**** a few days later _in Japan….'_ **

"Sod off, you snakey git."

"Potter, for the twentieth time already, I am truly sorry for what occurred in our annual Christmas Ball," Tom said, clearly exhausted from being in his current kneeling position for hours at end. "I cannot possibly ask for your forgiveness and I am glad the silent treatment has dissipated, but must I endure more? I don't know what came over me and on behalf of my brother, I offer my profound apologies-"

It had been about six days—but to be punctual, it was actually six days, thirteen hours, forty-seven minutes, and point two seconds—since the incident That-Shall-Not-Be-Named transpired. Irritatingly enough, the freshman clung to his stubborn ways and refused to forgive the sophomore who unfortunately dealt the delivering blow to both their reputations.

To think the bitter vice-president would resort to begging the recently promoted club dog for forgiveness; the horror.... Not to mention the fact "Kiss-a-Holic" was recently added to Riddle's aloof status, the reputation he painstakingly cultivated these past two years had sunk low. And of course, he wouldn't be here beseeching the boy if it hadn't been under the orders of the eccentric king.

Tom groaned, shifting so that he sat on his haunches. Damn, the pain was getting to him. To make matters worse, his feet was numb and putting pressure at the soles of his feet added a whole new level of awkward sensation. Hey, it was routine for him to kneel before Harry every time the boy entered the Music Room to start his hosting duties. Worse yet, he had to stay in that position until the freshman decided to finally leave the room, leaving Tom staring sadly at where the boy once stood. He missed conversing with the boy even if all their interactions were made up of nothing more than shameless teasing.

Sentimental, much?

Harry pinned the most murderous glare he could muster up at the sophomore, ignoring the equally heated glowers directed at the back of his head. "You know, all I was aiming for was a chaste peck on the cheek, but _you_ had to force us into a liplock. And then, the situation spiraled way out of control—with a _man_, no less!"

"Again, I wish to point out the twins tripped me and that led to the liplock. I admit was acting irrational—jealous to a certain degree and damnit, I will not explain again—being your first kiss and all, but I didn't expect this to be blown out of proportion. I simply did not consider the consequences of my actions and might I mention I was not the only one who shared the same-"

"-Oh no, don't _you_ drag Haruhi into this."

Tom scowled, cutting short an exhale of indignation. "Look, you know very well I was not the only one against the kissing-"

"-Yeah, but you were the only one that caused this in the first place."

"Again, the twins. So, now for the twentieth-first time, I'd like to offer my sincere apologies for doing something so incredibly stupid that probably traumatized you for life. Please forgive this idiot in front of you, and let bygones be bygones?"

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Harry grudgingly accepted the twentieth-first try at getting back into his good graces. "Fine, fine. This is probably gonna bite me in the arse later on, but apology accepted."

Ducking his head and grumbling under his breath, Tom mumbled an almost inaudible, "Took you long enough."

"Don't get me wrong. As funny as it is to see the almighty Tom Marvolo Riddle groveling at my feet, it was getting kind of annoying." He snuck a quick peek at the sophomore's female entourage, swallowing hard at the intense looks tossed his way. _Ack,_ he thought. _Fangirls and their unshakable devotion to players._

The elder host followed his gaze, smirking faintly when his crimson gaze landed on his devoted lambs. "Aah, if my female version of the _Death Eaters_," he teased, "alarms you, then you should see Bellatrix Lestrange."

"Bellatrix?"

"An urchin so completely enamored with me that she used to stalk the outside premises of the orphanage," Tom explained, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I swear, sometimes I still see her haunting me outside the grounds of the Ohtori Mansion. She's very much like Renge, the little one."

"Uh, you know… as much as the topic of stalking interests me, I have absolutely no clue as to who you're talking about."

"Renge Hoshakuji, a girl captivated by my brother's charms," he sneered, rolling his scarlet eyes at Harry. "I don't see how come you've missed her all these months. She's like the bloody typhoon. You can't miss her."

"You mean the carrot-top I see hanging off his arm whenever I pass by the Student Office?"

Tom chuckled, "Right on the dot." Pushing himself off from the arrangement of marble tiles set into the floor, he stretched languidly, his close-fitting wife beater sliding inches up from his midriff. Instantly, eyes were glued onto the tantalizing show of skin and many mouths watered. It didn't help that the man chose to slip on a pair of low-rise, elegantly cut satin trousers barely hanging off the jut of his hips.

Tugging nervously at his starched collar, Harry quickly averted his gaze anywhere but at the club's vice-president. Hearing a satisfied purr coming from the other's throat, Harry looked back curiously and instantly regretted it. Great, the man was smirking _at him_ now.

Smug bastard.

**'And as time skips forward, our two Frenchwomen find themselves in Japan, right in the heart of the St. Lobelia Girl's Academy, _an all-girls' boarding school_.'**

"…And yeah, this school is pretty amazing but I doubt it can match the widely acclaimed Beauxbatons," Senior Rin Hitokiri concluded, finally coming to a halt in the school courtyards. The fourth-year undergraduate was a rather attractive African American girl, her mocha colored skin an exotic and welcome discrepancy to eyes tired of uniformity. Blushing and embarrassed from the compliments, her deep set of brown eyes had darkened to the point of black when Fleur had fretted over her, praising the senior for the softness of her curled midnight tresses.

Fleur sent a silent scoff at her words, eyeing the school grounds of the institution with transparent dislike. _The founders of St. Lobelia must have a fixation for Persian blue_, she mentally concluded, staring up at the lush greenery decorating the rims of the water fountain. Everywhere she went, the white sheen of the tiles greeted her vision and the whiff of various feminine perfumes decorating the blue-tinted halls brought new waves of nausea. "I concur, she said dryly.

Myrtle moaned, scrubbing her hands over her face. "And to think I'd be used to wearing weird clothes. But ick…." Pointing at the burgundy knee-length pleated skirt she had been forced to put on, she hurled a pout at her mistress equally sharing in the chagrin.

Fleur rolled her eyes and gave an affirmative nod of her head. Holding in her breath from the scent of traveling strong fragrance, she mirrored Myrtle's action, only she was far more violent with each downward plunge. "You know, I 'old rather 'igh regard when concerning ze Asian-fusion 'rend. I just 'appen to share ze same sentiments of 'ow 'ighly ridiculous zis uniform is."

Before she headed to the academy, she threw on the same standardized uniform she had been given upon arrival in the foreign state. Like Myrtle, the upper part of her clothing consisted of a sailor-style collar that ran down and melded with the sheer white of the silken blouse. Laced through a barely discernible loop attached to the blouse, a latte-tinted ribbon with splayed ends resembling that of a rippling butterfly was tied in the front, nestling in the center of her breasts.

Their student guide examined the offending garment with amusement, poking the skirt and laughing softly at the flabbergasted look gracing the blonde's face. Grinning, she playfully slapped the foreign-exchange student on the arm. "Oh yeah, the _seifuku_. I know the uniform looks Sailor Moon-ish, but you have to bear with it as long as you're stuck here. And don't complain about the color. Unlike me and my friend Myrtle here, the color does wonders for _your_ fair complexion!"

**_'St. Lobelia Girl's Academy…. It is truly a woman's paradise. Boasting _****over_ thirty years _of_ history, it is a gathering of maidens, by maidens and for maidens.'_**

Peeping over her shoulder and affirming they were out of range for potential eavesdroppers, she crooked a finger, signaling for the two transfer students to lean in. Warily, the two did just so to satisfy the tendencies of their curious natures. "Alright, you're probably going to think I sound crazy but trust me, this school is pretty whacked," Rin warned, her hand in near proximity next to her lips. "Sooner of later, you're gonna meet the school's three princesses."

Fleur raised an elegant brow, tilting her head to a side. "Princesses… ze academy admits genuine sovereigns?"

"Tch, no. I don't know if you're the type to freak out about this, and I really hope you aren't since they're really nice people, but they're a bunch of… you know." Rin looked over her shoulder again and lowering her voice below a whisper, she mumbled, "The 'L' word."

Myrtle's ears perked, her face taking on a flushed tone. Eager, she stammered breathlessly, "You mean… lilies? As in a shoujo-ai, girl on girl live-action?"

"…If you mean total eccentric lesbos, then yeah."

Fleur cast a coy smirk at the exotic senior. "Oh,_ lesbiennes_? It is to be expected since zis is an _all-girls'_ boarding school." _Heh_, she giggled, rocking back on the balls of her feet. Her father had kept a tight leach on her when concerning her selection of friends, so she had been ordered not to make any friends except those that he approved—and women who loved those of the same sex were far from those he approved of. But since she was in a school inhabitated by the crowd he disapproved of, this meant her father didn't know and if he didn't know, that meant she could do whatever she wanted. Without her father here to keep monitor on who she befriends, she could choose who she wanted to hang out with and she looked forward to that. _I bet Bill would get a kick out of zis if 'e was 'ere._

"Um, you don't understand. When I mean 'total eccentric lesbos'... I mean, total ECCENTRIC lesbians. Trust me, since you're the newest transfer student this late in the school year—and we don't get a lot of foreign exchange students—I'm giving you a heads-up before you eventually meet one of the crazies. All the girls you've seen so far can't compare to the three we have at school, and these three are like hardcore feminists with a plastic Barbie-doll disorder. The others are nice, but I advise you to steer clear of these three. Now, there's the Lady of the Daisy, Hinako, the youngest member of the club's leading council; the Lady of the Lily, Chizuru, the vice; and the worst of the bunch is the Lady of the Red Rose-"

**_'With benevolence and virtue as their motto, the school seeks to make young ladies out of girls_****. However, those who hold this secret kingdom is not the headmistress but rather _the reigning force on campus _would be the_….'_**

Out of the blue, the tooting of a shrill whistle sounded and the blasting of drums that accompanied the deafening noise didn't cease to stop the young heiress's exasperation. A voice shouted, "Make way, make way! Let Lady Benibara through."

"-BENIO AMAKUSA," Rin finished, roaring over the noise.

The drums built up in tempo, beating away at a frenzied pace as a lone figure came to view. Sighs and girlish squeals rang in the blonde's ears, each echoing loudly as the persistent twittering came nonstop. Swiveling her head, Fleur growled at the commotion, suppressing the urge to call for silence. Just great, a pounding migraine had now joined her homesickness.

Myrtle stuffed her fingers in her ears, fruitlessly trying to block the clamor. "...WHAT IS UP WITH THE RACKET?"

"IT'S THEIR FANCLUB!"

"WHAT?" she screamed.

She yelled back, "THE FANCLUB!"

"Hold up, girls!" cried a girl in a T-shirt emblazoned with the dialect "Master Benibara's Guardian Club Official" running across the small of her back, and prevented the horde of screaming girls from advancing further. "Hey, you! No breaking ranks! Everyone, keep to your rows. Lady Benibara wants a look-see at the new exchange students!"

"My, my girls. You all look delectable as always." A soft-spoken yet authoritative voice spoke up, cutting through the piercing shrieks like a dash of cold water. Immediately, all the girls parted from the middle, each dashing to a side to make way for the voice. The girls in the front of newly-formational rows sank to their knees, staring up at the approaching figure with admiration reflecting their reddening faces.

A towering brunette came into the trio's line of vision, an attractive female amidst the flood of maidens. Xanadu eyes shifting left and right, Benio smiled at her adoring fans, flicking her long side bangs skillfully in a grand display of splendor. Squeals ensued in reaction and two very confused set of eyes followed her footsteps. Coming to a stop, she beamed at the Frenchwomen, her arms swept to take a flourished bow. "Beautiful maidens, I welcome you to St. Lobelia. I presume you are our new transfers?"

**_'…The White Lily Society_**** or what is _commonly known as the Zuka Club_, an association formed by _young ladies_ for the lilies blooming amongst the Garden of Eden.'**

Remembering her manners, Fleur curtsied in response, nudging her maid hard in the ribs. Myrtle gave a small yelp and she scrambled to do the same—albeit clumsily. The heiress murmured, "No need to greet us, mademoiselle, 'ough we do appreciate ze sentiment."

Eyes twinkling, Benio nodded, appraising the fair beauty before her. "And I see you are French. Despite the thick enunciation, I must commend you for your fluency in Japanese." Once again, she bowed courteously and this time, took Fleur's hand. Studying her with dark, probing eyes, blue stared back into gray as the school's biggest It-girl sized up her competition.

At last something seemed to satisfy the brunette as her head bowed down and swiftly, she placed a chaste kiss at the young heiress's hand.

_…Merde. _

Shrieks of jealously soon followed.

Myrtle stared openly, slack-jawed at the sheer audacity of the other. _Ohhhhhh my goooosh_, the fan girl side of her musically squealed. _Yuri! _Eager to share the news, she turned to look for Rin only to find their student guide had disappeared._ …Huh, where did she go?_

"My dear maiden," Benio said, unaware the said maiden looked ready to commit murder. "Your beauty exudes such exquisiteness, your radiance becoming! Oh, should lightening strike me where I lay at this moment, I shall die a happy woman. But fear not, I shall wait for you at the doors of paradise, free to envelope you in my arms and continue our rendezvous in the afterlife."

Fleur's right eye twitched violently at the gesture. Quickly, she hid the spasm behind the hand she wrenched out of the other's grip, twittering politely at the words of the Zuka Club President. The brunette's lines seemed so rehearsed and truth be told, it made her stomach nauseous. Plastering on a forced smile, she painstakingly replied, "Merci, mademoiselle… Benibara? Fret not; ze wrath of paradise is far too busy to send you to your early grave."

Like how she did it back in France, she averted her eyes from the blinding smile. Hopefully, the female president took the hint that the young heiress was not interested and they would leave it at that.

Ecstatic at the atypical reaction, Benio could have clapped her hands together in utter glee but refrained from doing so as it was not dignified. Finally, a challenge! "Please, _Benio_, my sweet maiden. For you, you may call me by my given name." Outraged protests ensued, but she paid no heed to the clamor. "Truly, we are blessed with your admittance. Aah, quel belle sourit. Et la seule chose que tes yeux ne me disent pas, c'est ton nom."

Fleur gave a tight-lipped smile. If this was what their guide had meant, then eccentric lesbian indeed."…Thank you for complimenting my smile, Benio. I am Fleur Delacour and before you ask, no, I am _not_ interested. Certainly you are rather charming, but I already 'ave a boyfriend and I must refuse."

Benio's eyes widened tremendously, and she backed away with quickened fervor until her elbows bumped against her nearest fan in sight. Her lipstick smeared lips quivering in a dejected manner, she made odd choking noises at the back of her throat. Her hand trembling as she lifted it up with difficulty to point at the newcomer, she stammered, "B-b-b-b-boyfriend? …As in those abhorrent, egotistical brutes with absolute uncongenial, beastly behavior and burr? You are DATING a lower life form with several qualms to see WOMEN on equal terms?!"

"Désolé, Benio, Bill is not like zat." A frown made its way down the blonde's lips. "Right, Myrtle?"

Myrtle nodded ecstatically at the mention of her name. "Bill is actually pretty nice… he's like a real-life Ichigo Kurosaki from _Bleach_. He looks tough on the outside but he's a total Daisuke Niwa on the in, but way hotter and with longer hair."

No one bothered to mention they didn't understand a word uttered from the girl's mouth except for the devote anime fans. But, all the recognition was cut short by the wails belonging to the countless number of females. The brunette just stood there, looking ready to faint at any moment with her ashen visage and puckered brow.

"B-but… a man?" Benio said in disbelief, producing a handkerchief to dab at the corner of her eyes. She turned her head to stare down at a random girl from the crowd, both sharing equally mortified looks. "My dear, he has brainwashed you! Men are simply lower life forms who pretend to be chivalrous by saying those saccharine words in their own ineptitude to ensnare our fragile hearts. Am I right or am I _right_, maidens?"

"RIGHT," the girls chorused.

"I see you all are very acrimonious individuals indeed," Fleur said wryly, ignoring the aghast looks directed her way. "Now, see 'ere-"

"-**YOUR LADYSHIP! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE WEARING NOTHING BUT A GARTER BELT?!**" screeched a voice that sounded suspiciously like a certain senior, and many heads punctually twisted around in vain to search for the alleged sight. It was not uncanny for their unconventional principal to do something out of the ordinary, and no one would put it past her to pull such a stunt. Nonetheless, all wanted to catch a glimpse of the picturesque woman in skimpy clothing.

While the St. Lobelia students were frantically looking around for their headmistress, the senior quickly snuck to the transfers' side, tapping them lightly on the shoulder. The Frenchwomen jumped, quickly smothering their startled cries as Rin winked, placing a finger on her lips as an indication for silence. Motioning for them to follow, she scurried away from the frenetic crowd.

Soon, the trio found themselves outside of the academy gates where Rin came to a sudden halt, causing the two to collide against her back. Rin simply smirked, shaking her head. "See, what did I tell you? Total eccentric lesbos, huh?"

"A whole crowd of them," Myrtle quipped. "Hey, is Lobelia a secret rendition for lesbians because I don't think I've seen a single straight woman around here. And where are you taking us?"

"To tell you the truth… I get sick of being around them sometimes," she said, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "They're cool and all out of school, but here... they can be a bit bizarre and switch from a nice, docile kid to someone ready to go on a manhunt. So whenever I get the inkling to see some men, I sneak out of the school. All and all, you guys are pretty much free for the rest of the day. I've already shown you around the school, and I don't think you want to go back and experience the whole 'men-are-awful' ignominy again. And, oh yeah, Fleur, way to tell off the school's biggest flirt."

"Merci," she said, inclining her head in token of gratitude. "I must admit, zis is ze first 'ime I've seen zis much lesbians in an all-girls' academy."

"Tch, Lobelia is _waaaaay_ different from the ones you've probably been exposed to."

Myrtle huffed, not liking it one bit at being ignored, and repeated, "Where are you taking us?"

"To see some eye-candy before you get subjected to men deprivation. But I think you might get a heart attack when you first see them, so here goes. There's Mori…."

'**_The Host Club members_** **welcome you to today's main course—a selection tactfully chosen by the Shadow King himself. Being granted permission, our delectable hotties have donned an array of clothing set to tempt and entice your senses.'**

"Umm, upperclassman Tamaki?" a girl tentatively began, twiddling her thumbs and shyly looking down in her lap. "What made you decide to wear… um," she broke off, too embarrassed to even finish her sentence.

"So as to be pleasing in your eyes."

One blurted, "You're hot!"

"It pales in comparison to your radiance," he crooned, sweeping tapered fingers through his tumbled blond hair.

For today's apparel, a black vest was slipped over his shoulders, effortlessly melding into his silhouette and leaving his arms deliciously bare. Underneath the open vest was a sleeveless taupe muscle shirt and earlier, under watchful eyes, he had shimmied into white trousers completed with a glossy black alligator belt that looped snugly around his slim waist. Truth be told, he looked just like a male model coming right from the photo shoot financed by a well-known fashion industry.

"So," another began coyly, "how come you're so beautiful?"

He tilted his head and cocked an elegant eyebrow, appearing as if he found the question a little puzzling. Leaning in encouragingly, he breathlessly whispered, "How could I not? My body was designed to be pleasing to your eyes, and yours alone."

A girl twittered, "And why is your voice so… sexy?" She twirled a strand of her cinnamon-shaded hair and found it so fascinating she averted the king's steamy gaze.

"So my passion may reach the depths of your heart."

**_'Lineage first, money second… that's the order of precedence in the high school division of Ouran institute, where the host is the main luxuriant recreational club.'_**

_At least he gets points for his originality, _Harry contemplated to himself, staring from across the room at the interaction between a king and his swooning patrons.

The ladiesman spotted the freshman gazing at him disapprovingly and in good spirits, he cheerfully waved to Harry, misinterpreting the air the latter emitted. Then in a lighthearted manner, Tamaki beckoned the new recruit over with a cherubic look of innocence fixed in his wide-set eyes. Rolling his eyes, Harry grinned and nonchalantly flipped him off, stubbornly staying where he was—with Tom rubbing soothing circles on his back while entertaining both their regulars.

Going with today's theme, the lights of the Music Room had been dimmed and energetic hip music blasted from invisible speakers tucked somewhere in the area. Heeding to the blonde's instructions, the twins had reluctantly turned the volume down so that it wasn't such a hassle to overhear and make small talk. To give a more exotic vibe, songs from American bands were played rather than those of the latest Asian music artists. On the right—the space occupied by the British foreigners and the twins—neon blue spotlights coursed over their bodies, illuminating the hard planes of their figure. And to the left, hues of pink and purple cast a glow on the two juniors, and the one and only sophomore.

Since he was the apple in Tamaki's eyes—Harry had rolled his eyes when the twins cracked the not-so-funny joke—he had been specifically instructed to wear the pre-ordered assemble flown in from the most recent New York's Fashion Week. Out of all the hosts, he was given the special treatment— à la mode scrutiny of how he fit into chic menswear and strict supervision in the changing rooms. Practically eager to showcase her collection in a foreign country, the up and coming designer Hermione Jean Granger—mostly known for starring as Emma Puckle in _Hogwarts: the Movie_—shipped an entire rack of her menswear compilation immediately after being phoned. It took only a mere half a day for the collection to land in Japan to be carted off to Ouran High.

Harry glanced down at his obligatory apparel he had been forced into and grimaced at its complete scantiness. It didn't really help that his clothing was far tighter than everyone else's. A dark, evergreen sleeveless turtleneck hugged his torso, stretched tightly across his chest and spread loosely at the bottom. Skinny leather pants were swathed around his legs, the black material wrapped snugly at his calves and thighs. A red wristband decorated with silver orbs hung from his wrists and at the end of his feet, he wore peep-toe platform boots.

Lifted from the obscurity of hazy recollections was a memory, clear as a bell, of Remus shifting him on a knee, briefly taking the chance to educate him on gentlemanly protocol before Sirius intervened. One of their lessons seemed to fit his current situation—at the same time, it also didn't fit—and he wasn't all to happy about it. Wordlesslymouthing the exact terminology his godfather dearly departed to him, he muttered crossly, "Ladies walk on the inside of the street and hookers walk on the outside of the road."

"What was that? Is something the matter, Potter?" Tom's velvety voice cut through his reverie and almost as if a blanket had been lifted from his eyes, he came back to reality. Crimson eyes gazed curiously into verdant ones. "You don't seem too tight."

"Ugh, sorry. It's just these clothes… it really constricts your breathing, you know?"

He eyed him with concern but the shorter man waved him off, and he relaxed. Rolling his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug, Tom replied, "Well, don't wear yourself out. You are our newest addition to the team and it's easy to get tired at this stage. Our policy to flaunt the newcomer so we get a decent idea as to who you attract and unfortunately, your type comes and goes. Oh, and do you mind serving the ladies over at the Hitachin table? They look a bit haggard."

Harry sighed, slowly getting up to his feet. "Sure thing. Do I have to do anything besides asking what they would like to drink?"

"Not particularly unless you want to risk stealing their girls," he said coolly, smiling at the girl trying to engage him in mindless conversation. "I must warn you though, should the twins throw a fit, you are held responsible for all potential damages."

"Right, gotcha. So stealing customers is a big no-no."

**_'To be feted in a garden _****overflowing_ with handsome men who _emits piquant cologne that subtly exudes masculinity, each tailored and designed to set the mood for romance._'_**

"Oh my, what's that fragrance? It smells great!"

Hikaru grinned, leaning his chin against the palm of his hand. "It's _Acqua Di Gio_ by Giorgio Armani. Miss Granger thoughtfully packed these cool hoards of cologne with the clothes, and we like this scent. It's spicy, fruity, and it gives off this sophisticated yet rebellious vibe."

Chosen from the rack of imported clothing, Hikaru selected a white denim shirt with green strips running down the sides of his torso and his rolled up sleeves, the shirt layering the rainbow-lined tank underneath. A black and white checkerboard-patterned scarf with fringes decorating the hem was draped over his shoulders, almost cutting off the Granger-brand printed audaciously on the back of his shirt. Tanned, loose-fitting cargo pants flowed along his legs and at the cut, multicolored basketball shoes decorated his feet. Three bands and a silver chain ran across his wrists, each building up in darker shades.

The girl with chestnut tresses clapped her hands in delight. "That sounds just like you! Classy yet sporty!"

"Aw shucks, thanks. Besides, how do you like the theme of the day?" he angled his head towards the younger brother, his gaze focused on fiddling with the hem of his white shirt. "It's pretty wicked, huh?"

Kaoru aimed an awkward grin in return, running a hand through his spiked hair. Unlike his twin, he chose a far simpler design consisting of a simple, white dress shirt and elegantly cut black trousers flaring at where his ankles should be. Silver clip-on earrings were attached to his ears and adorning his slender neck was a long silver necklace made up of many chains. On his feet, he wore multicolored converse sneakers, comfortable yet reputed to be tasteful on the go. The younger sibling cuddled closer to the eldest, gazing softly at their flock of compliant females. "To tell you the truth, Hikaru, I'm kinda jealous. Sure the nightclub trend is cool but," he bit his lip, dejectedly lowering his head. "What if someone catches your eye? Nightclubs are known for many celebrity hook-ups and I don't want to lose you. That'll mean I'm no longer needed."

Hikaru's gaze softened and he reached out to lay a hand on top of his brother's. "Hush, my sweet. Trust me, in my eyes, you'll always be my number one."

"It doesn't really work when you act like Grade 'A' bona fide players," Harry mumbled under his breath, slipping a glass of sparkling water onto their table. The cubes of frozen water clinked against the rim of the crystal flute, just as loud as when he placed the glass of fizzing water down. A few girls noticed this and thanked him to which he shyly responded back to while most ignored his presence altogether, fancying on focusing on the lovey-dovey presentation instead of him.

"…So Tama-chan sprayed on _Kenneth Cole Reaction_—that's where the melon and apple smell's coming from—and they made me put on the _Armani Code_ cologne!" Hunny beamed, enthusiastically swinging his legs back and forth from his perch on Mori's knee.

Like all others, he traded his blazer in exchange for a white tee and hooded knee-length windbreaker thrown on top of a black V-neck hoodie layering the white shirt. Genuine fur decorated the outside rim of his collar and wrapped around the junior's shoulders, providing him warmth from the frigid air cast from the air conditioner. Traveling downwards, he wore plaid-patterned shorts—the red edging barely reaching the end of his kneecaps—and on his feet, he wore black plimsoll sneakers.

"It smells amazing," his girls assured him, fussing over the cute lolicon. The third-year looked just adorable in his new attire—the mere epitome of what you would label as devilishly cute. "And it fits you… but why does it smell like baby powder and vanilla?"

Hunny sniffed and asked cautiously, "You don't like it?"

"No, no! Baby powder is in! It's definitely good on you!"

"Thank you," he said happily. Clapping his hands, he chirped, "Oh, oh! Can you guess which cologne Takeshi has on?"

A blonde hesitated, staring at the tall upperclassman with half-lidded eyes. "I'm not sure… but it smells something masculine and rich. It makes me wanna eat him up. It reminds me of a blend of lavender, spice and… tobacco?"

Mori suppressed a shudder at the breathless tone she took, her eyes glazed over with want. He managed an awkward smile, shifting his cousin's weight on his legs. Today he sported a sleeveless, brown-bison feather-down jacket made of nylon parted down in the middle, and a white undershirt with the words "Siberian Husky" printed in block letters across his chest. He wore black track pants with white piping running down the side of his sturdy legs. "It's _Dolce and Gabbana_," he finally mumbled, albeit stiffly.

"Kya, he talked!"

"Oh my gosh, my boyfriend uses the same brand!"

"It's not half bad. Granted, Riddle's smells like sex on toast—oh my gosh, don't you love that saying?—and Harry's a whiff of fresh air, but I'd like to know the price of yours, upperclassman Mori."

Tamaki chose at this time to intervene, his clients watching him from the sidelines in adoration. He bounded from his seat, bowing charmingly before the clients that weren't his. Purple tints of the arranged lighting swathed him, casting a glow upon his figure. Leaning against the occupied divan, he murmured, "My dear princesses, I assure you the cost is meager as compared to your beauty. You can't put a price on such exquisiteness, but you can on trivial matters. If you must know, we got these as a token of thanks, courtesy of Miss Hermione Granger. However, I had Riddle-san dig up the rates and he estimated the value to be worth seventy-six euros via Internet."

The girl looked awfully appalled. "Seventy-six? But that's far too cheap for men's perfume!"

Bewildered, Harry gawked at the occupants, his jaw nearly hanging open in incredulity. He couldn't help but overhear their conversation despite being a few feet away. _Seventy-six_ _euros_, he thought disbelievingly. _That's freaking expensive… not to mention when you do the math and add in all the hosts, it would total… dang, almost seven-hundred sixty US dollars! YOU CALL THAT CHEAP, YOU FRIGGIN' RICH PEOPLE?!_

"Like what our founding fathers said, you can't put a price on beauty," he spoke up haughtily, randomly striking a pose while his hands ran through his golden tresses. His sweat glittered from the effect of the spotlight, like beads of purple and pink. His voice lowering as if parting classified information, he breathed, "But I heard that commoners couldn't even afford to pay within that price range."

Many heads swiveled to stare at the one and only commoner for verification. Even the other hosts paused in their conversation, curious at how the scholarship student, unanimously known for being one of the poor would respond. Harry just chuckled nervously, sweating under their gaze.

"I… wouldn't know? It varies with each person."

Tamaki looked slightly put-out by his answer while everyone else nodded absently, following the flow before returning to their activities. Hunny opened his mouth to question him further, but Tamaki slapped a hand over the junior's mouth. Shaking his head ferociously,the blonde harshly whispered, "Hush, upperclassman Hunny! If Harry says it varies, then it varies! Don't argue with him! It's a common folks' thing, okay?"

"I can hear you, you know?"_ I may be ignorant of what you people are accustomed to, but I'm not tone-deaf. It's like explaining color to a blind person. Somehow, I feel like I'm getting dumber aqnd dumber each second I'm stuck here._

**_'Someone once said 'Misfortune always befalls you when you least expect it….''_**

"Oi, Harry," Hikaru suddenly called, weaving his fingers through his brother's. "So just about how many girls have you scored so far?"

It was near closing time, and most of the girls were already starting to head off to their next classes. Of course, being the Host Club, all seven members attended their classes at an earlier time and so, did not have to be present for the periods after Leisure Period. In normality, Ouran students had seven mandatory courses to take—each being split evenly to fit in Homeroom, Snack, and Lunch. Leisure Period in Ouran could be counted as those three breaks, or as an elective class.

When the Host Club was still in its development phase, the blonde had devised a plan that he struck with the Headmaster. All the hosts would attend their classes two hours prior the bell schedule and thereby skipping Homeroom (or what is known as "Period 0" to some students) in favor of attending their classes with no breaks at all. Callous, true, but this way they would have four periods to themselves, free to do whatever they want under the guise of club activities. But of course, this meant getting up at four in the morning everyday and staying hours after for those who had "Afterschool Activities" or chose to stay after school to visit their club. To put it simply, it was a hassle for Harry to convert to this outrageous schedule. That was why each host alternated, so one lucky student got to go behind the scenes and finish half of his assignments for the allotted hour while the remaining hosts served the ladies (and a few men). This way, each host would have less homework to finish at home and more time to study for upcoming exams.

All the hosts were gathered around the Hitachin table, each drawing up a chair to sit on. The roundtable—manufactured from solid oak and black trimming embellishing the rounded edges—was immense, wide enough for the seven men and a throng of girls to gather round without invading anyone's personal space. No one bothered to turn back on the lights and because of the twins' whining, the radio was left alone. _Chelsea Dagger_ by the Fratellis was now being played, but no one paid attention to the lyrics being sung by the singer's coarse lilt.

Kaoru cast a disapproving frown at his brother. "Hikaru, don't say it like that!"

"What, it's true!"

"You do know there are girls here, right?" Harry deadpanned, pointing to some of the upset girls that chose to remain in the room. "Sorry guys. What I think that buffoon meant to say was how many clients I have so far. Now, to answer your stupid question, I think it's somewhere in the twenties if you exclude a certain some."

The president of the club _tsk_ed, drumming his fingers on the countertop of the roundtable. "You still have ways to go, even if you got your debt reduced by a third, Harry."

"Now, whose bright idea was this in the first place? You do know there are only like… what, about four-thousand, three-hundred fifty-four students with barley a third being female?"

"Yeah, so getting four hundred girls should be a cinch!"

"You friggin' crazy? You'd have to be graced by God and be a total bona fide player just to be able to score that much!"

The blonde snorted, waving his hand through the air frivolously. "Easy, I could do that in my sleep!"

"…So you weren't serious about Haruhi, huh?"

Tamaki gave a brusque jolt, leaping back from his seat and spluttering piteously. "W-what? No, I… Haruhi!" he wailed, clutching at his hair. He sniffed loudly, reaching out to grab the cynical freshman by the shoulders. "Son, forgive your Daddy! Daddy has cheated on your Mother!"

"If you cheated on her… then why are you telling me this?"

Snickers panned out as the sophomore discharged a distraught gasp, almost instantaneously reverting back to his habit of corner hopping. This time, long ago prepared and ready to go, he had grabbed a cardboard cutout of dark, roiling clouds colored in with markers from a nearby desk, and taped it to the wall adjacent to his corner to add to his picture of melancholy. The girls clucked their tongues, apathetic at the scene. Really, his dramatics were becoming a daily occurrence—an annoyance, really coming from the opinions of those who could care less of the frivolous sap. Those that did considered this side of Tamaki charming and delightfully brooding.

"Err, I didn't mean it that way. I mean, it's good to get it off your chest-oh, why the hell are you giving me 'the _look_' now? …Seriously, quit it. Hey, at least I'm not the one who admitted to two-timing."

The blonde gave a pitiful, crestfallen look before he turned his head away, facing the wall and muttering to himself.

Hikaru grinned after a short period of laughing his ass off, wiping a tear from the corner of his golden-hazel eyes. Patting his fellow freshman on the back in good nature, he drew closer and slung an arm over the other's shoulder, disregarding the verdant irises eyeing him guardedly. Suggestively wiggling the two of his maroon eyebrows, he spoke, "So after the affair broke out, what happened to your lover boy?"

"My… what?" Harry asked, flustered and taken completely aback. _What the heck are you on now?_

"I think our wittle student council pres has a crush on you," he replied in a sickly sweet sing-song voice that made Harry's blood run cold.

Kaoru quipped, "The same could be said of Riddle. Why kid, I never knew you were such a player!"

"What the heck, man?" He sent a disgusted look at the two, scoffing and flipping them the bird. "You know very well I don't swing that way. Not that I give a damn about seeing two men kiss and hug, I'd just prefer if it wasn't me. Plus, what happened between Kyoya and I was an accident. I repeat, an _accident_! And yeah, Tom hits on me but he's just teasing."

Tom shot him an incredulous look that went unheeded by the freshman.

"…And you're an idiot," the twins said bluntly, staring at their scholarship student in disbelief.

"Geez, what's with the sudden inquiry? It's not like we're gay that way for each other unlike you two."

Tamaki took it upon himself to swoop in, driving the redhead back and slinging an arm around the freshman's shoulders. Harry found himself staring at the offending limb, disconcerted on how quickly the Host Club president sprung back from his doom and gloom. Furthermore, everyone seemed keen on throwing their arms around his shoulders and he was getting peeved."The first step is always denial. Don't worry, Harry. Everyone here is open to all sorts of scandalous relationships usually frowned upon in today's society. Why, just take a look at these two!" He motioned to the two redheads steadily gazing back at him in renewed interest, smiling as they shook their fist threateningly. "It's both homosexual _and_ incest!"

"Honestly, Suoh, have you gone mental?"

Again went the king and his corner. Harry heaved a perturbed sigh, ramming his hands into the pockets of his tight leather trousers. "Okay, now that was a bit harsh. I didn't mean it that way, King."

Tamaki paused in his sniveling, gradually turning his head back to face the suddenly self-conscious teen. Eyes red and watery, he mumbled, "What… did… you… just… call… me?"

The freshman pulled a face, grimacing as he slipped a hand under his high-raised collar to rub the back of his neck. The look that the blonde was directing in his way creeped him out, sending shivers down his spine. Piqued at the seemingly harmless query, he hesitantly responded, "Err, wasn't that what you told me to call you by? If it disturbs you, I'll stop-"

"KIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNG," Tamaki all but sang gleefully, thrilled at being called such a title willingly. Gaily, he waltzed around the music room, singing the word like a broken-record. "King, Kiiing, Kiinnnng, Kiiinnnnng."

Harry arched a high brow, his lips quirked in a suspended laugh. "And I see you're happy by my calling you 'King'."

"KIIIIINNNNG!"

"But I think we get it already. You can quit it now."

"Potter, leave the idiot to himself," Tom pressed, poking the younger man in the arm. He winced as their blonde shrilled at the top of his lungs, sending the ladies jumping. "Whatever makes him happy makes his clients happy thereby making me happy. You have admit it's kind of funny seeing him act this way."

"I guess so. I just wish he'd stop warbling because he's going to burst my eardrums."

Hunny tapped his chin thoughtfully, happily snuggling back into Mori's lap. "Are we gonna videotape this and post it on our blog?"

Their interest perking at the offered insinuation, the two redheads turned to face each other and shared increasing grins in return. They were excited to begin Operation Playtime, their favorite entertainment to pursue in throes of monotony. Exchanging mischievous amber gazes, the two abruptly stood up, their chairs scooted back and screeching in wooden protest. Hikaru beamed, "Hey, Kaoru?"

"Right. I'll go get the camcorder."

"As you can see, our school has gone through recent renovation. Each and every one of the designers put in an effort to give Ouran a unique appeal not found anywhere else but here." Kyoya said, gesturing at the structured pillars decorating the halls.

"Everything's so… pink," Myrtle said slowly, glancing at the all-around interior of the north corridor. "I mean, this even gives Lobelia taste as compared to this."

"Not a fan of the particular shade, I see," he noted, smiling slightly. "And might I inquire why you harbor such… displeasure?"

Myrtle huffed, "It's just… ugh, pink. Back at the young mistress's school, there wasn't a pink in sight! Besides, you'll never catch me in pink! Did you know what people used to call me behind my back when I first wore that color? Fat Myrtle! Ugly Myrtle! Miserable, moaning, moping Myrtle!"

"I see," he said unsympathetically, not at all seeing and instead focusing on the silent blonde by her side. "Forgive me for intruding, but why is it that I found two Lobelia students roaming our school grounds? From what I gather, St. Lobelia is far from Ouran High—at least, an hour drive. Shouldn't you be attending your sixth period?"

"We're new so we don't have classes yet. So Rin offered to show us around before she dropped us off, but she had to ditch and settle down the crowd. If she didn't, we would have to face a mob of angry lesbians ready to lynch us when we came back. By the way, what's up with these yellow armbands?"

"A school regulation, I'm afraid. All visitors who aren't our students have to wear the armbands around campus."

"Pft," Myrtle simply said, tugging on a limp ponytail. "Well, at least it ain't pink. Hey, in the courtyard, who was the carrot-top hanging off your arm? She your girlfriend?"

Aghast, he gave an indignant squeak at her presumptuous theory as he came to a grinding halt, causing the two to bump into his back. "I assure you, she… is… NOT… my… girlfriend. Our relationship is strictly professional!"

"Right… and I'm secretly voice-dubbing Hikari Hanazono from _Special A_—which I'm not! If she's not your girlfriend, then who is? Come on, you're like a real-life megane bishonen! Who wouldn't want to date you? If you grew out your hair, I bet you would look like a total Shoei Jinnai!"

The acting Student Council President raised an eyebrow, giving her the impression of being more than slightly intrigued. "_Desire Climax_?"

"Oh… heh. Yeah, smut. Wait, why do you even know it's from…. Don't tell me, you secretly read smutty manga in your free time! Eh, why you perverted sonofa-"

"-I only happened to come upon the manga since Renge was reading it instead of doing her duties as our historian. It was only fair that I take possession of said distraction before it further hindered her from doing her job."

"Sure, sure," she said skeptically yet proud that she unearthed a dirty secret from the bishonen in front of her. "If it makes you happy to think so, then by all means say it was in just confiscation."

"I believe you earlier expressed your wish to see the Host Club?" he hastily changed the topic, ignoring the way her lips curved up wickedly upon his dodge.

"Well, our student guide said we should scope out the place before committing ourselves to four years of not being able to see the opposite sex. She also said there were six handsome students who could charm the ice off a glacier."

"Seven," he corrected. "They have just recently sought out another."

"Cool. Now, going back to our earlier topic, why don't you have a girlfriend? You're hot, look physically fit, not at all anti-social, interesting, and you definitely have the smarts. In short, you're perfect! You can't be telling me you're single!"

He ducked his head, smiling nervously. _Well, at least we're not talking about the questionable confiscation now._ "Why, yes. That's what I'm situating. As you know, the life of a high school student is rather hectic and therefore, I cannot waste anytime on such frivolous matters. My significant other should be someone I can trust with my life, but I can only commence the search when my education is done and out of the way. I plan on dating though when I get into graduate or postgraduate school."

"In short, you're a romantic," Myrtle concluded, sidling up to his side. "Aww, that's so sweet. I like that in a man."

"...I'm glad you find me so," he said reservedly, eyeing her current proximity but choosing instead of speaking out in favor of ignoring her sudden clinginess—nevermind that it was the same arm his historian had clung to before their encounter at the courtyards. "Like I mentioned before, dating is out of the option until I can find a better time for such activities. I wouldn't want to receive less than a satisfactory relationship and in the end, learning the years of courting had been all for naught."

"You seem to 'ave a fixed mind on who you would want to marry," Fleur brought up, the first conversation she had in awhile upon arrival at the Ouran gates. "Surely you must 'ave someone, anyone, in mind?"

He gave a start at the French lilt that came with her unexpected pique. It took him awhile for his mind to comprehend and shift through the heavily-accented Japanese. "No… not particularly, no. Of all the females I've encountered so far, I find most of high maintenance and an effort to make light conversation with on a far more personal level."

"So you _have_ dated," Myrtle pressed, poking a finger at his chest. She batted her lashes in what she considered flirtatiously, toying with the third button on his royal blue blazer, and it took all his willpower not to recoil at her actions.

"No, I'd simply stated I haven't met my ideal candidate. I had not once been on a date ever since my father arranged an engagement between me and the daughter of an associate."

"So who's your dream girl?"

"Let's save that topic for another time, shall we?" he said, coming close to gritting his teeth. Since when did their conversation turn to him? "We've reached our desired destination."

"Ooh, goodie. Although I bet they wouldn't look half as good as you-"

He calmly interjected, "You might be surprised." Though it killed his pride to admit so, he was all but willing to admit to his insufficiencies if it meant getting the girl off his back and out of his love life. Honestly though, Renge was bad enough but _two_ otakus? Placing a hand on a gilded door handle, he was about to give a pull when something—he was faintly reminded of an outrageous maniac he knew all too well stirring and prodding the apex of his mind—gave a shout, causing him to wrench his hand away from the knob.

_What the-?_

"…iiinnnnng."

_Shit._ "Ladies, right now is probably not a good time for a visit."

"What?" Myrtle squawked. "You mean we walked an hour walk for nothing?"

"I'm afraid so," he replied, glancing back worriedly at the door of the music room. He started ushering the two visitors away from the twin doors, sweating bullets at the exposure they might face withinthe vicinity of the obvious state of affairs. "Perhaps I can direct you to our other club activities? I'm sure they're just as interesting as-"

"-Heck no. I'm not leaving without getting a glimpse at the so called Host Club." Myrtle scowled, yanking her hand away from the sophomore's desperate grasp. "You're being irrational. What's the harm of getting a little peek? It's like they're-"

"-KIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNG," cried a sonorous voice, deep and cheerfully low, cutting her off from her speech. The three standing outside jumped at the deafening volume, two in fright and one in alarm.

Twin voices cackled, "That's it, milord. You're the king!"

A distinctively younger-sounding boy admonished, "Tama-chan, you're being too loud!"

"No, leave him be. This is the happiest I've ever seen him." Came a tired baritone, and Kyoya could just picture his brother pinching at his temples in aggravated exhaustion.

"You heard the man," a rich, yet appealingly youthful tenor chuckled, and Kyoya's cheeks instantly inflamed upon remembrance of _certain_ events. "Besides, it's not like we're going to get any visitors. It's sixth period, not Leisure Period, and normally the club is empty around this time."

_Karma, Harry,_ Kyoya silently groused, mentally wishing for someone to put him out of his misery. _Karma._

"What… is zat?" Fleur inquired, standing on her toes to peep over the president's shoulder and stare curiously at the closed doors. "Do not 'ell me zat-"

"Like I said, you've caught them at a bad time," he repeated, gently nudging her down. "Their decorum is usually more thought-out and well-mannered… not the raucous bunch you're hearing now."

"King?"

"About that, I do not know and nor do I wish to find out."

Myrtle cast a skeptical eye at the source of all the madness. "You know, they don't sound half bad. They sound handsome, even!"

The young heiress shot her maid a dubious glance.

"Call it a woman's intuition!"

Kyoya began warily, "Are you sure you do not wish to view other… clubs?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like they're having an orgy or whatever, right?"

_Oh dear god on an English muffin, I hope not._

Tom paused suddenly, halting in his repetitive movements of massaging his temples. Frowning slightly, he craned his neck and strained his ears to capture what had acquired his attention in the first place. "Guys," he started softly, "I think we have company. And despite the song and the king's bloody awful singing, my hearing's just fine. I think we have surprise guests."

"You can hear people walking over all that racket?" Harry asked, skeptical at the sophomore's sharp audible range. No one, not even himself, had picked up anything besides the usual singing and declarations from their blonde. "And in sixth period?"

"It's not completely unheard of. There are some students who have Electives at this time, or just plain chose to skip class."

"Oh geez, you guys never catch a break, do you?"

"Welcome to the life of a host," he stated flatly, holding out his hands in a mocking gesture of a bow.

"Well, quite frankly, it sucks like no tomorrow. Can I resign?"

Hunny pouted, swiping Harry's head with his stuffed bunny. The freshman yelped, rubbing at his injured head and playfully sending a half-hearted glare at the junior. "No, Hatter can't quit. PLus, you made a commitment to the team and you still have a debt to pay off."

The blonde continued singing—his voice wasn't at all that bad if you were into sensual tenors—twirling about the room and waving his arms in a complex set of ballerina moves. "KIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNG!"

"Okay, so how are we going to snap him out of his 'King' funk?" Harry questioned, glancing apprehensively at the doors. "Someone might come and it's not like it's going to stop anytime soon." _That and it's getting annoying listening to him scream 'King' after a few minutes. It's more exasperating than when he went all dramatic emo on us. _

"Just leave him be," Hunny chirped, grinning innocently. "Tama-chan's acting like an idiot and anyways, everyone's used to it, so it doesn't matter what he does anymore. So everyone, hup hup! Come on, get into your positions."

Patting his hand through the air as a signal to hold up, Kaoru muttered, "Wait, wait. We're not done yet."

"We're getting to the best part," said Hikaru. "He's just about to beat his record."

"Are you sure I cannot show you ladies around our other social establishments? I'm sure you'd be equally as interested as-"

"-You tried that approach a long time ago. Now, scat! You're blocking the door."

"It's true. I'm just as curious as to what ze self-proclaimed 'ost Club is like."

Kyoya growled low in his throat, standing in front of the closed doors with a dogged glower. He argued, "There's nothing to be seen here. If you want to look at the hosts, come at a later date when they're not being social retards."

"It sounds like they're having fun," Myrtle insisted, shoving Kyoya away successfully. With Fleur hovering over her shoulder, she grabbed hold of the doorknob, disregarding his further protests. Practically bouncing on her feet from the excitement, she flung the double doors open and with a start, stopped dead in her tracks, abruptly meeting seven deer-caught-in-the-headlights gazes blinking upon her impromptu arrival. The three visitors stood smack-dab still at the threshold of oblivion, feeling as if they had stepped into an alternate dimension. Not to mention the fact the room gave off creepy, notorious nightclub vibes with the dimmed lighting and all. And it also didn't help that the seven hosts were all wearing ensemble that faintly reminded the three of rebellious punks.

Uncomfortable silence blanketed the immobile students and in an upside-down world, crickets could be heard chirping. However, being the Host Club, silence was not a golden rule. _Chelsea Dagger_ by the Fratellis was still being blasted through the microscopic speakers, and the lights were dimmed—the pink and blue spotlights the only illumination in the room.

It was just that awkward.

Especially with the subtle smell of something that reminded them of the saying of sex on toast, a breath of fresh air, melon, citrus, vanilla, baby powder, and tobacco.

"**…_OH MY GODESSS!_ IT'S AN UPSCALE, UNDERGROUND PROSTITUTION RING!**" Myrtle screeched, unable to bear with the not-so-silence anymore. Her pitch rising to new heights, she jabbed a finger at their direction before dropping swiftly in a dead faint.

* * *

A/N- Note, my French is rusty. If you happen to spot any mistakes, do point it out. Also, sorry for the thick accents but it is kinda necessary. This system should help you out: almost all the "h" plosives are gone and any word starting with a "t" should be replaced with a "z". I apologize for the many Fleur scenes. Sadly enough, this is the same situation I find myself in currently albeit less dramatic. _-sniffs and joins Fleur in Tamaki's corner-_ Why did I have to go to (insert a fancy-smancy academy name here)? WHY?! Oh, and I really dislike Benio and her troupe (they're okay, but not particularly on my favorites), but I'm trying to tone her down a bit while keeping her in character. Something just seems plastic about the Lobelia trio.

I did not know what a "megane" was until I looked it up. It pretty much means a glasses-wearing hottie. _–stares-_ And Kyoya does look like a potential Shoei Jinnai! I swear, he totally does!

I had toyed with the idea of who should replace Renge in the story. At first, I thought of Bellatrix, making the other hosts masquerade as lesser beings compared to her beloved lord. But then, I found out that got old too quickly so it was no go. _–sighs-_ At least this way, I get to kill two birds with one stone. …You know, the lilies and the otaku scene? Myrtle makes a good otaku, hmm? Now, allow me to explain the brief mention of Renge. Considering this is AU and Haruhi is in her second year, I'd assumed Renge would've met Haruhi in her first year and regarded the latter as competition. And since Renge is a hardcore otaku, she would've flown to Ouran anyways to meet her prince even if Haruhi wasn't a host. I think her role is somewhat set, something that will never change even with the law of affairs bent out of proportion because of Harry's appearance.

The picture of what the seven hosts are wearing will be posted up next chapter, but it should be pretty easy to imagine with what I've given you so far. Also, this is a bit of an info-slash-fashion-overload chapter as well. I genuinely thought I died researching all those clothing, so you guys better like it! Honestly, man... looking up all those materials was torture. Though... any hardcore fashionistas are welcome to poke holes in my flawed depictions.

--X--

**_Cast List_** _(Japanese highschools have students stay another year after eighth-grade so if you base it from US highschools, while sophomores are generally 15/ 16 years old, Japanese kids are 17 years old unless they skip classes and whatnot):_

--X--

16. Fleur Isabelle Delacour-** _Second-year at_** _**Beauxbatons and forcibly** **transferred to Lobelia, sophomore, 16 years old**_

16. Gabrielle Delacour-** _Grade school, 10 years old_**

16. Monsieur Delacour-** _Head of the Delacours and the fashion industry for women's wear, 54 years old_**

16. Apolline Delacour-** _Wife and loving mother, model, 56 years old_**

16. William "Bill" Arthur Weasley- _**Archeologist and part-time teacher substitute at Beauxbatons, in Egypt, 23 years old** (MD was overexaggerating about Bill's age)_

16. Hermione Jean Ganger- _**Known child actress/ starling starring as "Emma Puckle" in Hogwarts: the Movie, reputed to be the youngest designer in the fashion industry** (more like an aide that somehow got her amateur collection praised and sold)**, Senior, 18 years old**_

--X--

Review?_ –grins-_

**TA Fansite (complete with a poll of _your_ preferred pairing):** http://trivialaffections(dot)webs(dot)com/


	8. A Taste Of Your Own Medicine

(A/N)- Chapter dedicated to kuribun winner, _**Lady Arcano**_! Thanks, hun. –winks- You've won an honorable mention and also a brief cameo in the story. Hope you enjoy the VERY SHORT, steamy, implied sexual tension here. I've omitted a lot and thus, reduced its smutty segment from a very—almost pornographic—MA rating into PG-13… which still falls under the T mark, I suppose (implied sexual content). And also… other warnings are randomness of characters and Myrtle's fail Fangirl-Japanese. My advice, if it's one of your pet peeves (like mine), ignore and skip her lines. I'm parodying to the extreme (note, will tone it down a bit because it's starting to make me nauseous) :]

Also, there's some Tamaki/Haruhi fluff going on in this chapter. A little throwaway gift for all those Tamaki/Haruhi fans out there!

RESPONSES FOR LAST CHAPTER'S REVIEWS AT THE BOTTOM!

* * *

_'…You know, I don't know how I should feel about Renge. I mean, she's a bitch, a nag, all that but at the same time, you can't help but like her a bit.'_

_'…The fuzz?'_

_'Don't give me that look. She's eff-ing hilarious!'_

_'No, she's F***ING ANNOYING!'_

**~(A convo between two otaku-wannabe friends)**

* * *

**Trivial Affections**

Chapter 8

* * *

"A prostitution ring… of all things that could have been said," Tom muttered incredulously under his breath as he slipped his coat through a clothes hanger. "What kind of a bint says that in this age? Stupid... honestly, bloody off her rockers, that one. And I thought I'd recognized your voice. Why didn't you warn the two broads of our afterhour's loony bin?"

Kyoya snorted, his sharp hearing picking up the jumbled mumbling. "Not that they listened."

The two Ohtoris were back in their own estate, each keeping silent of what had occurred hours before until Tom decided it now was the right time to bring it up. It had been quite an alarming experience as they'd thought Myrtle had dropped dead from cardiac arrest until Mori checked her pulse, everyone relaxing then and the heavy tension evaporating into fine mist when he announced the telltale drumbeat—albeit faint. The young Delacour heiress next had kindly offered to take her off their hands after the embarrassing ordeal they had unwittingly put themselves into but being the ever so graceful host, Tamaki persuaded the two to stay over in Ouran's dorms until (here a very sarcastic Hitachin twin mimicked the famous quote): "the young missus finds herself in a better condition."

Kyoya had decidedly popped into his bedroom, much to Tom's chagrin at having his shower stolen, after spilling an excuse somewhere along the lines of his being closer than his own bath. Out of the corner of his eye, Tom glanced at the pillows he had stacked earlier in the morning, secretly frowning a bit as tattletale green scales were absent from viewpoint. With any luck, his choice of a confidant he'd like to call Nagini wasn't out slithering about in unwanted terrain. He remembered last time she got out of his room, his father was far from pleased.

He chuckled quietly to himself. It had been worth it, though, to catch a glimpse of the oldest of the Ohtori brothers hopping around on one foot, looking as if he wanted to pee himself when he heard their adopted brother's _poisonous_ python was on the loose.

Kyoya paused in the middle drying of his wet hair with the towel he swiped a little while back to take a quick look at his younger brother laughing manically to himself. He rolled his eyes. Most likely recollecting a _fond_ memory. "While I do agree it's a bit asinine, I did caution them not to intrude," he admitted, ducking his head and looking away. A few stray strands fell into his blue-gray eyes and with an annoyed huff, he tossed the fluffy towel away from him, watching as it pooled to the floor.

It had been wonderfully soothing for his sore muscles after the bath he had drawn up but even he had his limits of indulging in one of his very few pleasures. Had he continued soaking in the hot water, like what his older sister, Fuyumi, managed to say after her giggling fit at seeing him naked, he would've closely resembled a wrinkled prune by now.

_Not that her interruption isn't well appreciated,_ he thought disdainfully, approaching his bed_. Any longer and I would've fallen asleep. _Sweeping his gaze at the surface of his brother's ornate nightstand, he could only ponder where the hell his glasses went when only a lamp, its own manufacturer greatly influenced by Gothic styles, greeted his weary eyes. He was sure he left it there before taking his bath. "Would you… by any chance, seen my glasses?"

"Not that I can remember, sorry." Tom turned around, hand poised in the action of untying the black fastening around his neck when he caught sight of his naked brother. His eyelids lowered, half-mast and heavy, reflecting the effects of the adverse vow of chastity he took up when his step-father caught him dallying with a willing maid. The suppression of his earthly desires for the past few months had been pure, unadulterated torture. He cleared his dry throat. "I do remember, however, that you left your boxers on the bed. You know… indiscretion is frowned upon in some areas of the world."

"Then I suppose I should count my lucky blessings to be born in Japan where being caught streaking through a campus full of impressionable children only leads to a slap on the wrist and a promise to never do it again," he recounted casually, referring to the time the twins challenged a certain blonde to commit such an act. He peered over his shoulder coyly, a slow smirk blooming across his face. "Well now, I do believe indecent looks are just as frowned upon as my state of undress."

And just as he predicted, Tom, after a long, blank stare, displayed an impressive feat of strength, striking hard and fast as he shoved him back flat against the mattress of his custom Eastern King-sized bedding. What he did not expect was finding his arms swiftly pinned down and his hips straddled by two very firm legs. He definitely did not foresee the sheer vigor exerted behind the aggression and hunger swimming in those molten, burning embers. Just as he was about to voice a protest, Tom surprised him by taking the towel that had been on the floor to dry his wet locks.

"Tom," he began tiredly, "just what do you think you're doing?" He was drained and definitely not in the mood for any sort of joviality. Not to mention being terribly near-sighted and not having his glasses around irked him.

"Drying your hair," he deadpanned, his spidery hands moving, his thin lips humming, and the innocent towel he picked up from the floor doing its duty.

"I can do it myself-"

"-Take this rare offer of charity like a man and put up, or shut up. Besides, what's wrong with the occasional brotherly love? You looked cold and your hair hasn't dried yet." He pointed out. "Do you have something against me or…?"

"No, it's just rather uncomfortable not being able to see you and the fact that you're reciting one of the twins' scripts is starting to bother me."

Tom scoffed lightly, choosing to tactfully ignore the comment. Hands splayed across the broad chest, he gingerly pushed himself up into a sitting position in an effort to get more comfortable. Tugging the student president into his lap, he pressed their bodies flush together, letting himself provide body heat like an insulation blanket. Only it was bare chest against unbuttoned cotton. It hadn't passed his notice of the slight tremor that passed his brother's body. Whether it was from the cold or their close proximity, he didn't know but was curious to find out.

"How oddly affectionate you are today," he teased, ignoring the playful slap on his thigh that incurred. "How long has it been since we've done anything like this?"

"Ever since the day you dropped me down from Number One in grades, you gold-digger."

"I can't believe you're still bitter about that, mister-I'm-the-President-of-Model-United-Nations-I.S.-and-I-have-my-own-Fanclub," Kyoya muttered. "Not my fault I was born a prodigy."

Right, and he was Voldemort-reincarnated. Biting his tongue to keep his scathing comment to himself, Tom noticed the almost inaudible, ragged pants coming from his sibling and he inwardly smirked. With a pause and bated breath, he leaned closer, his fingers gripping Kyoya's chin strongly, tilting his head up until his mouth was poised over his, their breaths mingling. "Prodigy you may be but tell me this, my little scholar, exactly how long has it been since we've done," now their lips were scant millimeters away, "This?"

The older of the two smirked, taking the initiative to crush their lips together, running his tongue against the seam of Tom's lips, then delved into the tantalizing depths of his mouth as they parted, tongue against tongue, exploring the sweet, wet cavern. After what seemed like mere seconds, he drew away for air. He licked his lips and gazed up drowsily before burrowing his nose into the midnight hair, breathing heavily, shakily, and inhaling the other's musky scent. He couldn't look into those smoldering eyes least he lose himself in the heated gaze whispering of the artful skill of seduction and fervor.

Tom chuckled wickedly, reaching out to fondly trace the familiar contours of the face he had gotten to know for the years he spent in the Ohtori estate. "Well," he said, his voice dropping an octave lower, "let's remedy that." When he pressed his lips against his lover's cheek, running his lips ever so softly down his cheek, Kyoya gasped, his eyelids fluttering shut then open, then shut again.

He felt emotions crashing over him like an ocean, rampaging and intense as the ruby-eyed man planted butterfly kisses his way down the side of his face, and his hands! Large, elegant and tapered hands stroked all over the secret places on his body, the places that only he and Tom knew was sensitive to the touch. Caressing, pinching, and drawing circles, he writhed against all the attention, overwhelmed by all the sensations. Sweat and fire formed between them from their intense engagement of foreplay, and each breath taken, panting and breathless, came like a white cloud amidst the frosty weather.

"Tom," he whispered, his mouth refusing to form coherent words. Kyoya arched his back as Tom deliberately slid a finger down his arousal, a faint, almost feathery pressure devastating his charged-up senses. Biting back a moan, he swallowed hard and frenetically murmured, "I think it would be… a good idea if we…." He hissed as his heightened sense of sensitivity flared, sending white hot dots in his vision as long, white spidery fingers dipped lower, stroking near the pinpoint of his arousal.

"Say…," Tom murmured, pressing his lips against the shell of Kyoya's ear. He took one into his mouth and nibbled lightly on a lobe, delighting in the hitch in breath he caused. "I am curious. Just what is your affiliation with… Mr. Potter?"

He stiffened immediately, catching the implication. "I do believe it's none of your business, little brother," he replied coldly in that customary clipped tone of his.

What he got was a hum in reply as Tom shimmied down, his teeth lightly nipping the skin of his collarbone in a friendly manner. "On the contrary," he said, his voice muffled. "I'm very interested in regards as to what your view on one of my fellow peers is."

He lifted his arm up, halting him in his tracks, his blue-grey irises studying mirroring scarlet ones in aroused calculation. "He is very unique. Incidentally, I met Mr. Potter in the school courtyards on patrol. From what I gathered, he's an interesting individual and I'm interested to see what lies beneath the surface of such an unassuming face."

"Is he another of your conquest?" he purred, squeezing his occupied hand and smirking viciously when the Student Council President cried out in surprise. "Do you fancy him?"

"I…," he groaned, gritting his teeth hard against the sensation.

"Do you?"

"Y-yes," he snarled, sucking in a deep death and clamping his hand over his mouth to stifle his pleasure-induced groans. Only Riddle, the damn orphan Father took under his wing out of media-pressure on one of his global-business trips, could make him lose his composure. "Damn it, yes. The full Monty or whatever that British saying you keep spewing to Father."

Tom heaved a sigh, shaking his head. "What am I going to do with you? Stop discriminating against us Brits. On the other note, stay away from Potter. He's off-limits."

Kyoya's eyes flashed and without any warning, Tom found himself being pinned down by quite a dominating show of force, smoldering gray irises flashing dangerously. Tom raised a brow, tilting his head up to meet the dark gaze, challenging, and daring him to do something. Anything.

"Brother, my naïve, fickle, adopted precious. As far as I can tell, he's far from yours." Lowering his lips till he was speaking into his ear, he crooned almost seductively, mockingly, "I am very interested in the boy and I intend to get to know him better. _Intimately_."

"Funny, that. Not if I'm the one who gets him first," Tom countered just as quick. He sneered, "He's the most peculiar little thing to ever grace the halls of Ouran High."

"And that's why you want him? Riddle… how out-rightly simplistic of you," he tsked. "Boredom? And her I thought mine was pitiful. But true, he is the most fascinating thing to come other than the elder Fujioka. His sarcasm and pessimistic view towards life is refreshing."

"You know, I've been awfully curious," Tom drawled, his low voice trailing off as he struggled to put his inquisitiveness into words. Prompted to voice his question by those inquiring gray orbs, he continued, "But what about him has caught your fancy?"

"Why, it's –now, correct me if I'm wrong—the same reason as yours. His demeanor, his social status, how he interacts with his peers, even the smallest of gestures coming from him… it's peculiarly, for lack of better word, interesting. You can say he's rather _stimulating_." He smirked. His lips curving further up in a lewd grin, he mentioned, "That reminds me… we need to do something about your… situation. It's not fair that you're fully clothed when you've got a willing, naked, able body here next to you." Expertly unfastening all the buttons of his uniform in record speed, he shimmied down for better leverage in undoing the complex zipper of Tom's silken trousers.

Tom could only laugh softly before rolling over to top and Kyoya, pleased that they could get on with it, let himself go lax, allowing his brother free reign of his body. This time. "Let's make this into a contest," he said at last, contemplatively as he tapped his chin. "And instead of wasting time, I'll set the terms since I am, after all, at a disadvantage. This shall be a duel between you and I. No outside parties shall interfere. If anyone, including intermediate family, is found blocking our way, that's when our game will be put on momentarily hold until another opportunity rises. Whoever gets him first is the victor."

"Of course. And in the name of fair sportsmanship, I must warn you there is very little chance of you succeeding," he cautioned, his voice going soft. "You're at a disadvantage here, Kyo. I see him almost every day. You can always back out. It's not like I would think any less of you."

He felt a wicked grin curve up the corner of his lips as he pulled Tom down for another bruising kiss. "I decline wholeheartedly." His brother let loose a small sigh against swollen lips, inwardly thinking he himself was at a disadvantage had the Ohtori elder fully had the intent to exploit full use his charm. Such a little devil that he was. "And you talk too much."

Tom cast a disbelieving look in his direction. "Prat, you're stuck with… me for… life, so learn to deal with… it," he murmured in between pecks that set his entire body ablaze. With a small, shaky intake of air, he felt his legs turn into putty as Kyoya ardently did something delightful towards his lower half. His spine arched back, white flashes impairing his vision. "Son of a-!"

"Mhm-hmm," he hummed idly. Shuddering, his long eyelashes flickering open, then settling closed like midnight ink upon the white parchment paper of his cheeks. Groggily, Kyoya wondered how he was even going to start having his way with the imp before his mind went blank and all that he could focus on were those assorted ripples sending waves of powerful sensations in the lower pit of his belly.

* * *

"Dear Father, I regret to inform you mishaps have occurred and because of the unfortunate sequence of events, I find myself fearing for my chastity for if I return to the Lobelia dorms, a mob will surely await me."

Fleur stared at the words she's just written up on the fly, the cursor blinking, and her eyes suddenly itching and dry. It seems Bill's English tutorage had come in handy as she was able to type full sentences in English and she couldn't be more proud if she had to say so herself. She even used complex wording! Surely even her Father would be amazed.

She paused, her fingers splayed midair over the padded keyboard. What to write next… hmm, decisions, decisions. "On… a… further… note," she muttered, mouthing the words as she typed, "It seems I've come across this splendid establishment a few miles from the dormitory. So far, they're willing to provide free lodging for the both of us until my maid recovers from her shock. Father, do not worry. She's altogether well and strong—as sturdy as a foal. But she needs rest in order to recover from her fainting spell.

"That being said, surely you do not object to our stay here? Ouran High School is a rather marvelous place and, as Myrtle quotes, 'Everything's so… pink.' I admit it is rather gaudy but their newest renovations leaves little to imagination as to how their savings are spent as of late. The students here… are a rather rambunctious bunch but of the healthy type, not the crazed, somewhat heretical behavior of the Lobelia girls. Nonetheless, I request your permission to take shelter at Ouran and to give me a second chance. You can remain assured that I still WILL attend St. Lobelia and I'm not forsaking my grades. I'm still getting the homework through email. But please, Father, reply as soon as possible."

Hesitantly, she penned the letter with, "I remain your obedient daughter, Fleur," prior to pressing the Enter button and she reclined back in her chair to watch the loading process as her message was sent. Her mouth felt like it had been run and dragged through a sawdust factory, and tired of the earthy taste, she picked up her glass of Earl Gray one of the hosts—wasn't it the sweet, green-eyed boy?—had graciously offered her before he departed for something she couldn't quite catch, and downed the contents in one gulp.

Looking at the time, she let out a sigh as the digital clock read several minutes after the school hours. Well, apparently she missed her first day at school. As soon as her Father gets wind of this, she was in for one hell of a lecture. She closed the laptop quietly. Scooting her chair back, she picked herself up, smoothed out the wrinkles in her St. Lobelia skirt until it was nice and pristine, and approached the makeshift bed. At least, it looked like a bed if a portable mattress spread out on the floor accounted as a decent place to sleep. She shrugged. Might as well get some rest in preparation for tomorrow before, as Bill liked to call it, the shit hits the fan.

* * *

If Harry didn't know any better, he could've sworn right then and there that the world conspired with the Scooby gang (he thought it was actually funny when Haruhi cracked that joke, dubbing the hosts as the motley crew from a American cartoon), and was out to get him. He paused, blinking a bit at the thought. Right, he wasn't that far off. Straight away he, for what reason he cannot fathom, had been assigned supervising the girls' brief stay at the dorms. But really, one can only maintain interest in the topic of anime for a brief while before ears start to bleed and the brain rotting as he had no prior knowledge of anything anime-ish other than Haruhi's insistent vow to follow her slowly growing dōjinshi collection of hers.

Right now, he watched as the twins leaned in, listening in growing disbelief as Myrtle relayed her lesbian encounters at Lobelia. It had been interesting listening to the hysteric maid for the first few minutes, but that was before she started inputting loads of anime and manga references into their one-noted discussion. In conclusion, he's resigned himself into thinking that Myrtle was on a whole different league than the carrot top otaku he'd seen leeching off of Kyoya, and rightfully deserved to be placed in a mental asylum as long as her mouth kept running off.

"-So I thought it went beyond bizarre when she introduced us to the girls. I mean, I didn't expect it to be a whole school full of yuri! Not that I think those lilies are bad or anything but… um, yeah. It's sorta like an alternate dimension—ooh, kinda like _Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle_— except without cute, talking meatbun-like thingys replaced with all that men-bashing going on down there. It kind of reminds me of, um, this one OVA I saw before with this girl that fell down the rabbit hole and instead of original stuffy characters, lesbians were thrown in, I guess, for the heck of it. For example, the Mad Hatter looked like-"

"-Hatter? Did someone just say Hatter?" Hunny started, piqued. Since when did someone copy his style? He propped himself up on low elm coffee table that Tamaki had recently brought in, and he huffed cutely with faint aggravation.

"Oooooh," she cooed, in love. Tugging on his available cheek presented to her—Hunny whined at the sudden pain in his left cheek—she giggled and said, "Aw, now aren't you adorable? You look just like-"

With an amused look, and a knee tucked under him and his hands clasped behind his back, Harry leant against a marble column. His gaze swept to his left to survey the twins' reactions.

Kaoru considered the hysteric maid with a skeptical eye as she withdrew in her own world, throwing out allusions to _Fruits Basket_ and how their senior had an uncanny resemblance to one of its characters, from his hair color and attachment to bunnies to the tone of his childish voice. Just how long were they going to put up with her? He peered around the Music Room, searching for any sign of a telltale blonde dobe. Grumbling at their misfortune at being stuck with "a stupid, silly girl", he crossed his arms over his chest, his amber eyes growing distant, attention span snapping, as she continued on and on. He allowed his mind to wander.

Where was the King anyways? He was supposed to be bringing the costumes in for today. Anyways, he'd better not be wooing that Fujioka girl again (Kaoru sincerely didn't want to punch the idiot again for attempting to charm the expressionless pants off of her). And if the King wasn't here, then Riddle isn't going to come today, inclined to support his super boring yet growing "D.E. Club" as he IS the leading image behind the whole foolishness. And if Riddle isn't here, then that would mean they're stuck in the room occupied by the two seniors they haven't yet really bonded with and an otaku that's quickly getting on his nerves. And if she's getting on his nerves, then she would be getting on Hikaru's, and that meant an explosion's bound to erupt soon.

_Hmm_, he thought. _What happened to Girl Blondie? I remember seeing her when her maid fainted and his Lordship swooning like those maidens in that Western movie we watched in our Literature class. Just stick on a wig and he'd fit right in with the stupid girls. Ugh, I still can't get the chemical taste out of my mouth. Stupid floor and stupid people with their stupid, hard-ass shoes with no fuckin' consideration for stepping on others' backs-_

"-Hey, girly," Hikaru interrupted gruffly—_finally_, Kaoru thought—his right eye twitching oddly. "Where's that blondie of yours you were with a little while ago?"

Myrtle paused, batting her lashes rapidly in short successions. "Um, out? Uh, like… how do you Japanese people say it… shi-shira…um, shirimasen?"

He stared blankly, the gears in his head turning sluggishly to work out her mangled Japanese. "Did you just say you don't know?"

"Uh, yeah, hai!"

"Don't use Japanese if you're not proficient in the language and/ or aren't a native," he sneered. She could only look hurt by his callous remark as he turned away to glare at a nearby marble column. What was his problem? She was just trying to fit in.

What a jerk.

Hunny paced towards her direction, concern written clearly across his face, fully intent on helping her but not before bumping shoulders with Harry and making eye contact. Harry bit his lip, not knowing what to do. "Hatter, I want you to take a short leave, and you see that plastic bag at the foot of the doors? I want you to pick it up, open the bag, and put your costume on, no questions asked. Come back after you've finished dressing and if you can, try to find Tama-chan and, if you can, Riddle-san." Abruptly turning his head, an indication for the end of conversation, he continued his brisk walk over towards his original target.

This was where Harry took his cue to leave, but not before he caught a hushed muttering coming from the junior that sounded vaguely like, "Damn shitheads can't even keep their flapping mouths shut." Perturbed to hear that coming from the usually happy-go-lucky host, he slipped quietly past through the double doors and out into the deserted halls. A pang of pity struck him deeply but as soon as it came, it passed. The guilt he felt at leaving Myrtle behind in the dust and not sticking up for her didn't outweigh his sense of self-preservation. Something about the black attitude oozing from the very pores of his senpai sent chills down his spine.

He heard the self-proclaimed Lolita croon, "There, there, Myr-chan. Hika-chan's just being his grumpy self. He's not usually like this, riiight underclassman?" He got an instant visual of the dark promise implied in the junior's childish tenor if answered wrong. "And Fleur-chan's still in the back, using my laptop to email her Papa. Noooow, what's wrong with thaaaaat?"

"Mori, do something!" Kaoru whispered feverishly, and he could just see the sheer terror written across his face. "Your cousin's in his 'Weapon of Mass Destruction Mode' and it's starting to scare me!"

Right, he didn't want to stick around any long. Awkwardly shifting the weight of the garbage bag from one shoulder to the next, he ambled to his left, seeking out the nearest restroom available to act as his makeshift changing room. Maybe he can ask Myrtle what happened while he was gone.

Just as he left, the usual silent kendo champion had uttered his first few words in a long while. Inwardly rolling his eyes at the pitiable sight, feeling sorry for the poor freshmen, he kept his face pokerfaced as he said, "Mitsukuni," watching in satisfaction as his beloved cousin settled down, halting the impending doom and thereby, rescuing their miserable asses when they definitely didn't deserve saving.

Hunny pouted and almost crushed his ribs in an attempt to hug the giant junior. "Takashi," he whined. "They were bullying Myr-chan! Bad, bad kōhai!"

* * *

"Out of the question," Haruhi deadpanned, crossing her arms across her chest as her blonde suitor held up the _Alice in Wonderland_-inspired dress, his pinkies up and looking very much like a kicked puppy. And WHAT was he wearing? The elongated sleeves of his hooded shirt faintly resembled that of a straitjacket's with its numerous buckles trailing behind him, and it was a miracle he didn't trip on his own two feet. She could only hazard a guess that he was cosplaying as the Cheshire Cat if those glued on cat ears and purple tail said anything about it. She also eyed the blue dress with blatant distaste. It looked like something that would be hard to move around in.

"But Haruhi," he whined. It was just like him to saunter up and drape himself all over her desk like he owned it. "I especially preordered this gown to be cut and tailored to fit your precise measurements. It's frilly, lacy, puffy, and look! There's even a white pinafore over it that you tie in the back. This is an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to wear something luxurious for once in your life!"

"Get lost. Fuck off."

"Eeek! Haruhi is saying really bad words! A lady should not swear!"

"I swear if you don't get your ass off my desk, I'll give you something far worse. I'll give you a hint: it has my fist and your face in it. Besides, you're not even in this period, so sod off."

"Haruhi… since when did you say 'sod off'?"

"Stop changing the subject," she interjected coldly, pointing her finger in the direction to the door. "And move your ass, Suoh, Tamaki."

Tamaki pouted and without warning, dropping the dress, he had his entire torso bent over till he towered over her, the both of his long arms at the sides of her head, trapping her back against her chair. She did the exact opposite, leaning far back into her seat, desperate to put some space between this man and her bristling awareness at the invasion of her privacy. Suddenly, she regretted choosing the furthest seat away from the exit.

Dropping his voice till it sounded pleasantly low and masculine, he cooed, "But our theme for this week is 'Classic Movies', and everyone's required to dress up. How can you refuse my gracious offer when I'm giving you a gift with no strings attached?"

_No strings, my ass!_ She swallowed hard, refusing to meet those shell-shocked amethyst eyes. "Tamaki-san… it's not that I don't appreciate the thought, but I prefer to be alone right now. I'm not really interested in these sorts of things! Besides, I'm sure you can… poke fun at… your, uh, son… when I'm, yeah." God, even acknowledging his delusion of having a lovechild between the two of them sent a sour taste to her mouth.

The Host Club president beamed, flashing his million dollars megawatt-smile. Still refusing to meet his pleading gaze, Haruhi found herself concentrating on his small, perfect white teeth. Teeth she was sure her dad would kill for. She still couldn't understand how girls found his wide-set grin to be so charming. "So you'll come with me?" he asked hopefully.

"I didn't say anything of that-"

"-And trust me, you won't regret it," he interjected, his speech rapid and almost incomprehensible. His face flushed pink with excitement; he had his overactive imagination already cranked up topnotch at the thought of escorting his crush to the Music Room. Maybe, just this once, she would let him hold her hand? Taking a chance, he took her hands and gripped them tightly. "Oh Haruhi, my beautiful delight, you're just gonna love it! Who can resist _Alice in Wonderland_, after all?"

* * *

Harry stared at the costume and resisted the urge to dunk it in the nearest trash bin. Judging by the look of the getup, today's theme was inspired by _Alice in Wonderland_ and apparently —isn't irony rich?—he was the Hatter (should he take on 'Mad' before 'Hatter'?). He studied the top hat and grudgingly admitted to himself that the hat was neat (it reminded him of the one in the cartoon he used to revere). The wide, baggy trousers with braces attached, lime-green waistcoat, and double-breasted frock coat were not. Not to mention the oversized bow-tie and colorful socks was way overkill.

Hastily, before he changed his mind, he dressed in his given set of clothes, all the while grumbling to himself. From what he could gather, it was sometime after Leisure Period as he didn't encounter anyone in the halls on his way to the restroom. That being said, he had a moment to himself with no interruption and unnecessary excitement, and a wave of serenity came over him. It had been a long time since he was alone to his own devices.

Stretching out the chinks in his shoulders, he rotated his neck and rolled his shoulders. Letting loose a sigh of relief, he pondered on the garbs of the other hosts. The only knowledge he had of the classic had been an age-old memory of his godfather reading to him when he was tucked in bed, and the newest premier of the modernized movie Haruhi had shown him on their computer. The Fujiokas were poor, but they weren't that well-off.

Considering that all the costumes so far had been fit to suit each of the hosts' characters, the King would be dressed up all pompadour in the Red Queen attire. Then again, they haven't really taken on the habit of wearing girls' apparel for their sittings. He could see the twins as the mischievous Cheshire Cat, but there can't be two of them so most likely they would be fitted as Twiddledum and Twiddledee. The juniors would be dressed as the White Rabbit and, since he figured Mori was tall, the youngest junior could be the seven-foot tall Knave of Hearts if his height was factored in. He didn't know what Tom would be. Nothing seemed to suit him, and he doubt the British bloke could even work the caterpillar costume.

Whistling a random tune, he hefted the garbage bag full of his uniform articles over an aching shoulder and pushed the door open, lugging the sack out with him. He peeped, looking right and left. Coast was clear. Surely no one would object if he took a few minutes to unwind. Then, just as he was about to set his bag down, the girls' side of the bathrooms swung open, and he came face to face with the puffy, red-rimmed eyes of the Delacour maid and the familiar carrot-top otaku that followed.

Brilliant.

For a moment there was silence as Harry, Myrtle, and Renge stood facing each other, each rendered incapable of speech. For the girls, it was a surreal experience at finding a boy standing right in front of the girls' restroom. For Harry, it was abject mortification at being thrown off-guard at the worst times possible. "Look. It's not what you're thinking," rushed Harry, eager to settle their discomfiture. "I just happened to walk in the wrong direction and you opened the doors-"

That had been the wrong thing to say in this situation. Drawing herself up, voice choked with unshed tears, she garbled, "Oh so it's _my_ fault now? I wish you people would stop blaming me for every little thing gone wrong in your life. Do you think it's funny? Do you think it's alright to take a stab at Myrtle because everyone else is doing the same?"

"No," he said, frowning heavily. "I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean to upset you-"

"-Oh that's rich, coming from a rich boy like you," she interjected. "Because I know you're just saving face and in fact, you see a poor, pathetic servant bawling her eyes out like one would after watching a marathon of _Elfen Lied_ or even maybe _Wolf's Rain_. Well guess what? You're no better and is a nasty… wicked… despicable liar!"

"I think you have the wrong idea," he said slowly, calmly like one would speak to a distressed child. "First of all, I'm no rich chap of some upper-crust echelon of society. The fact I'm even at this school is because I did all I could to get into this school so that I can repay a favor to the Fujiokas by looking out for Ryuoji's only daughter. I'm sorry to hear of all the bleeding twonks that belittled you, but taking a page out of your book, I wish you people would stop blaming me for every little thing gone wrong in your life. I'm really sorry if I frightened you but I'm not as daft as to intentionally head to a girls' bathroom."

She stared at his face for the longest time, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. He plastered on the sincerest, honest visage possible as she searched his eyes. At last something seemed to satisfy her as she averted her gaze and gave a gruff apology for flying off the handle. And just like that, the crisis was averted. "But really, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said with a sniff. "Those two friends of yours, though, are a bit of a jerk." She had felt flattered when the little boy stood up for her but when he went to talk with the giant nearby in hushed tones, she couldn't help but feel they were talking behind her back. "You're the nice guy who served me tea."

Instant guilt swamped him. He knew he should've stayed behind. "The very one. Look, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would vouch for their amiability… if only I didn't know of their occasional spite. Err, if it makes you feel any better, they degrade the King and I a lot so you're not alone."

She repeated, "King?" This was the second time a king had been mentioned.

"The so-called fake prince of the H.C. Club," Renge rudely cut in, finding it high time they stop ignoring her. She swelled dramatically, forcedly reminding him of Haruhi's monthly periods, as she said, "He's the tall, blond, airheaded-narcissist you saw a few days ago before your blackout."

"Oh… he didn't seem that bad," she said, face contorting. "Is it just me or is your club full of misfits… uh, what's your name again?"

"Hoshakuji, Renge," supplied the carrot top proudly. "Mondays through Fridays, you can find me in the Student Council room. I'm the school's historian and the school's sometimes published mangaka of moe."

"Harry James Potter," he said, smiling shyly. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. And, err, you already know me as one of the 'misfits'."

Oh, he _was_ cute. Wasn't as hot as a certain president (she had a little fetish for megane-characters), but a bite out of him would be just as nice. She turned her attention back at the young host, mirroring his smile. "Hi, I'm Myrtle. It's nice to meet you all. Potter-san, justWHATare you wearing?" she gestured at his getup. "Is this some sort of a protocol?"

"…It's the costume for today's session. Every day, we wear different sets of clothes for each occasion like _unplanned_ parties or just regular sittings." Harry tilted his hat. He added, "I'm the Hatter from the story."

"I must say, the eighteenth-century look compliments you."

"Myrtle's right," Renge gushed. She liked this host, and it was an added bonus to encounter a student from the prestigious St. Lobelia Girls' Academy. She had recognized the renowned uniform instantly. Well, that and because she heard loud wailings coming from a bathroom stall when she had been done with her business. Imagine her surprise when she found a pudgy Lobelia student perched on the toilet. "I like the tailoring of all the minute details. Myrtle, what Host type do you think Harry was assigned?"

"Err, natural?" he answered for her upon seeing Myrtle's lost expression.

Her gusto immediately deflated upon his impassive response. "Well, that's… original."

Harry shrugged his thin shoulders. "I think they ran out of ideas so they just pinned the first thing they could think of on me."

"The Silent type, the Loli-Shota type, the Little Devil type, the Gentleman type, and the Prince type… of all these categories, you mean to say they couldn't come up with something more innovative for yours?"

Myrtle looked skeptically at her. "Like you can come up with something better." Harry felt inclined to agree with the otaku.

"Of course," huffed Renge, hands firmly planted on her hips. "If it were left up to me, I would categorize you as… well, you can be… oh! You can be the Sweet type. I've heard my Haruhi that you're quite a feminist and really nice and chivalrous to the ladies, so you can be that. There's also the Martyr type for that angsty vibe you give off; or the Straightforward type for your blunt nature you're reputed to have."

"Wait, you know Haruhi?" The only times Haruhi mentioned anything of the carrot top had been her occasional complaints of the frivolous otaku disturbing the class. If anything, he'd come to the conclusion they held a somewhat platonic relationship that screamed "STAY AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER!"

Renge beamed, winking at the two students. "Yup, she's one of my closest girlfriends! Her reclusive nature put me off at first but once you see past the 'Ice Queen of the Commoners' persona, she's quite charming. I like getting to know her. On the plus side, she keeps the fake prince away and sometimes at bay."

"Where are you taking me?" questioned Myrtle as the carrot top led them in the opposite direction of the Music Room. Harry gazed longingly in the other direction as he had to be back, in full costume and Myrtle, well, let's just say she knew for a fact the Delacour heiress didn't like being waited on. "I think the right direction's that way-"

"-You don't need to go back to those fake people! Come on, Harry, Myrtle, let me show you some real men!" Of course, she was referring to Kyoya and her obsession with a certain visual-novel video game.

"Personally," Myrtle said dramatically, "I think men of a chivalrous nature, like Allen Walker from or sometimes the characters from _Code Geass_, are more to my liking."

"Ohmigosh, are you an otaku too?" squealed Renge, clapping her hands. "Me too! What's your favorite?"

Harry heaved a sigh, rubbing at his temples. Leave it to the two otakus to forge an instant friendship.

* * *

"You know, I'm not really sure about this," started Haruhi as Tamaki led her to the very doors she learned to avoid unless it was necessary to check in on her little brother. "I've got classes to attend-"

"-I'll talk to the Office ladies and ask them to grant you a full pardon for the day so don't worry about your absence. If you need homework, then you can mooch off of mine. We have basically the same classes anyways so no worries there, the Kaa-san to my Tou-san." He fixed a wide, goofy smile in her direction. "Learn to trust me a little, Haruhi."

Although she still felt cross that he pardoned her from her classes _without_ her permission, she also couldn't help the wonder that crept up at the thought of what lengths he would go to just so he could keep her awhile longer. It felt wrong, but she couldn't help but feel flattered by that. "It's not that I don't," she admitted quietly. "But please. Next time, ask me before you do something like this again. I don't like it when someone does something without telling me." She didn't like going to war unprepared.

His hungry gaze softened a little at her apprehensive request, finding his crush all the more endearing than a few minutes ago. Each day that passed, Tamaki found himself enamored by her mere presence and never did a second go by when his mind had not been plagued by thoughts of the outspoken tomboy. He just wanted some of her time to himself and he had thought what better way than to reserve Haruhi a sitting all to himself! "Of course, silly me."

"It's fine," she whispered, looking down. For some reason, her face was burning up and in no way did she want the blonde to see. "I don't mind. Today was a throwaway day, anyways so I doubt I'll be missing much," she finished, laughing awkwardly. "I'll be making more girls hate me when they find out you reserved a sitting all to myself, but who cares? Your fans hate me anyways."

Perturbed at the downcast expression written clearly across her face, he tilted her head up, looking her straight in the eye. She needed to know how much she mattered to him and how little his fans made a difference whether they liked her or not. As long as she was willing, he could always be the one there for her. "Haruhi, I-"

"-WOAH, HARUHI?" blurted Renge piercingly, upon stumbling at the sight of the two sophomores. Her outburst sent the two sophomores sailing in the air. "I didn't know you two were an item!"

"NO!" Haruhi shouted, horrified. Jumping once more at the deafening volume, Tamaki couldn't help but direct a hurt glance in her direction. She still didn't like him after all this time? "It's NOT what you think!"

"That's what _he_ said. I guess love is in the air this season," said Myrtle, her expression miserable and taken aback by the revelation. She didn't know hosts could have relationships in the background. No one had ever been lovey dovey with her. Even Fleur had a boyfriend. "Don't worry. Your relationship seems like a canon pairing so it'll probably work out."

"WE'RE NOT-"

Picking his jaw up from the floor, Harry hurriedly closed his mouth with a snap to regain composure. He knew his upperclassman had a HUGE crush on his older sister but never did he dream in a million years that she reciprocated the same sentiment. Now that he thought about it… it made sense. She had been in denial. No wonder she got into a passionate debate whenever the blonde's name came up in a conversation, or the many times she veered to the opposite direction when the King came speeding their way.

"Err, I guess… congrats on getting together?" he said, shifting from one foot to another uncomfortably. Already he was thinking of ways to break the news to Ryuoji. Not a pleasant thought.

"Haruhi!" shouted Renge again, this time punching her hard against the arm and ignoring the distressed cry Tamaki gave upon impact. "You wicked dog, you! I cannot believe you never told me you were seeing the Fake Prince!"

"Hey! I'm not-" She slapped the hands rubbing all over her arms to see if she had any bruises. Haruhi hissed, "Quit that, Suoh."

"But I gotta warn you, Haru! He gives off the air of a mushy oaf, an airhead pretty boy, and is probably a cut-rate Romeo. Wait. Strike that. Reverse it. Oh my, in short, he ended up getting the better deal. Be prepared for a lousy lover, Haruhi."

"We're not a couple," said Tamaki sulkily when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of those wide, whiskey orbs promising pain if he didn't do anything to fix the situation. Smoothing out the creases in his trousers, he got up to find a corner to inhabit briefly for his melancholy mood. He let loose a heavy sigh, taking wounded peeks back at the brunette. _Yet._

Harry rolled his eyes at the image he made. A gloomy Cheshire Cat reject. Wonderful.

"Sure, sure," Renge said skeptically, taking the brunette's hands into her own. "Hey, you're just about to head to the Music Room, right? What a coincidence! We were too. Well, I didn't want to but Harry had to come back and Myrtle had her friend to check up, so here I am. I wanted to show them my favorite game but alas, it was not meant to be."

Myrtle patted her on the back. "There, there. It wasn't your fault your president locked you out of the room."

"HE LOCKED ME OUT," she shrieked, turning on Myrtle, outraged. "MY POOR BABIES ARE TRAPPED THERE AND YOU SAY IT ISN'T MY FAULT?"

Myrtle's eyes widened behind wide-rimmed spectacles. She sniffed.

Harry sighed. There she goes again, harping about her precious goods. Honestly. He couldn't see how her hand-crafted comics could be called her 'babies.' Before it escalated into a shouting match between the two most boisterous females he had ever encountered, Harry swiftly rebutted, "And like Myrtle said, it wasn't yours and neither was hers. End of conversation, so let's head inside shall we?"

"Spoken like a true politician," Haruhi said, eyebrows lifted high.

"Get going, you," he said, blushing red. He pushed all the people through the double doors (though accidently smacking the King's head against a blunt edge) but not before elbowing his sister in the ribs and inquiring when the wedding was coming up. Ducking the punch fueled by incensed squawks, he quirked a small grin and hurried inside, only to gasp in wonder at the amount of decorations set up in the matter of time it took him to get back from the loo.

Merlin, it was incredible!

Gigantic mushroom stalks and an array of colorful flowers gave a mythical, woodland feel to the decked out Music Room and instead of the gaudy furniture usually present for their session, miniature tables resembling that belonging to the property of the Mad Hatter dominated the vicinity. Mismatched tea pots, steaming scones, and gorgeous-looking biscuits littered the surface of each.

"So, uh, where's everyone else?" he began decorously, all the while eyeing the platter of sweets. Damn his sweet tooth!

"In the back doing their business at preparing the set for our Wonderland theme today," Tom said briskly, emerging from the back of a mushroom stalk and was now scribbling something fast in his clipboard. Just as he came into the light, Harry clasped a hand over his mouth, fruitlessly stifling his giggles. The sophomore was dressed in the male equivalent of the Queen of Hearts. Harry supposed the Renaissance feel made him look quite dashing despite all the heart-shaped motives sewn on all parts of the kingly costume, but the stand-up collar was a bit too much in his opinion. The sophomore shot a nasty glare in his direction. "I see you're getting on with the program at least."

"Riddle-san," Tamaki cried, leaping into Riddle and almost sending them both toppling to the floor. "You look so majestic! I knew that crown we ordered would make you look debonair. Where's your scepter? Your entire look can't work without the scepter! Did you lose it? Do we need to order a new one-"

"-Suoh, off, now." The blonde promptly obliged. "Since you're so eager, I want you to head to the front and be your normal charming self to the ladies. It's lunch already so they should be flocking in. You girls can be crowd control unless you're signed up for a sitting. Oh, and Suoh. Try to introduce our theme this time instead of bombarding your clients with sweet talk. Potter, you'll be coming with me. Our White Rabbit has a wardrobe malfunction and needs your help."

"Myrtle! Zere you are!" a heavily-accented voice rang and a blond blur crashed into the Delacour maid. "I was looking everywhere for you!"

"F-Fleur?" Myrtle squeaked. "Is t-that you?"

"Of course I'm Fleur Isabelle Delacour. Who else could I be?" she said rather snobbishly, confusion marring her delicate features. "Who are your friends?"

"Oh! This is… um…."

"Delacour? Oh my gosh, as in _thee _Fleur Isabelle Delacour?" Renge screeched happily, jumping up and down like an excited toddler. "I've heard about you from Father back at Paris. Mon dieu, it's such an honor to meet the famous honor roll student from the fashionable Beauxbatons Academy. Our parents did business together at one point. I must say, I just adore your father's designs! They're so chic!"

Fleur inclined her head, flattered. "Merci, mademoiselle…?"

"Hoshakuji, Renge," supplied the carrot top, the same pinched look he recognized creeping back into her expression. Harry guessed it was her version of looking haughty, which seemed like a trend in the rich kids around him. "But you can call me Renge, Fleur. Oh my gosh, can I call you 'Fleur'? It'd honor me greatly if you'd allow it."

"Permission granted," she said, smiling widely. Ooh, she liked this kid. She turned her attention away and honed in on the brunette. "And you are…?"

"-Fujioka, Haruhi," Renge answered for her classmate, ignoring the annoyed look sent her way. Now she pointed at Tamaki, of whom remained unaware of the sudden attention as he was busy ushering in the few clients that decided to show up. "She's that guy's girlfriend."

"WE'RE NOT-"

"-Potter," Tom barked harshly, snapping him to newfound attention. "Get that delectable arse of yours over here or I'll attach a punishment-fee for each second you waste dawdling for God knows what to that debt of yours if YOU. DON'T. GET. MOVING!"

Haruhi frowned. "Hey, who are you to-"

"-Ack, I'm coming. I'm coming," said Harry frantically, rushing to catch up with his impatient upperclassman. He flinched as Tom roughly grabbed hold of his bicep and dragged him along to the back. Wow, if the normally sadistic vice-president was this frazzled, he could only imagine the chaos happening in the back changing rooms.

Fleur grabbed Tamaki's arm just as he was about to do as he was told earlier on. "I'm indebted to you for your generosity. Is zere anything I can do to 'elp out?"

Tamaki blinked, rubbing the back of his neck as he wondered. It wasn't as if he could ask them to perform manual labor. That was a man's work to do. "Riddle-san assigned you ladies the task of controlling the crowd. For starters, you can do just that and then let yourself be enchanted by our one-of-a-kind performance. Just follow the girls you're going to man soon and you'll know what to do."

* * *

"Follow that rabbit!" Arcano, or _Lady Arcano_ as she liked to be called, led the charge into the maze of mushroom stalks and overgrown plants. Everyone was amazed at how much of the Wonderland-inspired effects were stuffed in every nook and cranny, leaving no corner untouched. As of now, the girls were chasing the White Rabbit into the den of the lions although most of the Hunny-fans were a bit more _aggressive_ in their search considering it was Haninozuka under the garb.

Sipping the cooling tea, Harry watched the comical episode from a safe distance as everyone scrambled blindly after the little junior who had stopped for a while to wiggle his butt at the bushed population. It was cute, he supposed, for the girls to see a round stuffed tail on the back of his checkered shorts. They grew even more dogged in their determination to grab hold of him after they saw the pince-nez glasses perched on the lolita's nose. According to Suoh, the very same guy that made them all flashcards because he thought it would be easier than memorizing a script, had said no one had done the glasses-wearing-pretty-boys-theme yet.

That explained the delighted shrieks.

But he still can't believe Tom dragged him all the way back just so he could sew the rabbit tail back on to Hunny's shorts. Did he look like he had sewing skills? Well, granted, he did but it was a family secret. Was he that much of a ninny outside that people assumed he could do domestic activities like sewing?

Shifting in his seat, Harry adjusted the zoom function on his lent laptop. Tom, ingenious little bugger that he was, had installed near-impossible-to-see surveillance cameras all around the room to monitor the girls' trek into their stage set and make sure no one got hurt. The only reason why Harry had the laptop situated in his lap was because as the Mad Hatter, it was his job to act out his part as a good-looking loon and congratulate them for making their way to 'the Tea Party'.

"Make sure you remember your script," Tom had ordered some time ago and when Harry reached for the package of tightly-bound index cards, he wouldn't let go. For a long time, he just stared at him with those intense red eyes, with what seemed like hunger reflected in the twin pools before he relinquished his hold.

Questions about the odd behavior tickled the back of Harry's mind but he paid no further heed as he was ushered out by the twins to get ready for his debut.

Flipping the pocket watch he swiped from Hunny open, he peeked at the time and nearly groaned. If only they'd get here already! He was already close to nodding off—and he did at some point, but the impact of his head against the table shook him awake—but did the girls get any faster? Noooo. They had to take breathers after what seemed like only a hundred-meter dash into the room.

His stomach rumbled and those sweets continued beckoning him forward with their tantalizing smells. The aroma made his mouth water! His stomach gave an angry rumble in response and, embarrassed, he pressed a hand to his abdomen to quell the first waves of hunger. It served him right for skipping breakfast. "I swear," he mumbled. "If no one comes in the next three minutes, I'm going to eat first. With or without them."

And speak of the devil, they walked right into view. "Places, everyone!"

* * *

'_**The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice coming.'**_

The girls rushed into a clearing, all blinded momentarily as their eyes adjusted to the new lighting. It made quite a difference from the dark, muted illumination from up above the maze. "I'm blind!" moaned Myrtle, flapping her arms about rowdily. "Help! Call the nurse!"

"This is why I never come here anymore," Renge muttered, ducking her head into Haruhi's shoulder. The latter heaved an inaudible sigh, patting her on the head. "Ever since Kyoya quit. They get worse and worse as time progresses?"

The Delacour heiress gazed curiously at the carrot top. Well, her perception was a bit off due to the dots in her vision, obscuring and distorting her sense of direction temporarily. "As 'ime progresses? What do you mean by zat?"

Before the historian can retort, the lights dimmed and the floating candles in glass orbs strung up everywhere around the tables lit up, flames writhing fluidly in their fiery ballet upon still wickers. It made for quite a surreal yet terribly romantic sight, and the picture of cool fountains and bright flower beds among the vast garden chilled the girls, which of whom welcomed the icy sensation.

It was beautiful. A sight for sore eyes after running a strenuous marathon.

"'There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter… which, luckily, I am.' Welcome to the Tea Party, my Alices," a familiarly rich tenor began and with a start, they swiveled around to meet a very amused Hatter. "'Come, don't be shy. We shall have some fun now."

Hunny—his fans made a ruckus over the endearing lolita—then cleared his throat and opened his makeshift scroll to announce, "Everyone, welcome to today's event, inspired by author Carroll, Lewis's _Alice in Wonderland_. Now you know me as the White Rabbit but may I present Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, and the Queen of Hearts: Riddle-san!"

Here Riddle bowed majestically, hands swept out and back as straight as a pin. "Welcome," he rumbled. "And least you be displeased, I say 'Off with their heads.'" His fellow fans swooned at the commanding, regal image he made.

Hunny continued, "The Cat: Tama-chan!"

"'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.'" He looked up and winked saucily. "Though I'd much prefer the _Cheshire_ Cat." High-pitched screams assaulted Harry's ears and it took all he did not to bang his head against the table for that sweet, sweet state of unconsciousness.

"The Cheshire Cat, everyone! Now, I present the terrible two: the twins. Twiddledee and Twiddledum, Kaoru and Hikaru, each titled respectively."

"How do ya do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do ya do and shake hands and state your name and business," they sang in unison, adhering to the age-old classic film. Kaoru added, "That's manners!"

Cue the screaming.

"…And we have the Knave of Hearts. He might be quiet but he is as ferocious as they come. Give it up for Takashi!"

More murmuring took place, and a quarter of the crowd launched a debate on how intriguing it was to find a heart-shaped eye patch on the junior's left eye and the long scar trailing behind it. Mori flushed a small pink when greedy eyes trailed down the pathway of the very tight breeches he wore. Mori whispered, "'I like… largeness.'"

Really, Harry couldn't help but feel like the hosts were ripping off the movies, both old and new. Apparently, no one cared for creative licenses. Scanning the crowd, he sought out for those same skeptical pools of whiskey and he was sorely disappointed from the lack of results. He missed his sister's company.

"And finally, he's as mad as a hatter, but don't blame him for without his lunacy, he wouldn't be known as the Hatter! Everyone, our newest member of the family: Hatter!"

He cracked a nervous grin when everyone turned their attention towards him. Of course, he remained oblivious to the twin avaricious pools of crimson and mercury, each eyeing him with the same degree of vigorous appetite. He cleared his dry throat and began, "'I've been considering words that start with the letter 'M'.' Wait, no, I meant 'S'. Special. Sublime. Ssssashay. Soliloquy. Mmm. Sssserendipitous. Shampoo, rinse, and repeat."

Tamaki outstretched his hands in a grand gesture, similar to the one Tom made previously, and proclaimed, "To my little, cute Alice-chans. May you never forget today's enchantment of wonderland." Dropping his voice to a susurrus, he said, "Now ladies. Today's an especially exclusive event and reservations have been made in advance for such an occasion. That being said, you should know who your host of this evening will be. Just for today, we would appreciate a tranquil atmosphere without unnecessary havoc and mayhem. Quarrels are expected to be put to silence immediately and we seek to clear any misunderstandings before they are made. Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to maintain the serenity of today's event. We do not want to ruin the magic that have been cast.

"So please silence your cell phones and any calls taken will be needed to be taken outside." The serious mood lifted as he swept his arm to the direction of the tables. "May you enjoy the rest of your evening."

With the skills of a puppeteer, he led his female peers into motion, all excitedly discussing how different today's experience was and how absolutely delicious each looked. That is, excluding Haruhi and the remaining trio who remained there staring.

Fleur glanced at Haruhi and inquisitively tilted her head at the bored expression written across her face. She looked like a seasoned attendee. "'Aruhi, was it? Is zis what ze club activities are usually composed of?"

Confusion contorted her feminine features as she turned her attention at the lost Delacour heiress. "Why are you asking me of all people? I wouldn't know."

"Because you're all cozy with the Fake Prince," Myrtle explained, referring to her fellow otaku's allusion of the blonde's title. "We'd thought you knew the ins and outs of the club. Say, what is the back-story of their… um, act?"

"What do you mean by 'act'?" Haruhi asked curiously, beginning the trudge towards the King's table. She wasn't one to break promises even though she hadn't really guaranteed him anything.

"What I think Myrtle's trying to say," Renge cut in, "is what spurs these men on? You know—the back-story of each bishonen character. Why are they doing this? Hmmm, let's use Harry as an example. Why exactly is he the Mad Hatter? Why is he using those natural techniques of his instead of what, let's say, your boyfriend's doing? And so forth. Isn't this what you're trying to say, Myrtle-chan?"

"Something along those lines. What I'm really curious about is the techniques you mentioned, Renge. What is the 'natural technique' anyways?"

Renge beamed, once again linking arms with the maid. "Let's go to Harry's table and see, shall we? We didn't reserve in advance but I'm sure he wouldn't mind us butting in."

"Um, you guys go ahead without me. I've got to go and…," Haruhi trailed off, looking in the King's direction and internally wincing when he waved animatedly upon her watch. She was starting to regret ever coming here.

Fleur followed her reluctant gaze and cracked a wry smirk. Crossing her arms, she spoke, "Pas un couple, eh? I find it very 'ard to believe zat."

_French_, her muddled mind worked out. Fleur spoke in her native tongue and unfortunately, Haruhi didn't speak a speck of the romantic language. "You wouldn't happen to want to come with me… would you?" she began hopefully, wanting someone normal to escort her there in case she went stark-raving bonkers in his extended company.

"Hmm… non," she replied, the size of the smirk increasing. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone."

"WE'RE NOT-" she took a deep breath, calming herself before she made a scene. "We're not like that. He's just some guy that started chasing me in our first year after I turned him down. I didn't like how he had his trophies around all the time, and going through girls as easy as changing clothes."

"So you're intent on changing 'is ways?" she said, quirking an eyebrow. "Is zis what you're 'rying 'o say?"

"NO! No…," her voice died down and she rammed her hand through her hair in frustration. "No."

"Are you…," Fleur struggled for the word. Just how did you say 'jaloux' in Japanese? "Aah, jealous? Is zat why you do not like 'im? Because you want 'im all to yourself and you're… aah, ashamed of yourself for feeling zis way?"

"You… please, just be quiet."

_And now we approach ze source of 'er denial_, Fleur thought triumphantly. Bill would be so proud of her. She averted her attention towards the other blonde, scrutinizing the flushed look upon his face and the way his amethyst eyes sparkled and lit up whenever his gaze fell upon the brunette. _They_, she came to the conclusion, _had it bad_.

* * *

"So Harry," one girl began flirtatiously, pressing her chest against his arm as he dispensed the tea into her porcelain cup. His hands jerked at the unwanted contact but amazingly, he didn't spill a drop as he continued pouring with absolute poise. Tamaki would've been proud of him. "For amusement's sake, again, why are you called the Hatter 'round here?"

"Err, figuratively or literally?"

"Let's say both. We've got enough time for a story."

"…Well, figuratively, I assume it's because the Hatter… wore a hat? Lewis Carroll fashioned him as a character that went through mercury poisoning so I can only guess that's where it came from. As to why I'm called Hatter 'round here," he rolled his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug. "You're gonna have to ask Hunny about that."

Another ran a finger up and down his bicep as he rounded to her side of the table. Really, he was considering reporting them for sexual assault if the touching persists. "You're very knowledgeable, aren't you, Mr. Mad Hatter?"

"Uh, no." he cleared his throat. "Would you care for some cuppa?

"Yes, please." she batted her lashes. "And I'd like a helping of you on the side."

Cringing at the lewd comment, he attempted an awkward grimace as a nervous laugh wound its way up his throat. "Here I am; though I'd caution against consumption. I'd probably cause you indigestion." Licking his lips, his verdant eyes darted across the span of his table, mentally calculating the number of clients he managed to snag for this session. Thirty-six overall in such a short duration. It was quite impressive for someone without a speck of hosting experience if he had to say so himself.

A shadow obscured his downcast view and piqued, he looked up to ask that person to _kindly_ move somewhere else when he found himself locked in memorable pools of blue-gray. Quiet squeals and incessant probes as to why the student council president was there at their table followed, but it went unheeded as Harry continued staring obstinately at the seemingly stoic sophomore. What was he doing here?

He frowned, his mind scurrying to find a reason as to the impromptu visit. Was he in trouble? He wasn't aware of being any nuisance as of recently. Harry knew the sophomore was a busy man. He wasn't stupid. There had to be a reason.

Curiously, his mental librarian at the moment chose to zip back to a dusty filing cabinet at the corner of his brain and pulled out a file containing fragment of a memory that transpired a few days before Myrtle's fainting episode… something about the uptight student council president having a crush on him.

Wait.

_Hikaru grinned after a short period of laughing his ass off, wiping a tear from the corner of his golden-hazel eyes. Patting his fellow freshman on the back in good nature, he drew closer and slung an arm over the other's shoulder, disregarding the verdant irises eyeing him guardedly. Suggestively wiggling the two of his maroon eyebrows, he spoke, "So after the affair broke out, what happened to your lover boy?"_

_"My… what?" Harry asked, flustered and taken completely aback. _

_"I think our wittle student council pres has a crush on you," he replied in a sickly sweet sing-song voice that made Harry's blood run cold._

"Hey Kyoya," he started uneasily, a polite, feeble smile plastered across his face. A mantra of: 'please don't let it be it, please don't let it be it, please don't let it be it' raged in his mind unremittingly. "You need something? Did Suoh bring you here again?"

"No, it's purely pleasure. What, you're not going to pour me a cup, Harry?" he countered silkily, his voice coming close to a purr as an elegant eyebrow arched. "And here I thought you were against special treatment."

Good God! Was he flirting with him?

Naa, couldn't be.

"…So you navigated a maze of unholy, plastic mushroom stalks just for a cuppa?" said Harry slowly, skeptical. Only an idiot, in his mind, would walk into a labyrinth without any sort of guidance or desire for anything more substantial than a fleeting craving. Was no one ordinary in this campus? "What… the hell?"

He chuckled, hitching a hip up onto the table for leverage to sit on. "Unholy plastic mushroom stalks?" he questioned, his smile widening. There it was—that remarkable humor that compelled his fascination with the scholarship student. "You sure do have a way at originality."

_You're just being paranoid. You're just being paranoid. Relax, the man's straight as they come. There's no way he's picking you up._ "For you, I try my best."

"They're on friendly terms," Myrtle said, awed. She and Renge had just arrived to his table, and the sent commotion sent their interest meter rocketing haywire. At once she had recognized the megane-bishonen she had flirted a bit prior to the blackout. "I didn't know they were… erm, close."

"Of course! Duh." A redhead looked down edgily at the squat otaku, nose upturned. "Haven't you heard the news? They kissed like a few days ago!"

Her friend bobbed her head, face flushed. "In public too! Total yaoi moment."

A stupefied look crossed the maid's expression while her mind screamed, _Real live-action yaoi right here, right now!_ _Oh my FUCKING Goddess, forget the Lobelia yuri fiasco. This is better!_ Never had she been so happy to meet up with the star-crossed lovers.

"I heard they're secretly dating," one spoke quietly to the two otakus. "Master Kyoya just doesn't come that often to see his boyfriend because he's worried it'll jeopardize Harry's clientele."

"Jeopardize? Forget that, I heard it's already being jeopardized by Riddle-san. Remember when he tried to stop that kiss? It's a love triangle."

"Kiss-a-holic! Kiss-a-holic!"

Riddle gripped his scepter till his knuckles turned white as the recognizable chant registered within his earshot. Twisting around, he peered at all the hubbub and right away narrowed his watch when crimson met smug mercury. He'd give Kyoya this one win, but drat it if it wasn't pissing him off.

Harry turned his attention towards the pack, a disapproving and straight-faced look etched on his features. "We can hear you, you know? And just for your information, we're not dating. At all. And stop calling Tom that. It was just a misinterpretation of the situation." After all the groveling he put him up to, it would be right as to preserve what little dignity remained for his fellow British mate.

Kyoya chuckled, sticking his hands into his pockets. "Yes, we are not dating." _Though I foresee one coming up very soon if this correlation keeps developing._ Shooting a meaningful glance in his brother's direction, he switched his focus to consider the elfin host with a thoughtful eye. He leered, "Unless our legendary scholarship student would oblige me the honor?"

An angry retort right at the tip of his tongue, he whirled around to deliver but stopped as he mulled over what was just said. Kyoya couldn't possibly be gay… could he? Harry had to admit, the man was gorgeous—and not necessarily in a nerdy way. If anything, he would fit the personification of class and sophistication. Brains, money, and personality… the man had it all.

"Harry?"

Broad shoulders. A chiseled face. Long, almost girlish lashes that obscured gray irises like a veil.

"Harry!"

"Err, thanks but no thanks," he said hurriedly, snapping back to reality when his mind touched upon remembrance of 'that Incident'. "I prefer the life of a bachelor for the time being. Not that you're not attractive or anything but… err, don't take offense, but… you're a bloke. I'd, uh, much prefer bread over fish any day and much better in the faraway future when I'm in college and can financially support myself."

Kyoya blinked slowly, his handsome features twisted in confusion. "But wouldn't be better if you can find someone who can support you in any way they can, no matter the gender? Let's say two men are in love but because of their same sex, they keep quiet of their feelings. Wouldn't that be such a pity? Instead of living the high life, they thereby restrict themselves in fear of rejection which may stem from the long-ago instilled fear of segregation. Now if one simply confessed, it would've made all the difference. Wouldn't you say that's an interesting notion, in its own way, Potter, Harry-san? What if, say you, decide to lose all your restraints for one night of carnal gratification and enjoy what it may entail?"

"I'm sorry to hear about the two blokes not attaining their happiness together, but that could've been avoided if one of them lost their stubbornness and just admitted his feelings. I don't quite get why you're saying this all of a sudden, sorry, but since you asked… I really don't think it's the life for me."

"Oh, I get it now," Myrtle declared, dropping her fist into her palm, her equivalent of a light bulb going off. Harry's perturbed expression at being interrupted plus the joking manner of the school president had triggered her sudden revelation. She found herself in the spotlight of the two males as their gaze trekked their way towards her. "You're giving us fanservice. That's why you're not all in lovey-dovey delusions unlike the other two."

At this she turned in course of the Hitachin twins, her face fixed in displeasure. After watching all those anime, she could spot shams at an attempted relationship in a heartbeat.

Besides, she thought their personalities were ugly, gossiping like that. No less the subject of their discussion being in the same room as them.

_The eldest sibling had joked, spinning his propeller hat round a finger. "Hey, remember the time when his Kingship was in one of his fits, thinking his future bride-to-be was off eloping with the American foreigner giving us directions for our class field trip? That was pure comedy." _

_His twin had agreed readily, vainly trying to stifle a smirk. "Eeew, he was so old! Where did his Lordship get that idea anyways? Ugh, like anyone would elope with some old geezer." Here the redhead had sniffed, tears leaking out of the corner of his amber eyes. "Hikaru, if a man forced himself on me, what would you do?"_

"_Foolish, brother." He scolded lightly. "I won't let anyone touch you other than me. Your worth to me is something that cannot be compared to worldly insignificancies."_

"_Hikaru," he had crooned tenderly, his ego touched. "You're the only one for me."_

Myrtle shuddered at the recollection. Definitely fake. Somehow, her high expectations of the so-called eye-candies of the Host Club were dropping further and further like dead flies. Even if they went with an elaborate theme—to which she admitted was a tad unique—they obviously couldn't keep in character throughout their entire session. It saddened her.

"So how do you think of our marketing pitches, Myr-chan?" questioned Hunny to her left, nearly making her drop dead from another supposed cardiac arrest. He watched as she fanned herself, mumbling about how everyone was now like ninjas. "Good, huh?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that but," she faltered, looking gob-smack stunned as she considered the performance of all their acts with a critical eye. It was more amateur cosplay than actual hosting, or anything related to what she had based her knowledge on from the dramas she watched. Where was the signature champagne tower? "Is this what you do… all day?"

Hunny cocked his head, brows knitted. "You don't like it?"

A heavy coating of red swiftly spread across the Delacour maid's face. "I'm sorry. I tend to speak before I think so just ignore me. Besides," she sighed. "It's not as if my opinion matters."

His cousin that had been standing in the sidelines shook his head, smiling softly. Their clients had decided to wander off exploring so they had very little to do. Also, Mori couldn't help but feel slightly concerned for their newest recruit.

'_**As it turns out, the third years were the only ones who had a complete grasp of the situation.' **_

Their King had fallen in love with the elder Fujioka but there was the bridge of candid denial coming from the latter that had to be crossed if he ever stood a chance of attaining his goal. The Ohtori siblings had picked up more than a fleeting fancy towards their youngest member (who remained blissfully in denial of the building attraction if the previous scene had anything to do about it). And finally, the twins, as they noticed, had a keen awareness of the Fujioka siblings. Maybe they weren't as direct in their curiosity but from what the juniors could tell, they seemed to prefer the company of the siblings than the rest of the female population.

But what vexed the juniors the most was their own budding feelings. Hunny, at times, experienced inklings to praise the eldest Fujioka's looks but he didn't really think it fell in the romantic category. His cakes held more worth to him at this point in time. He had also noticed his cousin was a trifle more restless with Potter's appearance but like before, the romantic factor didn't seem to fall in. Maybe a slight desire to shield the petite freshman from the horrors of the world fit the bill more.

Mori murmured, "Everyone's opinion matters." Here he trailed off, expecting a certain someone to finish his train of thought. He tossed a profound stare in Harry's way.

Harry blinked and stated hesitantly, "In the words of someone I knew, 'Freedom of thought and conscience, Article 19, or haven't you heard of the Constitution?' It's a free country, Myrtle, so no need to hold yourself back. If you have something to say, say it. I'm sure we won't take offense."

Gnawing at her lower lip, she said finally, "I think it's… uh, a bit tepid. I mean, all I'm getting from you guys so far are very bland personalities stereotyped to the extreme, and it's not even scratching beneath the surface—which is what girls try to look for in bishonens. Where's the back-story that explains how you're like this? Where's the drama?"

Kyoya inclined his head at the latest disclosure. Leaning back against the heart-shaped armchair he had pulled out earlier when Hunny distracted the presently rambling girl, he closed his eyes. He had a feeling what was about to come next would spell trouble for the Host Club. His lips quirked up in a wicked smile.

"We give enough excitement already," the twins said uninterestedly from their designated section of the room. All the side conversation had died down, further building up the volume of their stated opinion. "What's the point of wasting time getting in character when we're more than enough? Or is it not enough for you, little maid-chan."

Frustration colored her expression. Why weren't they getting what she was trying to elucidate? "It just feels like it's not good enough. You lack well-rounded personalities, and girls will find your one-noted characters dreadfully dull soon enough. It's like you're purposely trying to be bad so that you can make your club go bankrupt or something."

"It's true," Renge nodded enthusiastically, siding with her otaku friend. At last someone was getting her point of view. "Girls are weak for beautiful men involved in heart-wrenching distress—which is something you all lack badly."

"You all have a lot of girls roped in but how do you market yourselves? You're not even acting like a real Host Club. For example, I read somewhere that hostesses are generally hired for their looks and personality. You guys only have that _one thing_ and looks don't just cut it. The 'stage name' requirement is pretty much covered since I know some of you go by 'King', 'Hatter', and anything else I didn't happen to catch. But where's the 'champagne call' or even the well-known 'champagne tower'? Do you even do 'mail business'?"

Tamaki, the founder of the club, picked up all those terminology with his acute hearing. "Where did you learn all that?" he inquired, voice thunderous enough to reach across his side of the room. His only company, Haruhi, winced as consequence. "And in accordance to the safety regulations set up by the chairman, we've decided to cut down on the services that involve alcohol or any inappropriate manners."

"Like flirting isn't inappropriate," Harry mumbled. He couldn't help his old-school way of thinking.

"No, it isn't right," she said, slow as the mechanics of her brain kicked into full-gear. Ideas flew all around and she had the insane urge to act upon them. "You know… I used to be very good at promoting stuff. I was Officer of Publicity of the 'Anime and Manga Club' when I was still in school. I think it would be better if you'd allow me the opportunity to increase the number of your clienteles."

Renge grinned broadly, her otaku-infested mind instantly working out the real meaning in between. She shared the same determined look with her fellow otaku. "Of course, that means you would have to listen to all our terms before we get started."

"No backing out," she added. "But it's all worth it in the end, trust me." Eyeing the King like shark meat, she appealed to him by the only way she had noticed that got people on his good side—flattery. "Aren't you the almighty King with all the power and management of someone like Rido-sama from _Vampire Knights_? I gotta admit, that's very cool and suave of you," she giggled. "All I ask, no, what I seek from you, the expert, Mr. Almighty King, is your acquiescence."

The blonde's head swelled from the pampering of his already inflated ego. His female companion slapped her head, hard, muttering of how "flatteries always win with him." "Of course, my dear," he declared stupendously. "You have my full permission to do whatever you want with our family in all time you need to finish the job."

Scrunching his face up, Hikaru muttered, "I somehow don't think this is such a good idea."

Kaoru muttered back, "You're telling me."

Satisfied at the grant, she whirled to confront her major source of conflict. "Ummm, so… Fleur," she began nervously, avoiding eye contact and twiddling her thumbs. "I've never asked you for anything, you know, aside from the few cases where I just HAD to get those fresh-off-the-market anime DVDs but that isn't important. What I'm asking for… is… um, would you please be the patron for our project? We need the money!"

Fleur arched a high brow upon her maid's sudden request. "'Ough I commend you on ze interesting proposition you made with zeir club president, I 'rust you're able 'o provide ze financial aspect for zis project of yours by yourself. You cannot 'onestly expect me 'o 'and over all I 'ave just 'o support your fancy."

…_Crap. She had a point._ Myrtle shuffled her foot, looking down. "No, but if I had the money, I would make the Host Club even more popular and cool. I could do a lot with it." With anticipation, she lifted her gaze, pleading puppy-eyes at her mistress. "Maybe-"

"-Non," she said bluntly. "I'm not risking my future with Bill just to fund your little side project. Je suis désolée, but you're on your own."

"Don't worry, I'll ask Daddy to fund your… no, our project. Don't worry. We'll make it happen." Renge patted Myrtle's back upon the crestfallen visage. She winked saucily, then jabbed a finger at the King's direction. "Sooo, on that note… we're starting with you, Mr. Fake Prince. I don't care what everyone else says. You need a major character revision."

_Divorced from reality_, the thought crossed Harry's mind briefly as everyone gawked at the carrot top. _Someone needs to tell her she can't boss people around just on a whim._

Myrtle wrinkled her nose; face scrunched up as well as she pondered what would make the King even more popular with the female population. "Okay, so we've already established angst would do some good. I'm tempted to go the _Wallflower_ route, but it's a bit overdone and as much as I would like that scenario, I think originality would be better. Our theme will be all of you guys, well-liked, but lamenting the meaning of life because no one understands you… yeah, that'll do. Our point in the movie will be-"

"-Woah, hold up! What movie?" Harry interrupted, holding up his hands. "Just how is a flick gonna tie into this promotion business?"

Renge patiently explained, "Making a documentary of all your moving speeches and tools at your disposal will bring this production to a satisfying conclusion. This video will enhance all your attractive moe-ness and bring out your soft side, giving us girls the chance to emphasize over your heartfelt emotions."

"But since this essentially made for the girls," Myrtle pointed out. "I think we can take it a step further. Not only will you be pondering the philosophy of your existence, we'll have to bring a feminine touch to the screen. In all shojo manga, there's the female protagonist. Because we want to appeal to everyone, she shall be faceless. All of you will get an 'angel', per say, to lift our male protagonists from the bottom of their spirits. I think it'd be cool if by day, you're students but by night, you go through a magical transformation and have to save the world! Of course, we're gonna have to make it cooler so we'll going to have to find a villain somewhere.

"That being said, King, you shall be the lonely idol. You're praised and admired everywhere by the student population, but admiration's only skin deep. You'll mourn about how no one sees you for the person you are inside, but rather as an icon no one dares to approach. You'll have a huge complex about your superficial aliases. As for your hero aspect, I see you as Mitsuru Tenjō from _Barajou no Kiss _down to the pat. Fashion your character after him. You shall be a knight of justice with cool superpowers… something with roses. Anyways, at the end of your scene, we'll have your 'angel' coming to you, comforting you and whispering really nice things about how she can see your pain, yaada, yaada. We'll work on it further when we get to you. Now you two, the redheaded jerks! I've got a bone to settle with you.

"You two are two of my least favorite hosts but we can work your identical looks. You two will agonize over how your similarities constrain your individuality. Yes, all your sufferings shall be recorded. You'll hate how no one can tell the difference between you two!"

Renge placed her fists by the sides of her hips. "Instead of the Host Club, you shall be in… yes, the Basketball Club! Now I'm not as knowledgeable as my friend Myrtle in the field of anime since I prefer visual-novel games, but I can see you two as the Asakura twins from _Shaman King_."

"Well, they could be the Jasdebi characters from but then they'd have to be retarded… and they definitely don't fit the _Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle_ twins… yeah, let's just go for the Asakuras. You dorks will have spiritual powers then. In day, you wear the same clothes to test the people around you but by night, it'll be like angel and devil. Your angel will be able to tell you apart and so forth."

She jerked her thumb at Hunny. "Now, you pay attention. Out of all your friends, your character's so one-noted you can probably only see straight. Your cuteness inside and out is far too one-dimensional and fits a toddler's image than something like a well-developed character. Therefore, you WILL be a cold, mean-ass, rapacious monster inside, targeting weak students like you own the school. You're gonna lament about keeping up your counterfeit mask of civility to the adults and you wish to be free, free to be whoever you are. If you see happy people, you WILL target them!"

"When you say it that way, Renge, I'm reminded of Ciel Phantomhive from _Kuroshitsuji_. Hmm, that can work. Hunny, you shall be the owner of a toy-making company but you only keep it because it's been in your family in generations. In fact, you want nothing more than to tear it down and build something anew. You want revenge at your family for all those times they gave you toys instead of unconditional love. By night, you can be badass and have a demon in your control. Your angel will be someone that can take your emotional baggage. Ugh, we'll work on it later. Tall, giant guy on Hunny's right, yes you!

"You seem like a man of few words so your every utterance will be profound and dignified to the Nth term. Your relationship with Hunny will be like Sebastian's with Ciel so you serve him in every way that you can. You can do everything but even though you make yourself heard, no one listens to you and it frustrates you. You know everything that's going on but we're gonna fashion your personality after Kenshin from _Rurouni Kenshin. _Kind-hearted but dangerous when provoked. Your angel's… someone that can listen. Yeah."

The two girls whirled on the remaining hosts, both British and petrified by the prospect of revamping their assigned roles. "You two, now, have a lot going for you. Your British accents add a whole new level to it. Mr. Red-Eyes, I think you have the makings of a baddie. While you dominate the school, you have a huge insecurity complex about your background, and the desire for power. For your tragic past, you can be a bastard at birth, abandoned and left in an orphanage. There you learned tricks of the trade and become a master manipulator that by your teen years, you got yourself adopted into a prominent family… you shall be the driving force behind all the decisions made. Power-hungry tyrant, yeah, that's good. Like the twins, we're gonna relocate you somewhere else."

"Most likely political," Fleur added. The hosts turned their heads at that. "Sorry, I can't 'elp but zink ze impression suits 'im best—something about ze power play and manipulation at its finest."

Kyoya hid a smirk. Although he knew for a fact that they knew nothing of his brother's closely guarded personal history, they had come very close to the truth. _Power-hungry tyrant, indeed._ The girls, fortunately, remained ignorant of their keen acuity. They'd actually managed to pick out all the faults of the hosts, retouched with a bit of imagination. Hesitanting ever so slightly, he offered, "I know for a fact my _little brother_ is part of Ouran's MUN I.S. program. Or, if it would help, I'd be happy to lend my office to you guys for the short duration of the filming."

Myrtle nodded faintly, taken aback at the gesture of kindness. She hadn't been expecting him to put in such a proposition. "Yeah, that'd be great actually—your offer to lend us your workplace for awhile, that is."

Renge arched a brown eyebrow high in disbelief. This was the first time she had ever seen him stick his neck out for anyone other than himself. It wasn't like him. Then again, this _was _his brother they were talking about. "As a recount, master Riddle, you hide your upbringing because of the disgrace you'll go through if found out, so you're always on high alert and distrusting. I see you as a puppeteer during the night so your powers will be the ability to manage invisible threads of fate that has the ability to control what you choose. We'll probably need CG effects for that then. Wait, you have a LOT of characters you can base your behavior on," Renge groused, mind drawing a sudden blank. "I don't know who you can be."

"We'll decide later whether you can be Franken Stein from _Soul Eater_, _Code Geass_ characters, Sōsuke Aizen from _Bleach_… or maybe Seto Kaiba from _Yu-Gi-Oh_. Or you can be like Voldemort from the popular _Hogwarts_ series even though it isn't an anime. Riddle-san, you shall have to be a snarky master of seduction and if things don't go your way or if you have to save face, you always have someone to take the fall for you. Huh, I think we've got your allure down fine enough. Your angel is gonna have to be someone that turns your world upside down, loopy-dee-loop all crazy sideways and then some."

She turned on the last host who looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here. "Harry, Harry, Harry. What to do with you…."

"You're a scholarship student, right?" Renge speculated, tilting her head. "And a transfer too so we can have you be the person unaware of the social order of Ouran High. By day, you shall be the rebel adversary targeted everyday and you use your cynicism as a protective front to shield your sensitivity, battered and bruised from a bad childhood. That's why you get provoked easily and get into fights. Harry, we need to work on your game-face. It has to convey both your scorn and anguish."

"And by night, umm, you can be like Allen Walker from _D-Grayman_. When we film your first arrival to the school, you shall be the naïve, sanguine first-year whose only goal in life is to make a friend; your _first_ friend to make it more dramatic. Why not toss in being family-less for the heck of it? Your expectations are betrayed when you find out the comrade you made only befriended you on a wager and actually doesn't want to be associated with the likes of you. She or he only stuck around you the whole time for the sake of curing boredom."

The sharp pain from digging his nails into his palm was the only indication of the significance of her relayed scenario, instantly reminded of how he got into this whole debt deal in the first place. It had been months since he had any thoughts of her and still it struck like a thorn at his side. "Myrtle, I don't think-"

"-Nonsense," she said, waving him off. "Anyways, just leave it to the expert, 'kay? Your nighttime rendezvous with destiny shall be your inhuman luckiness at getting out of situations unscathed and the ability to control snakes plus I think we should have you speak the snake language. Like Hunny, you have a cute face but a lingering darkness inside. That's gonna be your main draw. You're the poignant kid who hides his thoughts behind a cheerful mask and whatnot."

He let loose the breath he had been holding in for some time. Might as well drop the subject. Stubbornness was well bred in this one. Sounding very much like an intimidating family head his godfather once used to be, he demanded to know, "And just how long do you estimate the overall duration to be? Will it take weeks? Months? A year to wrap up the thing?"

Tom smiled faintly, tapping the scepter against the side of his thigh. It seemed their scholarship student wasn't all that he seemed to be. He almost seemed to hold vast potential for climbing the social ladder if needed to come to play. "As Potter says, it'll most likely be in your best interests to establish a deadline in advance. I'm afraid I cannot allow this business venture to escalate into a year-long project."

Myrtle scrunched her face up. "I don't think it'll take a long time. Probably months at the max for sure…."

"You can't sacrifice quality for haste," Renge quipped. "Relax, I'll be covering all the financial cost, and that includes distribution of the final product. Not to worry." She struck a pose, fingers pointed up in a victory sign. "Just leave it to us."

* * *

**(A/N)- **I've decided the visual depiction of the hosts' outfits from chapter 7 will appear in the next chapter. Hmm, I think the smut near the beginning brought forth a whole new level of tackiness. -pauses- ...What do you think guys? Um, guys?

Tom and Kyoya: -too busy caught up in their own little world to notice-

Haruhi: -drags the dumfounded Harry into another room- Never be said I won't be able to cast a wide-scale _Obliviate_ one day!

**-X-**

_**Catzi**_(No. 98)- Heh, glad you think so too. –sneaks Kyoya/Harry support behind Tom's back and gets crucioed-

_**kin-kinna**_(No. 99)- Aw, thank you. Stay tuned for further installments and let's root for our favorite couples! (Kyoya and Tom: -cheers halfheartedly- Yaaaay, go us...)

_(KURIBUN WINNER!) __**Lady Arcano**__(No. 100)- Same here. –grins manically- Congrats on getting the kuribun (lord knows it's hard to catch so I commend you). –hugs- Thank you, you rule! I really hope you like this late gift(s)!_

_**Elena Forest**_(No. 101)- Haha, sure. Here you go :D I'm glad to know I have such an enthusiastic fan!

_**11OneDone2Many**_(No. 102)- Argh, I feel like I'm moving at a snail's pace. –makes a face- Hopefully this chapter can make up for all the pain and suffering I put you through with my slooooow updates.

_**Hannah**_(No. 103)- Well, somehow Kyoya seems to get all the buzz… well, him and a threesome (Harry: -ish horrified-), but you'll see

_**Cagna**_(No. 104)- …Aaw shucks. –blushes- Thank you! I worked very hard on that one-liner! XD Hope you enjoyed!

_**RainyWingsFall **_(No. 105)- Well, hopefully you'll like the later chapters as the story progresses. Thank you so much, though, for the compliment!

_**black-hurt17**_(No. 106)- Oh… well, now. -silently offers you a tissue- Yes, that's one way to approach this coupling… hmm, that IS a well thought-out plan. Now, if this is the REAL pairing, that meant you probably read my mind, thereby being able to guess what's gonna happen next chapter and–le gasp!–the surprise ending that no one's suppose to know about! Ssh, keep quiet for none shall know thy terrible secret.

_**FEARMEfrancis**_(No. 107)- Mm-hmm? Here, have a cookie. -offers the ginger cookies Hatter swiped from Haru-chan- 'Cause everything tastes better when it's stolen.

_**Aya-Chan4861**_(No. 108)- Aah, thank you so much for all the notifications and massive spamage of alerts. -dances a jig- It makes my heart swell to know I have such awesome fans like you!

_**niwa-k**_ (No. 109)- Hmm, that is a good reason. I'll be sure to consider it :]

_**1withthepotionsseveroussnape**_ (No. 110)- Daaw, aren't you a polite one? You're very much welcome and I'm glad you shared the moments from TA that you enjoyed best. –hugs-

_**Rokuko Kaminari Blaze**_ (No. 111)- I'll think about it. And I agree, if this ends up as you say, it would be pure amusement to see them together. I'll see how reception goes for these two lovebirds and if I think it's well-received, it might just happen.

**-X-**

**The Infamous Elongated Character Cast List:**

**-X-**

22. Nagini- _**Tom's pet whose mother's nest had been found in Albania by Herpo. Nagini came from one of those eggs and by a brilliant stroke of luck, instead of being tested on, she got sent to s pet shop where Tom found himself taken with the snake and purchased her. Only loyal to Tom and grudgingly civil to Kyoya**_

23. Herpo the Foul- _**A seasoned hunter**_ _**that reported his findings to his patron and was tasked to oversee the incubation of the eggs he had stolen since Slughorn was a coward and didn't want to be bitten**_

24. Horace Slughorn-_** A very eccentric but wealthy scientist and patron of the Slug Club, a team of particularly talented, ambitious, clever, or simply well connected people. Decided to name the new species: 'Horcrux' after something he had read before in his childhood**_

25. Renge Hoshakuji- _**Second year, sophomore, Class B, 17 years old**_

26. Myrtle-_** Second year, considered sophomore at Saint Lobelia, 16 years old **__(nicknamed 'Moaning Myrtle' among the Delacour household due to her tendencies of breaking out in a blubbering mess when she was young)__**, surname left forgotten because your authoress is too lazy to think of one**_

_**TA Fansite**__ (Replace as the parentheses says)__**: **_http:/trivialaffections_(dot)_webs_(dot)_com/


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